Chapter Two - If Only
1176 Words
I look at my mother lying on hospital bed, still unconscious. The doctor said she might wake up anytime soon so I didn’t leave her side so when she wakes up, I will the first person she will see.
She looks really pale. She’s paler and skinnier than before. Seeing my mother’s state like this makes me want to bawl my eyes.
When I saw her slowly opening the windows of her eyes, I immediately wiped my tears so that she won’t feel bad. I plastered a smile on my face and greeted her.
“Mom, I’m glad you’re awake now. Are you feeling well?” I asked while holding her hand.
She smiled weakly and nodded. “I feel good now. Did I made my princess worried?”
She’s smiling as if there’s nothing wrong; as if everything is fine; as if she’s not in pain.
“Why... Why did you not tell me?” My throat hurts from stopping my tears to fall.
“You didn’t tell me you have leukemia.” There my tears started streaming down my cheeks.
The doctor said that my mother has CLL stage IV leukemia which is barely curable.
“I’m sorry for hiding this to you. I don’t want to make you worried.” She cupped my cheek and wiped my tears with her thumb and that made me cry more.
“You made me more worried. Your condition is already at worst and I just knew about it.” I’m probably still clueless until now if I didn’t went home that time and didn’t saw her collapsed.
“Don’t worry about me. I’m taking my medication secretly but now that you know already, I don’t have to keep it a secret. I don’t want to burden you.” Mothers are selfless.
“You’ve been fighting alone?” Just imagining the image of my mom fighting her cancer alone, while I’m doing nothing breaks my heart.
“Not totally alone because you’re my strength.” I lightly hugged her, afraid that it might hurt her. I cried to her shoulders like what I used to do when I was a kid whenever I think that monsters are going to eat me.
My mom always protects me and yet I can’t even do anything to protect her.
She pulled away from the hug and wiped my tears. “Stop crying, my baby. I’ll be fine. Go to your school now, you’re already late.”
“I don’t wanna leave you. I’m not always on your side so I want to stay with you.” I held her hand tightly as if I’m never going to hold her hands again.
“You’re really stubborn, go to school now. The semester is about to end so you have to attend school.” She chuckled and tucked the strands of my hair behind my ears.
“I’ll go straight here once the classes are done, okay? Wait for me.” I slowly let go of her hands.
“I’ll wait for you. I won’t go anywhere, I promise,” she assured.
She promised that she won’t go anywhere. She promised that she’ll wait for me.
I wished I didn’t leave that day. I wished I stayed with her the whole day.
If only I held her hand more tightly, I won’t be lonely.
- Writer
