Second Chance

Chapter4 Steve

The day of the visitation is here. How do I handle this? I need to attend for Reese and her family. I knew Joanie.

She and Logan were only a few years older than Reese and I. As I spent time with Reese, I also saw Logan and Joanie. Plus, living in a small town, everyone knows everyone. It feels like at any funeral, at least half the town is there. So I have to go.

Yet I also know it will be hard. I remind myself this isn’t about me. This is about supporting a family that was once as close as my own. I picked out a plain black shirt and slacks for the visitation.

If I go to the funeral tomorrow, I will wear a black suit with a white shirt. I figure I'll see how the visitation goes first; if it's harder for Reese for me to be there, then I'll stay home.

Yet if she wants me there or even just doesn’t mind that I am there, then I will be there for her mom, Linda, and her brother.

I drive to the funeral home. It's a sunny late-spring day. Soon the weather will be unbearably hot, but for now, the early May day feels about perfect, at least weather-wise.

I pull up to the funeral home, and I see people standing outside talking and smoking. I bet these are Logan's friends, because I can’t imagine Joanie's friends smoking. She hated the habit. When we were teens, we all snuck cigarettes, but Joanie told Logan she couldn’t stand the smell, and he was the only teen I knew who didn’t smoke. I am sure there were others, but in the group of people I knew, that stood out.

I have to admit it was nice to see how devoted to Joanie, Logan was, and how devoted she was to him. If she asked for anything, he would make it happen; in return, she was always there for him.

I have to admit I thought Reese and I had that, and after we broke up, I was jealous of Logan and Joanie. They had a wonderful relationship. I can’t imagine what he is going through now.

I nod to the people outside as I walk in. I see Reese; she is trying to keep busy. She is greeting people who have come to pay their respects.

I find my way to the back of the room and observe her for a bit. She has the smile that I always knew was fake. If you didn't know her, you would believe she is genuinely smiling, but I do. It is the same smile she used when she was working in fast food. It was a way of pretending.

Yet she has perfected this smile and tone of voice. Outwardly she does not appear like she is grieving deeply at the loss of her sister-in-law. Yet her appearance is fake.

I hear everyone ask her how she is doing. It's as if there is a script that everyone is reading from. I want to ask them if they don’t realize how scripted they sound, all asking the same thing. Yet she is as phony, telling them she is hanging in there, trying to be strong for Logan. Now that part, I am sure, is legit.

I am sure she is doing her best to be strong for Logan. She walks over to greet me after she realizes I am here. “Thank you for coming, Steve. "How are you doing?” She asks me.

“I am not going to lie. I'm not happy we have to be here, and I won’t ask you to lie to me, so I won’t ask you how you're doing. You loved Joanie, and I know you are struggling,” I tell her. I can see the surprise in her eyes at my being honest and not polite.

“This is so much harder than I would have ever imagined it would be.” She answers and gives me her genuine smile.

“I have to say I can’t imagine. I am sure you are trying to be strong for Logan, but remember you don’t have to hold everyone together, and let someone be strong for you.” I wish I could be the one to be strong for her.

“I will keep that in mind, but I have to say it helps to get through this to know I am being of help to my family.” That is like Reese. She never wanted to live here, but the truth of the matter is her family has always come first before anything. Her family even comes before what she wants, because what she wants more than anything else in the world is for her family to be happy.

“I mean it, Reese, if there is anything I can do to help, please let me. "I love your family almost as much as you do.” She nods. I want nothing more than to hug her. I know that would be awkward. I have to admit that this encounter is easier than it was a few days ago when I delivered the casserole to her mom’s house.

“Are you going to be here tomorrow?” She inquired of me.

“I will be honest, I wanted to make sure it was OK with you, but I have already scheduled the day off.” I figured, once again, that honesty is the best way to go.

“Of course, I am OK with you coming. Logan became your friend, especially after I left. To be honest, I was also thinking you could help me with Mom. She loves you, and I was thinking if you joined us for dinner at the church after the funeral, you might do a better job convincing her to eat than Logan, Nathan, and I could.”

She tells me, and I am floored that she wants me to join her for dinner afterward. Her mom’s church typically hosts a meal after a funeral for the family members of a loved one. Typically, only close friends are invited to join the family.

“Of course, anything to help you and your family. So Nathan made it?” I ask.

“Yeah, he arrived last night, and I think he plans to leave either tomorrow night or early the morning after.” She tells me. I am not surprised. Nathan was always in more of a hurry to leave town than Reese was. He doesn’t even come home for the holidays. He loves his family, but not to the degree Reese does. He keeps his distance not from his family but from this town.

“I'd better let you go. I wanted to pay my respects and let your family know I am here for you all. I need to make sure I speak to your brother and mom before I leave,” I tell her. She smiles at me again. How much I have missed her smile.

I walk over to Logan to pay my respects, and then I speak with some of the others who have come to pay theirs. But out of the corner of my eye, I keep watching Reese.

She keeps herself busy. Where there is no one to greet, she arranges and rearranges the flowers. She makes sure Joanie’s parents have something to eat. At one time, she left, and I heard someone say she went to check on the kids and make sure they didn’t need anything to eat.

Typical of Reese, always taking care of everyone else. That is how she handles things. Taking care of things helps her cope. I want to make sure she's okay.