Beginning to End: The Start of Our Story

Chapter 1: Broken

Alysin:

Staring up at the light lavender colored ceiling of my bedroom, I allowed my mind to drift off. No matter what, I just couldn't get myself to sleep. I guess that's just one more thing that's just broken with me. First people are breaking my trust, then their promises to me, afterward my heart and now my brain is broken. Why do people get close to you just to turn around and stab you in the back? Why do they make promises they can't keep? Why do they get you to give them your heart just to break it? Why do people have to make others broken? Nothing good ever comes from hurting others, so why do it? People talk bad about you because they think you can't hear them, even though you hear every single word they're saying.

I snap myself out of my depressive spiral to feel my cheeks wet with tears. This is why I don't let my mind wander. All it causes me to do is go down a rabbit hole. I can't break down, not now, not ever. I can't let people get to me. I can't let them win. They can't break me down. I feel like they wouldn't treat me the way they do if they knew my story. They don't, though they just think they do and jump to conclusions, judging me based on my appearance and behavior. Nobody wants to know who I am or what my story is. I've had a few people claim to love me, but it was only because they wanted something from me. When they realized they wouldn't get what they wanted, they would break my trust, break their promises, and break my heart, leaving me to my own despair. They don't want me for who I am or my personality. They just want to keep knocking me down. No matter what they do, I always stand back up and fight. They can even try kicking me while I'm down, but I get right back up and don't show them that they get to me. I can't have them thinking I'm weak, not when they don't know me. They don't know my story.

My name is Alysin, and this is my story. I'm seventeen years old. I live by myself in a small apartment. My parents are both dead, and I'm emancipated. My legal guardian after my parents' death didn't want me nor did she want to take care of me. She signed over her rights as a guardian and made it possible for me to become emancipated. I'm a high-school senior, and I have no idea what I want to do with my life. I've been on my own for close to two years, and all I can say is that it feels free. My parents co-owned a restaurant, which got inherited to me. I clean, wait tables, and even cook sometimes. All the employees are really nice and they all loved my parents. Everyone thought they were such kind, amazing, loving people, but what they don't realize is that looks can be deceiving.

My parents made it seem like they were good parents, but that was only part-time. I suffered from two broken bones, four sprains, five black eyes, and many many bruises, all before the age of fifteen. After a while, my parents got smart and wouldn't touch me as long as they were sure no one would see it. They went and did good things and treated me nicely, to prove to me that they only did it because they loved me. I guess that's the first time someone has broken my trust. Their deaths were the first time someone had broken their promises because they promised never to hurt me again. It was also the first someone who had broken my heart.

All people know me as is the girl with the dead parents. The girl who doesn't have friends. The girl who nobody wants to be around. The girl who nobody loves. The girl who people think they can just push around. They don't know me as me. The girl with a kind heart. The girl who loves books and music. The girl who is resilient The girl who is a restaurant owner to give people second chances. A waitress. A cook. An artist. A writer. No one knows her. No one wants to get to know her. It's honestly sad and makes me feel like I will always be alone. I always feel alone, but that makes sense since I am the girl who suffers from depression, insomnia, abuse, and abandonment. Nobody wants me. Nobody loves me, and everyone eventually leaves. Somedays, I feel like I can't take the pain anymore. There's times when I just want to curl up and die. When I just want to give up fighting, but I can't, and I won't. I don't know why I keep fighting, but for some reason, I keep holding onto hope that there's someone out there who'll accept me and love me for who I am as a person. They'll take one look at me, and rather than judging a book by its cover, they'll actually open it up and flip through the pages; learning what they discover when they take another look.

There's a soft vibration of my phone next to me as my alarm for school goes off at six o'clock in the morning. What a wonderful way to start the day, a big whole heaping scoop of zero sleep. It's starting to become a nightly occurrence, I lay down for bed all tired and worn out and end up spending the whole night wide awake. I crawl out from under the warmth of my purple comforter and make my way out of my room to get myself a cup of coffee, maybe two. The wooden floors of the kitchen feel cold against my feet, sending shivers up my bare legs. While getting my coffee made, I turn on some music just to make it feel less quiet. Drinking down my coffee fairly quickly, I go ahead and make a second cup before getting dressed for school and starting my day. Once the second cup is finished, I head back to my room and get changed into a pair of black skinny jeans with a pair of burgundy combat boots. I pair the pants and boots with a simple burgundy top with long sleeves and a crossed lace front. As I head over to my small vanity to brush my brownish black hair, I pull on my black leather jacket. I decide to pull my hair back into nice and tight French braids that keep it from falling into my face.

As I finish up getting ready, my music gets shut off as the final alarm goes off on my phone. I head over to the kitchen, grabbing my phone, as well as my keys and wallet, off of the counter, and head out the front door. The drive to school was actually quite peaceful. The sun rose over the mountains, turning the sky into hues and pinks, blues, and purples, while the wind was calm and there were no eradic drivers. Leaving early allows me to get there before any of the other students do, which lets me pull into the parking spot closest to the front doors of the school. Getting as close as I can to the front doors allows for me to have a quick exit when the day is over. I head out of my car with my bag over my right shoulder and quickly head to the outdoor "cubby", I tend to hide in before school starts. Sitting down leaning against the wall, I pull out my sketch book and start to sketch the mountains off in the distance adding a willow tree in the foreground, the branches drawn with a flow to them as if the wind is blowing. Just as I start to use my finger to smudge the graphite to create shadows, I hear the crunching of gravel rocks as someone steps in front of me. I quickly peer up to see a male I don't recognize with bag slung over his shoulder and his piercing blue eyes looking down at me. A small smile forms on his lips as his eyes meet mine.

"I'm sorry, I didn't realize anyone else was here," I quickly state as I stuff my supplies back in my bag and rush to leave.

"Oh, no, don't worry about it. I'm new here, and I noticed you walking over here when I was walking out of the front office. I want a better understanding of my class schedule and thought you could help, so I followed you. I lost sight of you for a few minutes as I tried to figure out where you went, and as you can see, I figured it out," The bright eyed male explained.

"Do you have your schedule on you for me to look at?" I question him. He pulls a folded piece of paper out of his pocket and hands it to me. After unfolding it, I quickly explained the layout of the school and where all his classes should be. Then I fold it up the way it was and hand it back to him after he understands the order of his classrooms. "You have a wonderful rest of your day, Niklos. I hope that explains everything, I'm sorry, but I have to go," I say as I start to walk away.

"How did you know my name?," He asks after a few minutes.

"It was on your schedule," I hastily replied back, slightly turning around.

"I never caught your name," He says with a quizzical smile.

"That's because I never offered it," I state, turning back around and walking inside the school towards my locker to prepare for class before anyone else shows up.