Love Cruise

Lost In Thoughts

FIVE

Aaron

"Are you even listening to me?"

I jumped on my executive chair, startled as I looked at Jessica, the marketing team lead of my company.

"I'm sorry." I mumbled an apology to her and sighed.

I couldn't deny that I wasn't listening to her. I really wasn't. My mind was somewhere else. I couldn't tell how long she had been talking for but I knew that I had zoned off at a point.

My eyes strayed to the screen of my laptop and I held in my gasp. It was ten thirty already and no wonder Jessica was angry. She had a look on her face like she would like to snap and yell at me if I wasn't her employer. She had been talking for the past twenty five minutes and I hadn't heard anything. I had drifted off into a strange land five minutes after the meeting which started by then.

She had a right to be annoyed that I wasn't listening because I was the one who had called for her to meet me in my office for review. Why would I do that when I knew that she wasn't listening especially when I knew that she would have other things she could have been doing in her office?

"I'm sorry." I said again, rubbing my hands through my hair in exasperation and leaning on my chair.

She sighed, her eyes getting soft as she looked at me. Asides her being my employee, she was one of the close people in my life as well and understood me in a way.

"What is the problem?" She asked.

I sighed and shook my head. As much as she was someone I could confide in, it wasn't something like this. How could I tell her that I was attracted, undeniably attracted to a lady who dances at the strip club that I had just been to? She wouldn't understand.

It wasn't that she was a judgemental person and would look at me with disgust but I didn't think that she would understand.

Jessica was an advocate for morality and there was no way that she would understand how I could see anything good in a strip dancer.

I had been bored and it was Lucas, one of my friends, who had recommended the club to me. I had walked in and sat at the back because I was not sure of what I would find there and I didn't want my face to be identified as a new customer and getting patronized by the manager in case I wasn't going to go there again.

She had come up on stage and everything about my world had been tilted. I had finally realized why Lucas had referred to it as top-notch and I had fallen right there for the woman dancing on that stage.

At first, it was lust. A pure, sharp and undiluted stream of it had shot up through my veins all the way to my groin and I had winced in pain as I felt my it getting thicker and fuller.

What a miracle! I had gasped in astonishment and kept on looking at the woman as she continued dancing, twerking her waist and working herself up and down the pole with a raw mix of sensuality and professionalism.

My eyes feasted on her, oblivious to anything else as I wanted to see more of her moves. The more she danced, the harder I got and the more I was amazed and wondered the magic she was using on me.

I couldn't remember the last time I felt this way for a woman. I was always interested in work and never seemed attracted to a lady that I had no doubt that people closer to me would have already thought that I was gay or impotent.

I was neither of those and wished I could find a way to capture this moment to show them that I wasn't gay or impotent and they could let their mind be at rest.

I wanted to f**k her. I wanted to f**k her hard. It was as if all my buried desires and fantasies had finally resurfaced to life and I wanted to have them them all with her. I wanted to bury myself so deep in her that she wouldn't have the strength to dance in front of other men.

I had snorted, clenching my fist hard around the glass of whisky that I held in my hand when I had realized that I was jealous of a stranger that I hadn't talked to, just because she turned me on.

Come on, Aaron. When did you become like this? I chastised myself.

I had thought that it was all about lust for me until she finished dancing and I saw clearly her eyes when she moved forward to bow to the audience. She had intelligent eyes and I was drawn to them. She seemed to have a story to tell and I would love to listen to them all night.

It was then that I knew I had fallen for her and what I felt for her was more than a reaction. I was curious about her. I wanted to know more of her and have more of her as well.

I couldn't believe that I had searched for her immediately I got to the club yesterday and shocked myself with the disappointing feeling that ran through my body as I had heard that she had just finished her dance.

Sensing the despair on my face, the waitress I had asked about her had told me that she was still around if I wanted to see her. Of course, I wanted to see her and I had smiled brightly, elated at the news and tipped the waitress well.

