The Silent Heart

Lost Soul

While many kids in the orphanage tried competing to be adopted, Gwen and Lucy would run away from prospective parents that only wanted one of them. They tried convincing everyone that they were not only sisters but twins. Of course, no one believed them. They may have been the same age, but there was nothing else about them that was the same. Lucy was skinny and tall, with freckles and red hair that was always braided. Her bright green eyes sparkled with mischief and her knees were always bandaged from some fall off a log, or a tree, or just running too fast. Gwen, on the other hand, had a chubby round face and was shorter. She wasn’t fat by any means, but she wasn’t nearly as skinny as Lucy was. She had blond hair that was thick and unruly, sapphire blue eyes, and a button nose. She had no freckles, which she always felt was unfair, but her skin was such an alabaster white that she would burn if she were out in the sun too long. Not that she was. She preferred books and stories, quiet music, and skipping to running or climbing trees. While Lucy loathed wearing dresses like other girls, Gwen felt like a princess in dresses and preferred long skirts or the really round ones you could twirl in. Yet somehow, they were inseparable. They balanced each other. Lucy made Gwen get out and try things, even when it scared her, and Gwen made Lucy learn how sometimes the quiet was more interesting, especially when outside.

By the time they were twelve, they both knew the chances were slim that any family would adopt them both, so they had made plans for staying together in the orphanage and what adventures they would have once they were allowed to leave. Gwen didn’t care so much about not having parents, she had Lucy and Lucy was all she needed. That one person you felt connected to like you were meant to find. That was probably why Gwen stopped talking when she was twelve. Gwen always felt she understood how people felt better than most. Other students and even Lucy would roll their eyes when she took the time to tell them they needed to think about how the other person felt. She didn’t really realize that she had been trying to feel what other people had felt. In part, because she was never sure if she was feeling things like she was supposed to. She wasn’t as excited as Lucy about things, and she wasn’t as angry as some of the other kids. She wasn’t even curious about who her real parents were or why they left her. The only person whose feelings were more important than her own was Lucy. So that night, when Lucy had the bright idea for them to hop the fence and sneak off to see the circus on the outskirts of town set up, Gwen, of course, came along. Lucy was nimble and got over the fence quickly. Gwen had a harder time. She remembered Lucy calling to her to hurry up, though there was no annoyance in her voice. She remembered how happy she was when she made it and didn’t even fall. She remembered looking up and seeing Lucy’s bright smile and how quickly it was gone when the car, not paying attention, hit her and took her with it almost a whole block.

Of course, the thing Gwen remembered most was staring after the car, unable to move. She felt Lucy’s happiness, shock, and then inexplicable pain. Her own vision was getting black around the edges and she knew it wasn’t her that was disappearing, but her chosen sister, her twin in all the ways that counted. She remembered screaming but it sounded so far away and then, she didn’t really remember anything.

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Gwen woke up with a start, her bright blue eyes almost shining in the dark as she let them adjust to a room with only the light of the night shining into it. Her hand came up to her chest as she felt her heart race and willed it to settle. She knew she had the nightmare again. She always knew, but it always receded so fast that by the time she was fully awake, it had slipped away from her like the tendrils of fog disappearing over a field. Gwen reached over and turned on the small antique lamp she had on her bedside table and pushed her thick hair from her face. She had been sweating, or more likely crying, as strands stuck to her face. A glance at the clock told her that she only had an hour and a half before her alarm anyway, so she might as well stay up. Tossing aside her sheets, she got up and headed to the bathroom to wash up and change. Her night dress was long and looked like something from Little House on the Prairie. This was her first apartment all to herself and she had bought furniture she wanted and almost all of it was antique, or vintage, as they called it now. Flowers faded on fabric chairs, lace doilies on tables, curtains with ruffles. She knew it was old-fashioned and people thought she was silly for it, but she liked it, and as she was now making enough money to afford what she wanted, why not?

Once she washed up, Gwen changed into a long dress of cream that had tiny blue flowers dotted over it. It had cap sleeves and a collar like a suit jacket and little pearl buttons down the front. Brushing her hair as much as she could, she braided two small braids on the sides and then wrapped them around the root of her low ponytail sitting at the nape of her neck. She didn’t really wear much makeup, she didn’t think there was a part of her face she wanted to highlight or ‘play up’. Her eyes were a little too big, and too round, her button nose sat over a pair of cupid-like lips and her face had never lost that baby fat and thinned out, so it was still around. She looked almost like a little faerie when her hair was left down, which was another reason to keep it tidy. That and babies. She worked with kids and loose hair and jewelry were just asking for trouble! Slipping on a pair of light blue flats, she made some quick breakfast and tea before sitting down in her little pale yellow kitchen and reading just one more chapter of a book she had loathed to put down when it had been time for bed.

