Seijun: A Girl's Bygone Days

We're Not Generals, We're Prom Floozies, Part 2

Tuesday is where things get more hectic.

Fortunately, not in a negative sense.

First off, I wake up so early in the morning because the floodgate of poop inside me is beginning to burst.

After a quick trip to the bathroom (and I always wash my posterior with the bidet provided with the toilet), I go back to sleep, making up for the brief lost minutes of sleep.

Second, I almost forget my reusable water bottle, since today is physical education day.

Last I placed it, it was in a cupboard I can't reach unless I climb the kitchen's counter-top.

But good thing I quickly wash it and then fill it with some isotonic sport drink that comes in a 2-liter bottle.

All while still attending to my usual morning rituals.

And while my morning trudge with Harumi is smooth sailing as always...

The third, last, and possibly worse (or best?) instance of hecticness happens during PE class.

Today, the entire class is being made to play dodgeball.

We all know and remember the rules, since they have been pounded onto our brains since elementary.

But take a bunch of engineering and robotics students who operate their brains more than their brawn, and the entire session is a recipe for disaster.

A delightful disaster.

My class has a handful of pleasantly plump students whose big bellies act as natural impact softeners.

So while the rules of dodgeball mainly consist of, of course, dodging said balls, these literal gut busters use their bellies to launch the balls at unsuspecting players.

Including me.

But then, I fight back.

Using what I've experienced back at the bowling alley last Sunday, I unleash my garland of fury once the time comes for me to toss the ball.

And yup, with matching “I, Gunpei, will knock you all down!”

In the end, the entire dodgeball event can't even be called dodgeball at all.

Instead, it can be called rugby, with its trademark s*******r.

And good doses of laughter.

So while I'm going home with some bruises; the mirthful, euphoric laughter still remains on my face.

Which, of course, has Harumi concerned for my apparent loss of sanity.

“Gunpei, you look like a soldier fresh from a war, but without the... no, I mean... the complete opposite of PTSD!”

“Why are you so concerned about that, Harumi? It's just dodgeball.”

“Dodgeball... But with injuries like THESE?! Were you having a bad day... no. Were you having too much of a good thing?!”

“Come on, it's just a good clean sport! We can spend our time walking home, bickering over sports injuries while we have some more important business to attend to! Like... the storytelling power hour!”

“OK. But first, admit that you're in need of treatment. And don't ever scream like a little girl when I treat your wounds.”

“Alright, whatever. Anything for our upcoming session to proceed smoothly without them injuries getting in the way.”

“Then it's settled.”

5:45 pm. We're back home.

“GGGGYYYYYAAAARRRGHHHH!!!”

And indeed, I scream like a little girl once Harumi treats my wounds with her first-aid kit.

“You're pretending to be tough, but seeing you scream like that... makes me wonder how Noemi fell in love with someone like you.”

“Oh, come on! I never sustained these injuries before, so she would never know of them.”

“Ah, ah, ah! I'm Noemi's reincarnation, remember? Once I know of something about you, she will, too.”

“Come on... it's... it's not like those perceptions can be easily transferred from one brain to another like the way a file can be easily transferred from hard drive to hard drive!”

“Hey, take it easy now. You know you have part 2 of your prom story waiting.”

“Oh... OK.”

Finally, I calm down once she finishes treating the bruises and seals them with bandages.

5:55 pm.

“Thanks for tending to my injuries, Harumi. Now then... shall we resume the story?”

“Yes, of course!”

***

The next day marked the start of the “harem indoctrination” plan.

As originally plotted out, the homeroom adviser of Grade 11-C, Mr. Hirano, gave us a series of special after-school lectures about harems.

Since he is eloquent in the English language (considering that it's a requirement for his job), he was afforded wide access to research materials about the very concept of harems.

And thus, we the boys of Grade 11-C – consisting of Nariyoshi Morita, Atsuto Maeno, Mitsuto Watanabe, Katsuya Endo, Daisuke Naganawa, Shichiro Hoashi, Kei Fukunaga, Yuji Sakaguchi, Benkei Tsujimoto, and yours truly, Gunpei Imahara – learned that there is so much more to harems beyond what is portrayed in anime and collective Japanese pop culture.

