The Black Fae

help me out

I woke up at 7 am today, like every other day. But not much sleep, like every other day. I didn't bother to get dressed or do my hair, like every other day. It's been a matted kinky curly mess since he passed. Today marks a year. It has been a year since my mate committed suicide—a long year. I do not know how I have been handling things. It has been such a blur, honestly.

Everything reminds me of him, and unless I get a second-chance mate, I do not think I will get over his loss. Instead, I will probably be a shell of my former self. 

Every time I close my eyes, I see his smiling face and his sterling blue eyes staring back at me with so much love, and I miss it so much. 

I miss the way his hands touched mine, and I felt sparks. But, goddess, I miss the sparks and tickles it gave me. 

Every time I close my eyes, I feel like I just want to be with him. I just want to feel his arms wrapping around me with the warmest of hugs, his lips on mine as he kisses me goodbye as I go to class. Every time I close my eyes, it is the only time I see him. I pray to the goddess every day to take my pain away, but the pain is still there every time I wake up. 

I really wish I could get out of my rut. I wish I could talk to someone, but I freeze every time I try to talk to my best friend. 

A knock on my door finally pulled me from my trance. I got up out of my bed and walked to the door. I unlocked it and opened the door to find Luca, my best friend since seventh grade and the Alpha of our pack. I didn't pay much attention to him. I left the door open and crawled back to my bed.

I heard Luca close the door but paid no attention to where he went off to, stuck in my thought of my mate. I really need help.  My wolf has been depressed, too; she whimpers in my head since we felt him die.

"Liz, come here, please," Luca says to me. I get up and look around my messy room and see Luca in the bathroom. 

"You need to shower, wash your hair, and brush your teeth. I need a strong Beta, and my pack does not see a strong Beta." 

I growl lowly at his insinuation that I am not strong. 

"I am strong, Luca." "I know you are, and I know you are still hurting a lot, but please." He begged. Maybe, this is what I need, I think to myself. I have been praying for the pain to go away, praying that someone would take that pain away. Maybe Selene and Austin are working through Luca. 

 "Plus, you can practice some of your magical abilities," He added. I discovered I had magical abilities when Austin died. I was in such an emotional state. I felt this unknown power take over me, and when I woke up, I was surrounded by a field of torn-up dirt and uproot trees and flowers. I finally huffed and made my way to the bathroom. 

I looked in my messy bathroom and found that he had run a bath for me. The bath smelled like lavender and vanilla, one of my favorite scents. I watched as Luka exited the bathroom but stayed in my room.

I guess he wanted to make sure I was okay. So I unplugged the bath and started a shower. 

But, Goddess, I haven't showered in so long.

Today I finally took one, not because I smelled, "even though we might have," my wold adds, but because my best friend told me to. He called me weak, and I know I am not. 

It's not like I did stink. I've been changing my clothes, tried using dry shampoo a couple of times; I keep wiping my smell parts, but I haven't showered in such a long time. 

After that good cry with Luka, I feel slightly better, I know I need more time, but maybe things will get better. Luca believes I could get better. 

Stepping back into the shower after gathering my products made my stomach flip with anxiety. 

When I started to shampoo my hair, the knotted nest of my thick kinky hair fell in clumps. I haven't combed, moisturized, or oiled my hair in so long. I watched as my hands filled with strands of my dead hair falling from my head. 

I struggled to keep my hair from going down the drain. And I hate having the Omegas clean for me, so cleaning my room will be next once I am better. 

While rinsing out my hair, I watched as the water went from dark brown to clear. Then, I ran my deep conditioner through my hair and slowly detangled my hair. My hair needed the moisture it lacked for almost a year. 

As I let the conditioner sit and penetrate my hair, I focus on my body. There is so much hair, and I am not here for it. 

I lather up my washcloth and begin to clean myself. I washed between my toes, behind my ears, under my butt, between my thighs, under my breast, and inside my belly button. 

While washing, I felt as my body changed. I have once had the perfect body, so everyone said. The perfect hourglass shape. Now all I feel are my bones. 

I scrubbed and scrubbed anywhere the bacteria overgrew. 

I raised off my body and my hair and again watched as the water went brown to clear. Then, finally, I watched as the water swirled down the drain. 

I turned off the water and grabbed my towel to dry off. 

I stood in front of the mirror for a few minutes, looking at myself and how much I changed. Then, finally, I smiled and noticed my teeth were super yellow. "I need to make an appointment with the dentist," I said to myself.

I lifted my arms and saw a ton of hair on the armpit. "I really need to shave or get a wax, like everywhere," I whisper to myself. 

I brushed my teeth with the new toothbrush Luka must have brought for me. Then, I washed my face with my face wash and brush tool. 

I added leave-in conditioner and hair oil to my hair and scalp and twisted my hair into sections.

I stepped out of the bathroom and quickly made my way to my closet to get some clothes out. I noticed that Luca started to clean my room a bit and change the sheets. He is now comfortably lying on my bed. 

I picked out a black oversized t-shirt and some black shorts. I put on my clothes and jumped on the bed with Luca. 

He slowly rose on my bed. 

"Hey, Luca, can I ask you a question," I mumble. "Yea," he answers. "Umm, I don't think I can get out of this on my own. I really need your help. Can you help me, please," I plead. "How can I help," He ask. "Distract me, please." "Okay, I can do that, but it will be my way and not questioning me." I nod my head in agreement. 

"We will start now; in about 10 minutes, go to the training field."