Fated Dinner Part 1:

Chapter 4

Chapter 4:

In spite of the fact that this was one of the last ways she'd wanted it to happen, Katherine knew she owed herself and her unborn child a responsibility. Over the course of the next month, she threw herself into a vigorous exercise routine, and began forcing herself to eat right. She'd made an appointment with her hospital's ob gyn group, and the results had been less than positive.

They'd told her flat out that the chances of the pregnancy coming to term was little to none. Still, Katherine refused to let it stop her. Maybe she hadn't wanted children, and definitely not this way, but she was going to do all she could to bring this child into the world.

Her determination showed too. She slowly was getting into what was easily the best shape of her life and she had gained a bit of her lost weight back. Maybe the girls in ob gyn told her it was impossible to carry the baby to term, but she was going to fight to do all she could and make it happen.

For a full month, she did. She didn't drink or smoke or do anything else to put her young child in harm's way. She didn't go out late, didn't eat anything wrong for the growing child. However, controlling her emotional life was another story. Tom still was ignoring her and by now she'd gone past the denial into anger. In a way, it helped.

She poured herself into caring for the unborn child and excelling at her job, and it worked. Even Dr. Hilton had voiced her approval of Katherine's improvement. However, during her 8th week of pregnancy, fate intervened.

As she was lying on the couch, petting Trip and watching a show on Netflix, it hit her.

Honestly, had Katherine not known that she was pregnant; she would've merely thought she'd had a particularly heavy period, but as a doctor she knew better. It was miscarriage, medically pure and simple, but it threw her into pure shock. She wasn't even sure what she was supposed to feel, or how she did feel.

Regardless of what it was called scientifically, it had been her child. It hadn't even made it through the first trimester. Technically, it didn't have a gender yet. But still… it had been her child. On the other hand, this was what her life had demanded. She was a doctor in her internship. She frankly didn't have the time a child demanded, and couldn't even afford to take the time off for a pregnancy.

She alternated for hours between relief and guilt and despair. Had she not had the pregnancy at all, she would've done the responsible thing and gone into work. As it was, she couldn't face it. Luckily the hospital had at least understood enough to give her a few days off for the grief, and even though Katherine knew she should be relived and grateful, she was crestfallen.

It meant that what she was doing actually mattered so little that she could not be there and no one was suffering because of it. That fact hit hard, far too hard. Torn to emotional shreds as she already was by Tom and her child, it was now fact that the thing she'd been aiming for over the past eight years was a waste. It didn't matter… and if her love, her child and her job didn't matter… nothing did.

For a full day, Katherine didn't leave her bed. She didn't answer the phone, didn't open the door and just wasted away hour by hour. Finally, two days after her miscarriage, she made a choice.

She took a handful of aspirin and drew a bath for herself. The water was pleasant and warm and she slipped into it. She took a moment to appreciate the feeling, and then grabbed the razor from the edge of the tub. She hadn't written a note, and hadn't prepared a will. It hardly seemed important anymore.

As the water washed over her prone form, she took the razor and set it against her wrist. Katherine took one more deep breath and drew it quickly up the length of her forearm, gasping with the slight rush of pain. Using what feeling remained in that hand, she took the razor to her other arm and repeated the move.

Blood spurted out of the wounds. Honestly, it didn't scare her. It must've been one of the side effects of being a surgeon. After having your hands inside of a human being, it was hard to view the body as anything more than a machine. As she started to feel a little dizzy, there was a loud knock at her door. She ignored it.

It wasn't as if there was anyone she wanted to see right now anyway. Besides, knowing her bad luck it was Tom trying to collect the last of his stuff. Whoever it was knocked again… and again… Then there was silence.

Katherine figured whoever it was must've given up and she re-settled into the tub.

"KATHERINE?!"

She bolted upright, desperate to cover her wrists as much as her own nakedness. Looking up she saw Wendy standing there, a horrid mix of fury and worry etched on her face. In spite of herself, Katherine managed to get out of the tub and dress herself, careful to cover the wounds on her arms.

Wendy would hear nothing of her explanations though.

"For f**k's sake Katherine! I knew things were hard but did you even think about what you were doing?!"

Wendy, against Katherine's protests, called the hospital and dressed her cuts. Katherine couldn't stop her and just broke down into tears. Wendy stayed by her side until the paramedics showed up, hugging her and rocking her back and forth gently.

The paramedics put her in the back of the ambulance and hooked her up to an IV before placing some surgical glue on the wounds.

"You'll probably need stitches," one of the paramedics said. "But this will hold you in place until we get to the hospital."

She didn't respond. Words couldn't describe how embarrassing this truly was. A doctor, a surgeon had sliced her own arms, hard in an attempt to kill herself.

Luckily it wasn't St. Luke's. Katherine wasn't sure she'd be able to handle that embarrassment. It was bad enough to get the condescending look from someone in her own field. The doctor that patched her up knew his stuff. It certainly hadn't taken long.

The worst part was the questions she knew had to right answer.

"So what happened?" asked Dr. Hanson.

"I just… I…"

"You did this to yourself," he said, not really asking.

She nodded slightly.

"Well, Katherine we'll have to keep you here for a few days and watch over you. I'll have the nurse come in and give you back your clothes."

She didn't speak or respond. There were no words and she had no hope of this ending well.