In fact, the word “harem” originally refers to specialized spaces exclusively for women in Muslim households. This is an allusion to Islamic traditions allowing for a man to have multiple wives legally. In fact, having a sizable amount of women in the household was considered one of the symbols of prestige in the Arab world.

And thus, the very concept of having multiple women fall for a single man was imbued into Japanese pop culture, along with the word itself.

With the special lectures complete, it was then time for us to watch the first episodes of select harem anime.

We even convinced the AV club to let us use their facilities for the marathons.

Mr. Hirano then encouraged us to pick the harem series we all want to watch.

His special lectures also stated that the harem genre first took root in the late eighties and the early nineties, just as fans wanted to have their tastes diversified from non-stop action that even spans multiple episodes to beautiful girls comprising a majority of the cast.

And thus, we were afforded a wide variety of these series, starting from the early nineties to the decade that just begun.

One particular harem series is about a penny-pinching honor student who is tasked to tutor five lovely quintuplets, whose common denominators are their shapely bodies and their abysmally awful grades.

Typically, harem series have so much male-oriented fanservice such as panty shots, breast jiggling, or some juvenile humor.

Good thing this one is a breath of fresh air, as it is light on the fanservice and is heavy on character development, making every character relatable.

Even the normally dense male protagonist.

After we have watched the entire first episode...

The rich guy, Yuji Sakaguchi, offered us to watch the English-dubbed version of the anime.

He explained that as a devoted fan of the series, he not just owns the Japanese domestic Blu-ray edition, but also owns the American Blu-ray release, complete with said dub, by importing it.

And so, we dedicated 30 minutes to watching the English-dubbed first episode.

In the context of the spoken English language, with inflections and all, the performances by the dub voice actors are great. They can be on par with the Japanese one, I may add.

While we boys are watching harem anime made for men...

Mr. Hirano pulled off double-duty and introduced the girls of Grade 11-C to reverse harem anime.

That is, one girl surrounded by many good-looking guys.

He also gave them lightning lessons on how harems started, and how some creators basically flipped things around due to the fact that there was a rising number of female fans who prefer cute boys.

Whenever we were done with using the AV club's facilities, it was the girls' turn to use them.

As the days progressed, the “harem indoctrination” plan was gaining steam – all the girls who originally planned to skip the prom even considered going after being given hope by our adviser.

We were delighted when Mr. Hirano gave us the good news.

But still, even with out best-laid plans, we should all prepare for the worst.

And thus, I called another lightning meeting at the school's cafeteria two days before the prom.

Benkei started the meeting with a question.

“What if the girls started to act all negative and stuff even when they come into our arms for the dance?”

I came up with an answer on the fly.

“Please encourage them to accept us. Mind you, they might have some underlying issues. I'm no psychologist, and you all know that; but that doesn't mean you shouldn't understand what's bothering them – and start the talk from there. Never sugarcoat the entire talk; acknowledge that they might have some problems with themselves – and sometimes yourselves. Determine the problems, and come up with solutions for them. It may be easier said than done, but who said history's conflicts ended with people just throwing away their weapons and escaping into the middle of nowhere?”

Shichiro followed up with his own.

“And that's our problem. One of the girls, Touka Igarashi, is known to be a tough cookie to c***k. Yes, she may be an honor student, but her abrasive attitude towards potential suitors always gets in our nerves! I admit... I tried to ask her out 11 times, but she dumped me every single time. And she literally dumped my face into the trashcan, too!”

Everyone else, me included, was surprised by his confession.

“Maybe... you should arrange a special visit to the guidance counselor ASAP. And maybe, he might help you hire a private investigator to determine the reason for her abrasiveness, and how to pragmatically combat that nastiness.”

“Thanks, Gunpei.”

“Any more questions?”

I sensed silence.

“If indeed there aren't any, then let's look forward to the prom!”

We all formed a circle, and then gathered our hands together before raising them up in a high-five.

“TO VICTORY!”

***

“And the results of the boys' efforts will be saved for tomorrow's session.”

“Aw... maybe you're just padding the entire story because you're somewhat running out of stories to tell yourself.”

“No, no, no. It's just that... I really had fond memories of the prom, and thus I had to narrate the entire event down to the last detail.”

“Alright, if that's what you insist. Well then... I'll look forward to the finale tomorrow! See ya.”

“Yeah, see you again, too.”