Gwen loved her job. When she aged out of the orphanage, she had to get one right away and, unfortunately, not a lot of people hired someone that spoke in sign language. A daycare had taken a chance on her and she had done well. Kids were intuitive and quick learners, so the fact that she didn’t speak didn’t deter them from bombarding her with the usual questions and asking her to play with them. Of course, usually, daycare does not pay that well, but her boss had told her that she had been referred to a new company that was opening up a daycare for their workers and so she went for the interview. The Camlan corporation was old. They told her that in every round of interviews. Seemingly, that was important, having roots in the community it came from, being older than even her own country. She could see the appeal of having a history, especially as someone that didn’t have a history, so she smiled and nodded each time. It was when she was offered the job, at a rather nice salary and benefits, that the smile slipped. She was surprised, quite surprised, and couldn’t think of any reason not to take it. The daycare was the second department to be staffed in the new office building and so she had gotten to know just about everyone there. Either through their children or seeing them in the cafe on the first floor when she was refilling her tea. She wasn’t much of a coffee drinker, but it seemed the rest of them were. Especially the lawyers.

Deciding she might as well be early for work, she walked the fifteen minutes to the office rather than take the bus and as soon as she entered the building, she felt a chill, and with a frown, she glanced around to see if she could find what might be out of place, but she saw nothing. A few people caught her eye and gave her a smile and a wave. The daycare had been the second department put into place when they opened the building, so she had seen it populated and knew almost everyone that worked there. Either because she worked with their kids, or because she was constantly in the cafe to refill her tea. She wasn’t much of a coffee drinker. Shaking off the feeling, she headed into the daycare and got the lights on, the toys out, and the office set for the day. It wasn’t long before the manager showed up and the kids started arriving as usual. The day went by fairly quickly. It wasn’t until late afternoon that she got a break and headed to the cafe’. Ordering a double macchiato for her boss and getting the hibiscus tea for herself. As she waited for her order she had that feeling again and she rubbed the back of her neck, sure that someone was staring at her. A careful glance around and she didn’t see anyone out of the ordinary. She saw a few people she didn’t recognize, but by their suits, she assumed they were there for a meeting. With a sigh, she got her order and headed back to the daycare. Smiling as a man called out and waved. Handing off the coffee, she put her tea aside and went to help with nap time for the kids.

By the time she finally got all of them laid down, she could come back for her now lukewarm tea and the boss was staring at her with an odd smile. Gwen finally sighed and looked at her, rolling her hand in a circle in front of her as a ‘go on’ gesture, as she could tell the older woman wanted to tell her something. Marcia was a decent woman but gossiped, and for the most part, Gwen tried to tune her out. Marcia let out a little squeal and leaned forward as if they were sharing a secret.

“You are never going to guess! Okay, guess. Oh never mind you’ll never guess!” She spoke quickly with hardly a breath between words. “So, this guy came in here asking about you!”

Gwen stiffened, that didn’t sound like a good thing to her, though she had no idea why anyone would be looking for her. She furrowed her brow and looked into her tea and Marcia slapped her hand lightly and laughed.

“Oh stop! You know there are plenty of guys here who have tried flirting with you. This guy though!” She leaned back and fanned herself as if she was on fire. “He was built, and his smile! Oh, if I were only ten years younger! Anyway, he was asking for his friend I guess. They are the construction company that is working on the new center, I guess? Anyway, his friend is dying to meet you! I told him I couldn’t give out your number, but they’ll be back for another meeting at some point. And I wouldn’t be surprised if someone sends you flowers!” She sang a little as she giggled and then grinned as if somehow she had made this all happen.

Gwen sighed, great, the last thing she needed was a love life. Dating was never easy, of course, but add in that you couldn’t speak and only signed, which limited your options. Then add in that most first dates asked the basic questions like, ‘Tell me about your family?’ and such, well, an orphan that only signs was not a hot commodity, no matter what Marcia thought. Gwen shook her head and went back to work, though she did notice that the weird feeling was finally gone.