Snowflakes and Second chances

SECOND THOUGHTS

With the next few days spent in the cocoon of my misery and stuffing my face with junks, I begin to have second thoughts of everything that had gone down at the office the other night and the thought that maybe I had reacted to rashly dances across my mind as I spend the lonely nights bawling my eyes out.

Divorcing Jacob was going to turn my life upside down in the worst way ever, and I wasn't sure I was prepared for such a situation. What would become of the company? The years of hard work?

Of all the things many married couples had worked through to stay together, I believed my situation couldn't be the worst so what if I tried to overlook this betrayal?

The thoughts in my head was all so jumbled I didn't know what made sense or not anymore, and it was beginning to feel like I had lost it to even let the consideration of forgiving him brush through my mind.

I couldn't return home, I was too much of a coward to face the repercussions of all my poorly mode decisions, and I didn't know what else to do with my life after Jacob.

It was at this trailing moment that it dawned on me perfectly that I had no recollection of whom I used to be before meeting Jacob in college anymore.

The courageous woman who had stood up to him back at the office may have been a little glimpse of whom I once used to be.

And yet, she had died back down the minute I returned home and took in everything I'd be throwing away by leaving.

At this point, I barely had any self-respect or worth to preserve, and I had taken every sort of blow he had thrown at me, so maybe I was going to just take this one in and apologize for the way I'd reacted.

Granted, he was going to have a field day with the beating of my life that I'd receive as punishment, but I believed I'd survive it just like I always did, and I was going to die in silence and pretend like I hadn't seen he and Rita, regardless of what their next course of action would be.

I take my pathetic self off the bed and clean the room before going to wash up after days of lying in dried up tears, snots and sweat, and in about an hour, the house is sparkling, and I've made a buffet worth dinner looking my best while praying that perhaps the satisfaction from the hearty meal I had cooked would reduce the blows a bit.

The nagging voice in my head chanting over and over that I deserved better is forcefully silenced by me because deep down, I knew I shouldn't be here to begin with, not to talk more of cooking and priming up for a man who had broken me.

Yet, I still sat hopefully in the living room, waiting for my husband, who hadn't even come around the house for the past three nights.

I can hear a car pull up, and I find myself shaking away everything that's logical and sensible as I ready to welcome him, but that smile crashes to the floor as giggles and another voice floats to my ears just before they make their grand entrance.

“Amelia?” Rita looks surprised to see me and I don't know what's even more embarrassing presently, the fact that I was still in the house after all my bluffs or that I was all dressed up, the house warm with mouthwatering aromas from the dishes I had prepared.

“Not this again! What the f**k are you still doing here?” Jacob snaps at me as I take note of his bandaged nose.

“Uhm I-I wanted to talk-” I'm a stuttering mess as I hadn't clearly thought through the possibility of him showing up with his mistress to our matrimonial home, and now I didn't know what to say.

“There's no point Amelia, I don't know what it is that you're up to but as you can clearly see, I'm here with Rita, and you're meant to have moved out.” He states, and I frown confused, looking between the two of them.

“This is our home, Jacob, how can you bring her here?” He chuckles at my statement as Rita continues to be such a coward with her eyes locked on the floor, mouth shut.

“Our home? I tolerated you long enough, and I would've told you sooner if it weren't for Rita who wanted me to be nicer about it, but thankfully you brought up the topic yourself and seeing as you're still here, you've saved me a lot of stress.” He steps towards me and I take a step back out of habit, but he doesn't seem like he wants to hit me as he hands me an envelope with a wicked smile.

“Those are our divorce papers in your hand, I've had them drafted a long time ago now. Sign them and hand them over to our lawyer, and please go get your things and get out right now. You're not allowed back to the house because it's under my name.” He spits at me with so much hatred.

“How long has this been going on for?” I find myself whispering as stubborn tears escape my eyes pouring down my face as I clutch the envelope in my hand as somehow that was one question I really needed an answer to.

“About three months now.” Rita's the one to answer in a small whisper and as I take one final long look into Jacob's eyes and one last one at Rita too, my own eyes shining with betrayal, heartbreak and shock, I turn my back and go upstairs having nothing more to say, and not wanting to be in their presence for another second.

Packing up barely takes me ten minutes, and I'm back down almost immediately, just before I walk past them, I grab the edge of the tablecloth that had all the food spread out on it and pull, watching everything I had cooked crash to the floor, I then flash them a smile amidst my tears and walk out the door.

It's like the rain had been waiting for my exist because just as I descend the stairs, the weather that had been unclear all day finally melts into a downpour washing away everything I thought I knew and all that remained of my married life with my tears down the drain.