Naked Inner Thoughts

NIT: 6

~

̶H̶a̶p̶p̶y̶ ̶N̶e̶w̶ ̶Y̶e̶a̶r̶

Some people were smiling

Some people were laughing

Some were dancing

and some were singing

New year is a new life

Living the best as possibly as you could

But here I am crying.

Still asking "why"?

You never knew the burden that built inside me

You never knew how I wish I was dead

Taking turmoil in my heart

Messing up my head was always your best at.

~

Unbreakable Chain

It's always been like this

Hurting

Forgiving

Blaming

Crying

Feeling victim

Barely moving,

OR

It's just me who's stuck in the past?

...

..

.

Can we stop this?

I'm so tired, do you know that?

I'm tired of digging up holes in my mind

Just to bury all those past events in my life

that caused me to be traumatized!!!

How I wish you were there!

Watching me struggling!!

How I wish you could read my mind,

On how chaotic it was in the inside.

~

I love you so much

that I've been stupid in making decisions.

I thought it was right to keep you away from me

In exchange for your safety.

To think she knows me all too well,

So she's been with you, every day.

I used to think that it is okay

I used to put up an act feelin' like okay

But, every time you're not looking at me

I give up my act,

It was too much for me to handle

All the emptiness I felt inside.

I was watching you above,

While my heart broke into a million pieces

I want you to be by your side instead of her

I want you to look at me, and only me

I want your smile just for me

I want your attention

I want your touch,

But even you can't be mine.

Because I'm ashamed to be close to you

when I also know that I hurt you.

I love you my dear boy best friend,

I can only hope that my feelings will reach you.

I love you.