I am the Night - the last She-Wolf

Chapter 13 - The Growl Within

“How are you holding up?” the voice sounds very far away, but it sounds familiar. It’s Logan.

There’s no other sound. It’s quiet. Almost peaceful. It feels strange. I’m used to silence, but it never felt peaceful. There has always been something dangerous ringing within it. That’s gone now.

“Slow,” Cillian sighs, “thanks for trying to... break my fall.” Silence. This time filled with awkward tension. The wolf and the Hunter. Becoming friends. Who would have known?

The thought makes me smile. I can’t remember the last time I did that. Those muscles in my face were almost forgotten. I slowly turn to lie on my side. I am warm, but not very comfortable. Something is pricking my back. It smells funny too. There are barn animals nearby. Sheep maybe?

My senses slowly adjust to the new environment. I can hear the animal chew. We are definitely in a barn. I wonder if the sheep know there’s a wolf among them.

Someone touches my forehead. “The fever has gone down,” Cillian says, “that’s good, right? Means she’s getting better?”

“Yes,” Logan answers. I can hear him move. Straw rustling under his weight. “What’s your deal with her anyway?”

“What do you mean?”

“What is she to you?”

“I don’t know how that’s any of your business,” Cillian mutters.

“It is not, but I am curious.”

“I saved her life a few years back. She was dying in the snow. Attacked by one of yours,” Cillian explains, “there were two of them hunting her down.”

“And she was bitten by that wolf? Are you sure about that?”

“I am sure. Yes. I was supposed to kill her.”

“Would have been the kind thing to do,” Logan says.

“Yes. She likes to remind me of that too. But I couldn’t just let her die. I’ve seen... when I was still a boy, I saw a girl getting bitten. I saw what happened to her. How her body was trying to adjust. It was... horrible. Her body broke itself. She was bleeding out of every poor of her skin. Screaming at the top of her lungs.”

“Yes,” Logan sighs, “I’ve seen it too. How old were you when it happened?”

“Ten. She... she was my sister.”

“I’m sorry.”

“I don’t get it,” Cillian says, “I’ve been fighting your kind for a long time now. I thought I was doing something for the greater good. Protecting people, yet here I am talking to you, almost as if we were friends.”

Logan laughs, “this may come as a shock to you, but I am part human too. Right now, everything about me is as human as it gets. Well, except that I am stronger than you, faster, and my hearing is much better.”

“We’ve been taught differently,” Cillian says, “you’re supposed to be primal. A monster. Not able to comprehend any kind of emotion. Especially not mercy or compassion.”

„My kind is struggling,” Logan says, “we don’t have any females left. We are trying not to go extinct, so we mixed it up a little. Humans live among wolves, you know. It works pretty damn well. Just that girls are usually born human. Boys are born wolves. Anyway, there are those of us who are disgusted by the thought of getting into contact with any human. They believe our race is superior. We call them Rogues. They are more animal than man.”

“Do they have females?”

“No.”

“So, what do they do to keep your kind alive?”

“Turn man. Kidnap half-blooded females. r**e them and take their children to raise them. Kill them if they are human.” There’s a short pause. “Don’t look at me like that. I’m not thrilled about those habits either. Wolves like me and Rogues are not friendly. We despise each other. Probably as much as you despise my kind.”

“My people aren’t much better,” Cillian sighs and I know he’s looking at me. I can feel it. “Why were you captured alive?” he asks after a moment.

“Because I turned and surrendered. It was a stupid move, but I thought maybe, just maybe I could show them that not every wolf is the same. You are hunting Rogues and as far as I am concerned, I am fine with it, but if you fight wolves like me, you are making a mistake.”

“Why? What’s different about you?”

“You mean despite the fact that your people tortured me for months and I still chose to help you escape?”

“Despite that,” Cillian chuckles.

“It’s complicated. But there are things out there that are far more dangerous than my kind. So, when s**t hits the fan –and it usually does sooner or later- you’ll be glad my kind will be around to save your sorry asses.”

“From what?”

“The end!” Logan says matter-of-factly.

“The end? Could you be a little more specific?”

Logan says nothing for a long time. “You should get some sleep. It’s late. The storm is settling down and we need to get moving as soon as possible. I’ll take the first shift watching.”

“Fine,” Cillian sighs, “we should try to find someplace where we can get a change of clothes and maybe a bath.”

“We can try, but I’m not sure it’ll happen any time soon. Better filthy than locked up.”

“Or dead,” Cillian adds meaningfully. He’s probably right. If we get caught it’ll be our death sentence. Maybe they’ll drag me back to the compound, but I’ll be damned if I wouldn’t try to die on the way back.

“Get some sleep,” Logan says and I listen to his soft footsteps retreating. A door creeks and closes shut again. Cillian sighs. Straw rustling as he lies down close to me. I can almost feel the warmth of his body. I can smell him over the dirt and muck.

When I slowly open my eyes, I meet his, and a soft smile tugs on his lips, before he reaches out and gently brushes my hair back. “Hey,” he whispers, “how are you feeling?”

“Okay,” I breathe, trying to check for any pain. I think I’m okay. Sore and broken maybe, but I don’t feel anything else. “Where are we?”

“Some barn. We’re waiting out the storm. As soon as it settles we have to get moving.”

“How did we get here?”

“Logan carried you,” he says, tracing the claw mark on my jaw with his index finger.

“I like him,” I say.

“He’s okay. For a Lycan.”

I chuckle and close my eyes again, “you won’t admit it, will you? That I was right about this all along?”

“You were right,” he says, “but I’ve spent a long time believing in something else. Takes a while to adjust.”

