The Beginning of The End

After the first blow

Sophia

All my life I have tried to do the right thing and that way I live my life with no regrets. But sometimes you can't control everything and multiple times over the past few weeks I have found myself in a difficult situation that would cause me great problems. I have had many problems in my past and I am sure that the future holds many more. I have learnt that sometimes you need to move on and keep going in order to escape the nightmares of the past and run into the future with open arms and a clear mind in order to make it through to the other side unscratched. But it is hard to keep moving forward when the only thing you want is to change the past and live in the moments when you were truly happy and the times when you felt that would always be the case. If I dwell on the past for too long I torture myself with the thought that life used to be so simple. It was too easy and now I have to move on, keep going or die trying.

***

It was hard dragging myself away. My regrets were spilt on the floor with the blood of an innocent. In the end, it took the combined effort of my friends to pull me away. My body was frozen. My legs were rooted to the spot. Before I left I closed his eyes. Without the blood, he appeared to just be sleeping. I satisfied myself with that thought. But a chill still spread down my spine as I looked up at the grim expression of my friends. I could no longer feel the heat of the bright summer's day.

I left the room. The door swung shut with a thud of finality. Another life was taken and no one knew. No one cared. It was a horrible thought. But with the chain of events and the ever-increasing death toll, which was quickly decreasing the population of Stanville, even family members wouldn't emerge to bury the dead.

Greif filled the hot air that blasted through the front door as John swung it open. I swallowed my feelings. There was no way I could face whatever was out here with a clouded mind. But I felt numb. Ignoring the nagging voices in my head made life bearable but I couldn't live like this. For years I had turned within myself for comfort; now my thoughts were my worst enemies. They threatened to make me break down. I never took loss well and when it was dealt by the hand of someone I knew well the blow came twice as hard. I felt like I had been hit by the shovel too. But I had survived and I had to live with the thoughts of what had happened.

The sun shone in my eyes, blinding me. I blinked to clear it and then took the first step into the unknown. I knew the road well I had lived here for years but when I emerged from the safety of the doorway I felt like I had stepped into a horror movie on the TV. The only difference was that the streets were familiar. I could sense no danger either with my ears or my eyes. So reluctantly I followed my friends to the path that ran along the side of the field.

John relaxed the minute we were outside. He had no intention of going anywhere important he just wanted the freedom of walking outside. Hattie took the lead. She cut straight across the grassy area that formed the base of the park. Normally it was common to meet lots of dog walkers and athletes out for an early afternoon jog. But today it was deserted. The mayhem hadn't quite reached the park yet. The grass was still bright green, the trees were full of leaves and birdsong filled the air with a calming melody. It was creepy to imagine bees lurking in the shadows of the trees around the untouched park. Our path wound towards the centre of town. It wasn't a path I normally followed but it was familiar enough to think that I had to keep my mind open in order to stay safe.

"Where are we going?" John was confused. "You know we aren't supposed to be going far."

"Live a little. It's not going to kill you." Hattie was determined to keep going even when we hesitated.

"At the moment it might." John's voice was grim. He stared at the back of Hattie's head trying to meet her eyes if only she would turn to face him.

We were in plain sight. If we were trying to hide in order to stay safe we couldn't have been in a worse position. But being far away from the hedge where anything could be lurking was probably a good thing. I wanted to turn back. I had to force myself to keep placing one foot in front of the other.

"Well, I'm not letting that stop me." Hattie was always very determined to do exactly what she wanted whether that was to win an argument or not do her homework: it didn't matter. Now she was taking control of the situation the way Scarlett used to. When you move on you have to leave the past behind and that's what we were trying to do now. "You can't let fear rule your life. I can't even see anything around at the moment and I am not going to let a tiny crisis ruin my day."

Or your social life. The thought sounded mean but in Hattie's case, I knew that it was accurate. John didn't look convinced. He was glancing around the field as if waiting for something to jump out of the shadows.

To me, it looked the same as always. The blue sky dotted with puffy clouds over stretches of green grass guarded by the sun. It reminded me of a picture young children would draw. At that moment it seemed easy to forget that there were things lurking beyond the range of our eyes; things that seemed to appear out of nowhere and wouldn't think twice about killing us. It was hard to imagine that just a week ago I was forced to say goodbye to two of my closest friends. It was hard to think about how they were in America miles away with nothing to worry about but it was worse to think that they hadn't made it, that it was their plane that had crashed to the ground near the lake. And it was hard to remember that up until that morning exactly a week ago my life was just the same as it always had been. And I knew that if it hadn't happened I wouldn't be stood here now listening to a conversation that was probably going to get us killed.

"It's risk the bees or put up with the basement. You have to choose." Hattie was getting bored with the lack of progress and she was constantly staring at the clock on her mobile.

John didn't respond for several moments. I hated the options either way so I decided to go along with whatever he chose, hoping that he wouldn't get us killed. The time crept by and I was starting to think that Hattie was just going to walk off and leave us. He nodded as if agreeing with himself.

"I'm with you." His face was grim and he was focusing on the expanse of grass before us. "You might need me. On your own, you'd probably get yourself killed." I wanted to believe that this was his way of trying to act normal as if none of this nightmare was actually happening but the truth was he was probably right.

With a nervous feeling churning in my stomach I followed them towards the main high street that stood at the centre of town. I had trusted John to make the decision I just hoped that his decision was the right one.

But without using my voice there was no way I could get them to turn back if I wanted them to and I wasn't entirely sure what I wanted. And even if I had contributed to the conversation, they probably wouldn't change their minds. Both of them were very determined to stick to a decision they had made and I had never held any power over them. I felt my powerlessness rise as I moved forward. I couldn't shake the apprehension I felt about everything. But I followed them anyway.