How to unlove

I can't remember him

“I can’t see him anymore…”

Maybe time has finally played its cruel joke. Every night, I used to find him the same way, his head bent over his laptop, red ears, dark hair falling just right, like he never cared that I was staring...

But tonight, when I closed my eyes, he wasn’t there. And what’s worse, I can hardly remember his face anymore. The details are fading, slipping away from me, and it tears something deep inside my chest.

It’s unsettling… how deeply you can love someone. You can dress it up as logic,

bury it under words, convince yourself it’s over but in the end, you will find yourself stuck in an endless loop.

“You’ll find someone better. Someone who cares for you, gives you time… loves you the way you deserve."

"I’m not the one for you, Pree.”

His voice was calm. Too calm.

“I don’t think I can love you.”

For a moment, everything went silent. As if my mind refused to process what he had just said.

In that moment all I could say...

" Just remember... I'll always love you."

I turned my back. I wouldn't let him see me cry. But each step away from him, my eyes blurred and it became harder to breathe.

" It hurts... it hurts... i can't breathe."

For a second, I hoped someone would just pull my heart out.

And now I'm wishing for the same as I'm forgetting that he even exists.

As I'm trying to remember his face, I realise something I didn’t back then.

That day, his only concern was how he was going to survive alone in a new city.

His eyes were sad… but not for me.

His heart was aching… but not because he was losing me.

All along I was fighting a lonely battle with myself. And he was just a mere spectator, who has nothing at stake.

I know it's been a year, and one might say "Girl! stop being a dumbass." They'd use hundred different ways to say the same thing "move on". However, It's never been easy for me to unlove someone.

Well! These are midnight thoughts. Recently I've been dealing with insomnia also. I tried a lot of things- tricks, asmr, counting, exercise... yeah nothing works. To add on top of all I couldn't put my phone down. The second I start scrolling through the reels, suddenly time speds up.

And when I tried to put my phone down and close my eyes, I remember how I used to sleep listening to his breathing.

He was never special, nothing about him screamed about the man I lust over from my books. A man of culture, chiseled jaw, sounds mysterious, and to culmunate I always dreamt of a sage with the body of a warrior.

He... was an average guy, with lucious hair and a sweet dimple but above all I liked him for..

Well! I don't know. I have tried to reason with myself a thousand times that I can find someone better but it's difficult to find a good guy nowadays.

My screen flashed: "Submission deadline".

I completely forgot that tomorrow I have to submit the final draft of my upcoming novel. It's already past midnight and i don't have the energy to finish it anymore.

Maybe I’ll make up some excuses and ask for one more day.

Or maybe I’ll just close my eyes and try to sleep.

After writing five bestselling novels, one might think, “I can write with my eyes closed.”

In reality, all it takes is for someone to breathe, and suddenly you lose every bit of your ability to write.

I tried writing romance once, but failed miserably. My editor suggested that maybe I needed to fall in love first, so I could understand what it truly feels like.

Now that I’m heartbroken, my first thought is to kill her off.

Romance has no place in my stories. People love me for my thrillers, and that’s what kept my name relevant.

I open my phone and scroll past all the files until I find the one I’m looking for.

I press play.

“Goodnight, baby.”

I softly whisper goodnight back.

This is the only thing I still hold dear. His voice soothes my soul, and slowly, I drift to sleep.

I don’t know if I can ever unlove you.