“Mhm,” I hum and open my eyes again, “are you hurt?” I ask.

“Why?”

“Logan asked you how you’re holding up. Something about the jump?! Are you okay?”

“Did no one ever tell you it’s rude to eavesdrop?” I shake my head with a sheepish smile. “I’m fine. Sprained my ankle. Slows me down a bit, but other than that I am perfectly fine. Could use a shower though.”

“I want one too,” I sigh, “and food. And a bed to sleep in.”

“We‘ll get you all of that.”

“Thank you,” I whisper.

“You’re welcome,” he smiles and scoots a little closer. I’m a little slow to catch up, but when I finally do, my heart skips a beat as his lips touch mine.

Somewhere deep down I feel a deep rumbling. A growl of sorts. Something that doesn’t belong here, yet it does.

He leans back just an inch, watching me. Assessing my reaction.

I can’t deny that I’ve thought about him doing that. I wished for it sometimes. On all those lonely nights I spend in a place I could never call home. I wished for it when he came to find me in the middle of the night, scolding me about breaking into the library again.

What is she to you? Logan had asked him. He didn’t answer. He just told him how we met. How he saved my life. I always thought that’s everything he felt for me. But what if I was wrong?

“So,” he says hesitantly, “I’ve been wanting to do that for a while now,” his thumb brushes over my lower lip.

“You did?” I whisper, feeling strangely confused. Maybe it’s from all the blood I’ve lost. Maybe it’s from that weird humming in my chest.

A smile spreads over his lips and he nods, “timing never seemed to be right though.”

“You feel like this is a better time?” I ask raising my brows at him. He laughs and shakes his head.

“I guess it’s now or never,” he shrugs and licks his lips, “mind if I’d do it again?” he asks. I slowly shake my head. He props himself up on his elbow, leaning over me. He carefully kisses me. Slowly pushing his fingers into my dirty hair.

I think I’m holding my breath. Which is not the smartest thing to do. It makes me gasp for air, which pushes Cillian to deepen the kiss. His tongue brushes over mine and that growl that’s been bubbling inside of me seem to get louder. Bursting with rage. The strange thing about that is, that I don’t feel any anger. I feel like I’m doing something I’m not supposed to.

I put my hands on Cillian’s chest and carefully push against it. He leans back, with a slightly confused expression on his face. “Are you okay?”

“I´m... yes, but... something-,” I’m not sure what I was about to say, when Logan bursts into the barn, closing the door behind him. He’s breathing hard, quickly getting out of his clothes.

“Hide!” He hisses before he turns. Cillian doesn’t hesitate. He grabs me and pulls me behind a stag of straw, pushing me into the pickling bundles.

I wince, pain creeping its way back into my body. Pain and fear at the sound of doors bursting open and the growl of wolves erupting. I hear the sheep rushing nervously to the furthest corner of their barn.

“What are you doing?” Cillian pulls me back as I try to sneak a peek. There are two shaggy-looking wolves. Both of them stare at Logan. He’s outnumbered.

“We need to help him,” I say, but Cillian pulls me back, hovering over me.

“Stay put!” he warns, before he gets up, pulling out his gun. He’s limping. This isn’t good. Not even a little. I struggle a little to pull myself up, leaning against the stagged straw. Breathing in slowly. Painfully. I wonder if this is ever going to end. We never catch a break and someone always gets hurt.

I slowly step out of hiding. I almost fall down. My body is barely able to keep upright. One of the shaggy wolves spots me and hisses. It’s making a move, but Logan blocks it.

“Logan,” I breathe and move even closer. Cillian grabs me, pushing me behind him.

“Are you trying to get yourself killed?” he snaps at me, “get out of the way, Mika!”

“They won’t kill me,” I sigh. One of the wolves makes a snickering noise as if he’s happy to kill me any time. Logan growls at me.

“Don’t!” Cillian translates what the growl probably meant. I think if there are no female wolves I’m probably the closest thing to one, which means they will leave me alone. I hope.

Once again I probably should think this through before I act. They might leave me alone, but what if they take me? Logan talked about those Rogues earlier and they sound anything but nice.

It’s wherever I turn, my odds are never very good. It’s torture versus r**e. And being on the run doesn’t seem to work out for any of us. Both Cillian and Logan shouldn’t be dragged into this mess because of me. But how the hell would I ever make it without them? I won’t! It’s as easy as that.

“Do not say another word!” I snap my head in Logan's direction. I heard his voice. But he’s a wolf. He can’t talk. Can he read my mind? I didn’t know wolves could do that.

“A Hunter and a wolf walk into a barn,” a new voice says. A man steps in between the two shaggy wolves, “sounds like the beginning of a joke, doesn’t it?” His eyes turn to look at me. “But how does the human girl fit into this scenario I wonder. Why is she here? And why does she bare those scars?”

The man looks at Logan, at Cillian, and then back at me. Curiosity in his dark eyes. “We will not kill,” he continues, “we will take them. Kill them later. After they told us their story. It’s time for a new story, don’t you think, boys?” he pats both wolves to each side.

Logan steps in front of me and the man laughs out loud. “You protect the girl? Is it possible that she is your mate? Have you been blessed? Or is it a curse, since she’s only a human girl? Which is it?”

Mate? The word rings a bell, but I can’t quite put my finger on it. Maybe I have read about it, but I can’t remember where and what it means.

The strange feeling inside my chest vibrates at the sound of the word. Something or someone is responding to it. Someone who isn’t me.

“What is he talking about?” I ask. But I’m not saying it out loud. It’s more like a thought directed at Logan. His head snaps to me, his eyes going wide in surprise.

“Mika?” His voice sounds in my head. “How are you doing this?"