She had looked at me like I was crazy but I didn't care. That was how I was. If I wanted something, I went after it without caring of what others would say. I wouldn't have survived in business otherwise.

She had thanked me with a big smile and told me that she had seen her walk outside after her show. It was from her that I had learnt the name of the lady tormenting my dreams and fueling my fantasies and I had loved it.

Anabel. A sweet name for a sweet lady.

I was out of the door before the waitress was done speaking and frowned as I got outside and couldn't find anyone else. Had the waitress lied to me? Had she gone home without anyone knowing? But that was the back of the club and I didn't think that anyone could have gone home through the place.

I had been startled when I had heard the gruff voice of the bouncer asking me what I was looking for and why I wasn't in the club. I had blushed at being seen as a nuisance, grateful at that moment that I was black or I would have been as red as Santa.

The bouncer had asked if I was looking for a spot to smoke and I had replied in the negative, telling him that I was looking for Anabel. His eyes had immediately darkened as I mentioned her name and he had told me that she wasn't to be disturbed. I had sensed that he knew where she was and was trying to protect her. I had to immediately tell him that I wasn't going to hurt her.

I sighed. I couldn't believe that I had bribed a bouncer to force her whereabouts out of him. What I still couldn't believe till now was that I had met and she had rejected me.

Damn, that was as shocking as hell. Was she kidding? She had said that she didn't like me. I couldn't believe she had said that. I couldn't believe that anyone would say to me.

Ladies in my circle would kill and topple all over themselves just to be seen with me but yet, she hadn't even acted like I was worth her attention. How could she have had the nerve to reject me? It wasn't that I was looking down on her but I was used to so much attention from ladies that I found it hard to believe that anyone would reject me.

I couldn't stop thinking of why she had rejected me and that was what I was worried about. I wished I could ask Jessica about it but she wouldn't understand. She would look at me in a funny way if I asked her if she knew why a lady would reject a guy.

That was surely a question she wasn't expecting me to ask, not in a million years. Asides that, she would be curious and I didn't think that I was ready to talk about Anabel to anyone else yet.

She was a secret I was going to keep dearly to my heart until I knew that she was mine.

"Are you still here with me?" Jessica asked, scowling at me.

I blinked, staring at her as I zoomed back to the present. I wasn't there with her. I had zoned out again. I let out a sigh as I realized that this meeting wasn't going to be productive.

It would be a fatal waste of time if I didn't put an end to it now. I was constantly getting distracted and she was pissed at me already that I didn't know what she was going to do to me if I annoyed her a bit more.

"I think we should put a wrap on this." I told her. "Let's do this another time."

She nodded.

"I thought you would never say that." I chuckled.

"Were you expecting me to end the meeting?" She snorted.

"Of course. What is the point of having the meeting when you are not clearly not here?"

"I'm sorry." I apologized to her, she shook her head.

"You don't have to, I understand. I know you wouldn't have been distracted and worried about what you are thinking of if it is not serious." I nodded.

"Thanks, Jessica." I replied though I knew she would crucify me if she knew that I didn't exactly have a serious reason for getting distracted in the meeting.

She didn't have to know and as for me, the reason was serious enough to get me distracted. She packed her laptop she was working on and walked out of the office.

I watched as she did so, glad I could immerse myself in my thoughts without any distractions and think of ways to get Anabel to want me as much as I wanted her. I didn't think that I had a future yet in my brain for the two of us but I knew that I wanted to keep seeing her for as long as I could.

I was obsessed with her and I didn't think that I wanted to break free from it. As if my mum was reading my mind from where she was. No sooner had I had the thought of thinking of Anabel that her call came through. I rolled my eyes as I saw the caller ID, knowing what she was going to say. There was only one thing that my mum talked of recently.

"Hi, mum." I greeted as I raised the phone to my ear.

"Do you have a girlfriend yet?" She asked, just as I had expected.

"Not yet, mum." I gave her my usual response, wondering why she wasn't tired of asking the same question and getting the same response.

Why couldn't she be patient? Why did she have to frustrate.