Second Chance

Chapter 7A Reese

Steve thinks I'm referring to the lure of the big city. As I sit around this table, seeing Logan surrounded by people who love him and Joanie, I am starting to see what Steve tried to convince me of years ago.

Sometimes, what connects you to and draws you to a place is the people there. I have no idea what I will do, but I know I can't leave again. My family needs me. I love them so dearly, and I see I love them more than I love the idea of being elsewhere. I still want to visit places like LA and New York, but LA is not a long drive, and New York is a short plane ride away.

I keep thinking of Joanie's parents. They could have quickly taken a plane to see their daughter and grandkids, but they opted for cruises instead, and now they can no longer visit their daughter. I am not judging them for going on cruises because, as we have seen, none of us knows how long we have, but perhaps it's about finding balance. Maybe instead of two cruises, they could have taken one cruise and one trip to Arizona.

That may be a lesson I need to learn. I am unsure of my future, but I can't fathom leaving my family again. I spent four years earning my degree to work in an Art gallery, and now all I want to do is stay in this small town and be close to my family.

I can see if any galleries in Phoenix or Vegas are hiring. Then, I could be close to home, come home on weekends, and spend time with Logan, my mom, and the kids. Sedona also boasts a large art community.

This week, I will focus on my family and then work to determine my future. All I am aware of is that it looks different from what I envisioned a few weeks ago. I decided to graduate and stay in LA or maybe see about moving to New York. I wanted to date again and maybe one day meet someone and have my own family.

Now, watching Logan and his heartache, I am sure I am not strong enough to do that. I could never lose someone. The more people I let in, the more people I have to lose. Losing a sister-in-law is hard enough. I can't fathom how hard it would be to lose a spouse or, like Joanie's parents, to lose a child. No, thank you.

I guess I will stay the fun aunt. I am lucky in that. Logan's kids are great. Nathan may have kids one day as well. I am content with this idea. Now, I need to figure out where I will live and what I will do.

I am satisfied with my decision as I look around the table. Logan is blessed to have a family that loves him, and I am also blessed. Next to me, Jace asks me to color with him as we wait for our dinner to arrive. That is an excellent distraction from the noise and chaos of dinner.

With a large group, there are lots of conversations going on, and the music is playing over the restaurant speakers. So, it's perfect to just focus on Jace.

Every time I visit, I make sure we always do something creative. We color. We make construction paper masterpieces, much to Joanie's dismay. She liked everything to be orderly, and masterpieces can not be created perfectly. So I go take Jace to my mom's house to do our art lessons, we call them.

I must admit I look forward to spending more time doing that with Jace and, soon, with Kylie.

The day of the funeral, to be honest, was a blur. The only thing I remember was we went to Logan's to help him prepare the kids. Jace didn't want to go. I can't say I blame him.

Logan tries to motivate his son. "We have to get ready so we can go say goodbye to Mommy, " he says softly, bent down to look his son in the eye.

"I don't want to say goodbye to Mommy," Jace yells at his father. My heart breaks for Jace and Logan. I bend down to look in Jace's face. His brown eyes stare back into mine when I do. "I understand, baby boy, none of us want to, but I promise you will be glad you said goodbye one day. Your mom loved you so much and will always be with you and Kylie as long as we remember her."

I am not sure if I am saying the right things. I just know that Jace needs to know that his mom will always be a part of his life in some way. I look at Logan and see he is crying. I stand up and hug him. "Come on, boys. I can't stand being late, so let's get ready and then get Kylie ready."

"Thanks, Sis," Logan choked out. I nodded and walked to the next room, where Mom was getting Kylie ready.

The only other thing I remember from the funeral was as we were walking away from the graveside service, I felt like my legs were going out from beneath me. Yet I didn't fall. As soon as I felt unsteady, Steve was there, grabbing me by the arm and giving me the strength I needed. How is it that despite everything, he is still always here when I need him?

"Remember I told you, Reese, while you are trying to be strong for everyone, you have others who can help you? " he says with a soft smile. "When did you last eat?" he asks me.

As he asks me, I realize I haven't eaten since dinner last night. I don't answer, but my face must give me away.

"Well, it looks like I don't need to make sure just your mom eats, but you do as well. If the last time you ate was dinner last night, that is not enough because you hardly ate anything last night."

"Thank you" was all I could muster. I wanted to argue whether I could care for myself or was fine. Yet I couldn't argue. Steve knew me too well, and he knew I was struggling.

Yet he didn't judge. He just said he would make sure I was taken care of. I am so glad we are back to being friends. I need a friend. My best friend Tiffany has called to check on me a few times, but she is not here.

She offered to come, but I told her I would be fine. I should have taken her up on the offer, but she needed to deal with packing and moving her stuff back to her parents' house. Since I left, she agreed to move back home and take an internship with a company owned by a friend of her dad.

I also need to go back soon and pick up my stuff from our apartment. I packed as much as I could, but I still had to leave some things behind. I have almost a month before our lease ends, and I have to have my stuff out. I need to figure out where I am going to take it.

Yet, for now, I can't think about that. I have to think about being here for my family and be grateful I have someone here for me. Sure, other friends from High school have paid their respects and checked in on me, but Steve has been there for me.

We got to the dinner, and I made sure Jace had a plate. One of the ladies from the nursery took care of Kylie for us and assured us not to worry about her. I don't want to think about what my mom and Logan would do without the church's support at this time.