Stockholm Syndrome

Chapter Thirteen

It's been two days now. I don't know if he would've wanted it, but I slept in his bed both nights, engulfed in his scent the whole night through. If it wasn't for that, I probably wouldn't have slept at all.

Yesterday I decided to distract myself from all the intrusive thoughts about Hal by cutting my hair. I know the whole point of cutting my hair in the first place was to hide, but I needed something to take my mind off him for at least a little while. I'm probably gonna have to go back to my dad and apologize for leaving and turning emo. I had cut the sides off completely, so much that you couldn't even tell I had curly hair anymore since most of the curls were on the sides anyway. And I don't mean I cut it short. I basically shaved it.

I'd been cutting my own hair for years so I knew what I was doing, and it didn't look half bad. It was quite a bit shorter than it was, but I wouldn't call it short. I gave myself some bangs too, but I was too scared to cut them any shorter than the top of my eyes. It'll probably get annoying having hair in my eyes for a bit, but I'll probably just end up pushing them to the side anyway. The rest of my hair went just past my shoulders, and since my hair was naturally ratty and thick, it looked a little poofy but I actually really liked how it turned out. It was still the same boring shade of dirty-blonde because I couldn't find any polyester gloves to protect my hands from the dye. Of all the things I think I would find in the house of a hitman, gloves were definitely on the list. What the hell, Hal.

I thought about piercing my lip too. I almost did it, but I freaked out and decided not to. I only wanted to do it out of self-destruction and that's not the most healthy thing ever so I decided against it. There was also the fact that I was a pansy. We had gotten a piercing needle and a few rings when we went out the other day, so I knew it was supposed to happen eventually, but I wasn't so sure anymore because there was a very small chance that Hal was coming back to do it for me.

As soon as his name came into my mind, I decided I needed to do something again. I didn't want to think about him. I didn't want to think about the fact that he probably wasn't coming back. I looked at the plastic bag full of dye and decided I was gonna do it whether I had gloves or not.

***************

It didn't look bad, I just wasn't used to it. It would grow on me.

I dyed it all black. On anyone else, it would've looked good. I just feel really bald. I sighed, staring at myself in the mirror, running my hands through the dark strands. It would grow on me.

I turned away from the mirror, walking out into the hallway again. It was getting late. I had dyed my hair quite a few hours ago and had been doing f**k-all since then. It wasn't super late, but it was late enough to go to bed. Anything to get him off my mind.

I turned into Hal's room, feeling a pang of some emotion I couldn't name as the four walls took me in. I didn't know what it was. Sadness, sorrow, guilt maybe. Could be fear. Whatever it was, I didn't want to feel it. I shut the bedroom door, got into the bed, wrapped myself in the blankets that were infused with his scent. I pulled them up to my nose and snuggled in. I turned around in the bed and looked at the empty space where a warm body could have been. Too bad there wasn't. I stretched an arm forward and placed my hand flat on the abandoned dark red sheets, feeling nothing but a lonely cool piece of linen. I sighed again and closed my eyes, trying to force sleep upon myself. I must've laid there with my eyes closed for hours. Not sleeping, just being dead.

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"Frankie," A voice called out, tearing me from my restless sleep. my head shot up, the sunlight through the blinds instantly blinding me when I opened my eyes. I strained, listening again. I could've sworn I heard Hal. Then again, I was delusional. I could've dreamt it.

"s**t, Frankie?" It called again, and my heart skipped a beat. I shoved the covers off of me and basically bolted to the door, then stopped. I took a deep breath, smoothed my hair down a bit, and then calmly opened the door. I saw Hal standing there, wearing the same exact outfit he was wearing when he left. He smiled when he saw me, and I did too. "Frankie,"

I stepped out into the living room, and stopped about a foot away from him, just looking up at him. "Hal."

"f**k, Frankie. I thought you left or something..." And with that, he opened his arms and pulled me in for a hug. I wrapped my arms around him and buried my nose in his shoulder, taking in his scent. His actual scent. Not the artificial scent in his cold empty sheets.

"I thought you weren't coming back..." I admitted, pulling away from the hug.

"Neither did I... Turns out I'm a better liar than I thought." He chuckled, and his eyes drifted up to my hair. He carded his fingers through the now raven strands of hair on my head and smiled. "I like what you did with your hair," He complimented, continuing to play with it. "Better than I could ever do. Thank god I didn't cut it when we were drunk." He chuckled again, and I nodded, smiling.

"Yeah, thank god..." I was so happy that he was back. I spent the last three days worrying and wondering and planning what I'd do if he never came back, and I don't even care that I was wasting my time. Through all that, I truly realized how much I depended on him now. I realized just how much I liked him as well. "I'm so glad you're back..."

"Me too..." He looked at me seriously. "You're mine. I wouldn't let anyone take you away from me." He tilted my chin up and leaned forward, placing a soft kiss to my lips, which basically caused me to melt. I lifted my arms up around his shoulders again, locking him into me so I could keep kissing him. I pulled away slightly and looked up at him through my eyelashes.

"We don't have to worry about any more cops... right?" I asked, my arms still around him.

"No." He shook his head and smiled, leaning down to kiss me again. I smiled into the kiss as well.

"So, you been staying in my room?" He asked, now dropping his arms from my waist and taking a step away. My cheeks flushed a light pink and I gave a small nod.

"Yeah, I- I hope that's okay with you-"

"Course it's okay. It's where you'll be staying from now on, so." A wide smile grew on my face.

