Denial
727 Words
What did he say to you?"
(We were finally home.)
Me: "Nothing important." (A lie.)
(I should've known from that first lie I was already addicted. I hadn’t even touched Alex, but I couldn’t explain what had happened. Not even to keith.)
(Alex had violated the sacred grounds of my marriage. He crossed lines — more than once. And I didn’t stop him. I encouraged it.)
(In Alex’s world, maybe it meant nothing. But to me? It meant everything. And I couldn’t say it aloud. Not even to keith.)
(Later, as I sat at my vanity, tying my wavy brown hair into a bun, I caught my own reflection. keith was undressing. I should’ve been thinking of him. But instead, I perked up, remembering the way Alex’s blue-green eyes slid over my profile.)
I felt guilty thinking about about it but I can't lie, his admiration made me feel good.
(When keith and I first started dating, he used to tell me all the time how beautiful he thought I was. And God... I missed that — more than I could even admit to myself.)
(Now, I was wiping away the smoky eyeshadow from my hazel brown eyes, taking the eyeliner and mascara with it. I wasn’t as thin as I wanted to be. Honestly? I was curvier than slim — even with all my hours at the gym, five times a week like clockwork.)
(My hair was thick, wavy, and brown. My breasts? Not nonexistent, but nothing gravity-defying either. I relied on a good push-up bra to keep them interesting. I admired my lips. My eyes, too. But still — the lengths I would’ve gone to just be a couple inches taller? Laughable. Ridiculous. Real.)
keith: "He wants you."
(His words cut through my self-critique like a slap. I blinked, jarred out of my thoughts.)
Me:"kate, I talked to the guy for a minute. It was harmless."
(I shrugged it off, brushing away his suspicion like it was nothing. Just paranoia. Tossed the makeup wipe into the trash like I could toss away the tension too.)
Nick tugged his shirt of his shoulder. "I could see it in his eyes, he wants to f**k you badly kate".
I turned away from his fighting a smile as I undid my shoes and changed out of my clothe. I curled my arms around him in an attempt to comfort him and said,
“keith it doesn't matter what he wants”
It wouldn't have mattered if I wasn't irresistibly attracted to him.
Though I didn't want to sleep with him, at least for the sake of my with keith. Also men like Alex were too caught up with other single women to bother about a married one like me.
Besides keith wasn't bad looking either . He was the school hunk and many girls dream back them in college.
“I love you” I assured keith burying my face in the crook of his neck.
“I love you too”. He said.
“ A woman approached and said her husband wanted to watch her With another woman. She asked if I wanna be that other woman”
keith smiled scooping me up. I curled my legs around his hips. “ what did you say to her.
“I told her that sleeping with a woman was way out of my comfort zone. They told me to let them know if I ever changed my mind. They even invited me to a party”.
“Would you want to go? keith asked.
“ I'm a little curious though”
“You should think about it”. keith said as he rested his hands on my thighs.
“ what'd you think about the club” keith asked as his fingers slid across my chest.
( I hated to tell keith that the club didn't entice me in any way. The only thing that enticed me stood about six feet tall and was covered in tattoos)
"nothing there appeals to me " i said trying to sound honest though i knew i was lying.
" lets go back there again, and jf you're still not interested we wont ever go there again.
I just nodded my head. The only reason i agreed was because of Alex.
I hope i won't delve into this curiosity of mine.
- Writer
