My Best Friend

Chapter nine: Mixture of emotions

SHAY'S POV

I have been laying awake  for more than an hour already I had a bad time sleeping last night. I don't know if I should feel bad about what happen the passing days. My heart goes out to Gideon, he has been trying to call and text me all weekend and being unsure as to if I should reply or not, so I chose to not reply at all. I snoozed my alarm twice already. I really don't feel like going to school today. Getting out  of bed seems next to impossible

SHAY! BREAKFAST IS READY.... COME EAT BREAKFAST IS GETTING COLD AND YOU GOING TO BE LATE... So I guess no sleeping in for me . I am sitting up on the end of my bed with my head to the back like someone with a handover not that I know what a hangover feels like, I have never hand anything alcoholic in this teenage live of mine.... hopefully the Shay in another universe  is having much more fun and are not getting herself in such situations like MWAH.

"Good morning everyone I hope you having a wonderful morning..." I greeted,  not much in the talking mood so hope they get that message... "Morning honey what is with the attitude " my dad ask, for one that is not a morning person he sure sounds pretty chirpy this morning... what did he get some or something. Okay that was a bit out harsh... I think it is time my mind shut up and my stomach get fed. "no attitude dad just tired I guess.." lifting my glass almost like I am saying cheers like we at some fancy  restaurant or something. Anyway it is time for me to go get ready for school.

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Finally arrived at school. I am currently standing in front of the gate watching other students pass me entering the school, no one seem like they really want to be here. No one is really ready for Monday mornings.... everyone looks like zombies, whether they have been out partying or stayed at home studying  we all look like something out of a horror movie.  Okay maybe I am exaggerating but no one likes a Monday, there is a reason people say it is a blue Monday.

Holy syrup how did I not hear the bell is ringing. So right now I am running to my first period class, let me just say Me plus Running, not a good match. Have you ever seen a fat girl run not a nice sight to see but we can be quite fast if we have to. I am seriously laughing at myself while going into class, I am getting some weird looks as I am entering the class. At this point I don't give a damn all I don't want at this moment is to walk into one of my friends. Which will be very hard seeing that on a Monday we have quite a few classes together. Right now at least I don't have to worry about that first period I don't get with them on a Monday, the only person I still have to face is Sean and I don't think he have forgiven me for that whole man w***e thing. He is looking at me but not saying anything, kind of creepy if you ask me. " do you have something to say Sean?" He just shake he's head signaling no I suppose.

The teachers was boring as always...and I have been ditching my friends whole day. Whenever they try to approach me I find a way to escape. I don't still want to elaborate on my boring long day and  on top of this junk day I have a lot of homework and a English paper that must go in tomorrow. I  can't believe Mrs. Brandt would do this to us. The whole English class was complaining but that's to be expected, teens don't like homework or getting a dead line as to when work needs to go in especially if that day is the next day.

The walk home felt extremely long just like the walk there this morning. It is funny how a day can pass when you not thinking about it. Like one minute you in class and the next you in front of your gate getting ready to enter. I know I wasn't the last  to exit the house this morning but I don't know why I am feeling so guilty about the gate being unlocked maybe it is because I am normally the last one to leave the house in the morning.... Now that I am thinking about it I am the last to leave always unless my mom have a late shift at work of which she didn't today. This morning things were oddly different and because of my state of feeling so poorly 'lol', I didn't realize nor notice  until now. But I will confirm my theory soon let me just find my key to the house in this messy bag of mine. EEEEW! What is this..... it is sticky and pink. What ?is this bubblegum? I don't even eat bubblegum, must have been Gideon that put it in my bag. Should have been a long time ago because it is all melted and gooey ,eeew!

YES! Found it! So I unlock the door... or should I say try to, this all is a little odd it just don't make sense. "HELLO" I tried calling out but no answer. So I guess I must go door to door now.. am I some kind of sales person... seriously I just hope here ain't no burglar in our house. I know nothing on how to defend myself. And I don't think the stuff we learn in PT will be useful at all. "HELLO" I call out again, but yet again no reply. "MOM, DAD? ARE YOU IN HERE....." again no answer. "I AM CALLING THE POLICE NOW!" I shout. Just as I am about to  take out my phone my parents came running out of the room. The picture I saw was quite funny and disturbing at the same time." No need for that honey" they said at the same time. I couldn't help but to burst out laughing, mom's face was as white as that of a ghost like someone that's embarrassed about their mischievous doings... but that  is the way of life. I mean it took me so long to get in here so they had enough time to get dressed properly and comb their hair right or something but instead they waited for me to enter the house and shout out threats about the police like they some kind of burglars lol or maybe they are, only they will know. Who takes off from work to have s*x. Its just weird. Okay I don't know the full story also don't want to know they must just go fetch my brother because I don't feel like it. We still standing here just looking at each other...  It is the first time my mom is speechless and I think I like it. So what I did  next surprise even me. I shook my head at put up my hands up like I am surrendering ,shook my head and walk to my room and as I am walking shout with my index finger in the air, " I WILL BE IN MY ROOM IF ANYONE NEEDS ME...". I heard them laughing like naughty school kids 'lol' can you imagine.

I just threw my bag on the floor and fell on my bed and it feel so nice to finally have gotten to my room. My room feels like my safe place where it is only my thoughts and I. I like it like that. My feelings need to be let out but truth be told... I don't know how to do that though I normally just sleep things off in hope that the next day will be a little better but look how that is helping me right. I keep reading the text between Gideon and I, I miss him... I miss him like crazy. Seeing him and the others at school today just broke me piece by piece because I was burning to talk to them and it just don't feel right to after I have been ghosting them since Saturday. How do one apologize to your friends that have been apologizing to me since Saturday already, I feel like a jerk. I feel worst off for Gideon than the others..... Why? I really don't know. I have been trying to work out why I am feeling like I do but the answer to that why don't sit well with me. Seeing Gideon with Keshia that day broke me a little maybe because I was looking forward to spend time with my friends and he dangled along outsiders of which I didn't like. He wanted to pair me up with Sean of all people. SEAN! FUCKEN SEAN! Why didn't he just go with me instead huh? he had to go with one of he's cheerleader dates and pair me up with someone so I am not in he's way... don't he like me? I was wearing that shitty clothes just to look good for..... Just never mind .I just want to scream and not stop until all my feelings for everyone is gone and forgotten. I am crying now why I also don't know just like I know nothing about myself because I know so little my friends need to dress me and my best friend need to set me up with someone because I am to pathetic to do so myself. I am boiling with fury inside of me it just want to be unleased.

I must have fallen asleep because of all the crying because when I woke up it was 23:00 pm. I quite surprise that my parents didn't call me for dinner or to come  clean dishes, they normally do. I hope they not still feeling guilty about what I almost walked into, its not like I caught them in the act. They could have been role playing for some acting gig or something... Okay yah I hear how stupid that sound 'lol'. I am rather going to continue sleeping, I don't feel that hungry  anyway.