"Really?" I asked. He was gonna let me stay in his room. And that must take a lot 'cause he's pretty introverted and his bedroom is really the only place he can be alone. When an isolated introvert would rather be with you than be alone, you must be pretty special.

"Of course, I can't just let you sleep on that old fuckin' couch over there." He gestured towards the living room where the tattered black leather couch sat. I smiled, just thinking of all the nights I'd get to spend curled up to him and listening to his soft breathing and just, watching him as I did in Monroeville. At this point, I didn't even care that it was creepy. Everything about him was just so interesting, even if he's sleeping.

"Oh yeah, and Frankie?" His voice interrupted my thoughts, causing me to look up at him again.

"Yeah?"

"Well I kinda left on short notice and we never really had a chance to talk about uh, Monday night..." The faintest blush rose to his face, which was quite serene as he'd never really gotten nervous about anything before. I had no doubt I was blushing too, but then again I'm awkward about most things.

"Yeah, we didn't..." I agreed, raising a hand to the back of my neck and scratching it awkwardly as I waited for him to continue.

"So... I guess the one thing I wanna know, is if it was you or the alcohol. 'Cause like for me it was totally me and if you did it 'cause you were drunk then I guess... I guess that's okay," He explained, making me blush even more.

"It was me," I told him. It looked like he relaxed a little after I said that, as if I had told him the answer he was hoping to hear.

"Okay, so... Does that mean you'd do it again sober?"

I began fiddling with my thumbs. "Um... yeah,"

"Alright," one corner of his mouth turned up into a cute sort-of half smile, revealing a few of his tiny white teeth. "So uh," he chuckled softly. "Was I any good?"

I couldn't even begin to tell him how good it was. I've only ever had s*x once before that, but it was with a girl and it was boring so I kinda expected it to be boring every other time. But f**k, he was so hot. To most social expectations, the extra weight that clung to his bones wouldn't be considered sexy but it was in all the right places and I f*****g loved it. And he was so pale, so soft. It was something I could never ever get bored of. I loved every single second of it.

I nodded slowly, too distracted to give a proper reply.

"Why'd you hesitate then? f**k, it was horrible, wasn't it."

"God, no. It was-" I stopped for a minute to think of a word to describe it but there were none. "It was really good," I assured him. "Like, really." I looked up at him again and chuckled quietly before shooting the question back at him.

"What about me? Was I okay?"

He shook his head slightly, the small smile still clinging to his lips. "I uh, I don't really remember it that much.." He admitted, shoving his hands in his pockets. "But you can usually tell if I liked it based off whether I sound like a virgin or a pornstar, there's really no in between."

"f**k, well I mean you were being pretty loud-"

"Then I liked it. And my back was pretty sore in the morning. Usually a good sign." The fact that I slept with a man was still resonating somewhere in my mind, but it's not like it was a bad thought. I could never see myself doing that, doing him, but now that I have, it seemed pretty alright to me. If my dad ever found out he'd probably kick me out anyway so it's a good thing I got out of the house before it even crossed my mind. I've always been a little bit weird around men for reasons that were probably obvious.

"We're doing it sober next time, deal?" I suggested, unusually confident but I didn't question it because I didn't want it to go away.

"I'm sober now," Hal pointed out, causing my face to heat up again for the fourth time since he came back.

"I- I uh..." The confidence seemed to have disappeared. "Well... I mean like, don't you want it to be 'special' or whatever, I don't wanna just, do it cause we feel like it I want it to mean something, y'know?" I rambled, using air-quotes around the world 'special', my face growing a darker shade of red with every word. He grabbed my hips and pulled me close to him, closing the gap between us.

"You don't think me being gone for 3 days with the threat of not coming back is a good reason to do it?" He bit his lip softly then leaned forwards so that he could whisper in my ear. "I missed you... That's as special as it gets." He pulled away and started walking to his bedroom. "I'll be in here if you need me." He told me before disappearing behind the door.

He was so f*****g irresistible, I swear to god.

I gave in and followed him to the room, opening the door. He was still standing when I approached him, but this time my hands were on his hips and I kissed him first. He seemed surprised for a fraction of a second before he began to kiss me back, his arms coming up to wrap around my shoulders. I poked my tongue out against his bottom lip, to which he opened his mouth and reciprocated as we began to make out. My hands started working their way to his front, so I could slide my hands under his shirt and slowly begin lifting it off over his head.

Hal's hands were all over my back at that point, and eventually, he started grabbing and clawing at my shirt indicating that he wanted me to take it off. I immediately obliged and took my hands off his warm body to grab the hem of my shirt and pull it off, throwing it onto the floor and then looked right into Hal's eyes, which were glazed over and heavy-lidded. I placed my hands on his chest and pushed him back onto the bed, then crawled on top of him and locked my lips with his again, my hands all over his torso and my hips involuntarily forcing themselves down on his.

*****************

Fuck, that was amazing. I was right, it was even better than last time. That and Hal would remember it. Even I'm still a little foggy about what happened last time but this time I had clear images flashing through my mind, every sound and every facial expression burned into my mind that I wasn't gonna make an effort to get rid of any time soon. I pulled Hal's blankets up over my body and rolled onto my side. It may have only been 2pm but I was f*****g exhausted.

I smiled as I felt the bed dip down behind me, and Hal crawled into the bed with me. His arms wrapped around my waist and he buried his face in the back of my shoulder, his hair tickling slightly.

"Frankie?" Hal spoke, and I turned around in his arms to face him.

"Hm?"

"You're really good in bed." He smiled, and I chuckled.

"Glad you think so."