Chapter 5
869 Words
The days blurred into nights, and still, Lanesra found herself trapped in the same suffocating cycle. Work. Home. Silence. She functioned on autopilot, forcing herself to get up, to smile, to be the mother her son needed. But inside, she felt like she was unraveling, each passing day pulling her further into the abyss of what-ifs and regrets.
Her mother had started watching her more closely, her concerned eyes lingering a second too long whenever they spoke. Her brothers had stopped bringing up Kade, which was both a relief and a reminder that they knew she wasn’t ready to talk.
But her son—he was the one she couldn’t avoid. He was the one who kept looking for answers she didn’t have.
One night, after tucking him into bed, she lingered at his door, watching as he clutched his stuffed tiger to his chest. His small face was pensive, his eyes staring at the ceiling.
“Mom?” his voice was soft, uncertain.
She stepped inside, sitting on the edge of his bed. “Yeah, baby?”
“Did Kade leave because of me?”
Lanesra’s heart shattered all over again. “No, sweetheart,” she whispered. “Kade loves you. This… this isn’t about you.”
“But he’s not here anymore.”
She cupped his face gently. “Sometimes adults have things they need to figure out. It doesn’t mean he doesn’t care.”
Her son nodded, but his little fingers twisted anxiously around the sheets. “I don’t want him to go away forever.”
Lanesra swallowed the lump in her throat. “Me neither.”
The ache inside her grew heavier as the days passed. Her mother finally intervened, dragging her out of the house for a drive along the coast. The salty air did little to calm the storm inside her, but at least it was a change of scenery.
“You’re not okay,” her mother said finally, her voice firm but gentle.
Lanesra sighed. “I don’t know what I am.”
Her mother pulled over, turning to face her. “Then figure it out. Sitting in silence, punishing yourself for something you don’t even understand yet—that’s not the daughter I raised.”
Lanesra clenched her jaw. “I don’t even know where to start.”
Her mother reached over, tucking a stray strand of hair behind her ear like she used to when Lanesra was a child. “Start by deciding if you want to fight for him or let him go.”
Lanesra blinked back tears. “And if I don’t know?”
Her mother sighed, studying her with knowing eyes. “Then maybe it’s time to ask yourself if you’re more afraid of losing him—or of forgiving him.”
Lanesra hesitated, her throat tight. “How did you do it?”
Her mother’s gaze softened. “Do what?”
“Survive after Dad. After losing him.”
Her mother took a long breath, looking out at the ocean waves crashing against the shore. “Because I had to. For you and your brothers. But more than that… because I chose to remember the love more than the pain.” She turned back to Lanesra, her expression full of wisdom and warmth. “Love isn’t about never hurting. It’s about deciding if the person is worth the fight.”
Lanesra wiped at her eyes. “And if they aren’t?”
“Then you let them go. And you let yourself heal.”
Lanesra bit her lip, staring down at her hands. “I don’t know if I can forgive him.”
Her mother reached over, squeezing her hand. “Then maybe the real question is, do you want to?”
Lanesra thought about that for days, her mother’s words echoing in her mind.
One evening, she sat by the fireplace, flipping through an old photo album. Pictures of her son as a baby, his first steps, his first birthday. And then, there were the ones with Kade—the way he held her son’s hand at the park, the way he had taught him to ride a bike, the way they laughed together like they had always been meant to be.
The thought of never seeing that again made her chest tighten.
Was she really ready to let it go?
Or was she just too scared to face him?
Her phone buzzed on the table, snapping her out of her thoughts. A text from an unknown number.
Kade: Please, Lanesra. I need to talk to you.
Her breath caught. She knew exactly who it was.
Kade: I know I messed up. I know I hurt you. But I can’t lose you. Not like this.
Her fingers trembled over the screen as another message appeared.
Kade: I swear to you, I never meant for this to happen. You and your son are my world. Please, just give me a chance to explain. I’ll do anything. Just tell me where and when.
Her chest tightened, emotions crashing over her like a wave.
Taking a shaky breath, she typed two words in response.
Lanesra: Where and when?
And just like that, the storm inside her started to shift.
- Writer
