I love you. Forever.

Chapter 9: Walking along the beach

Warning: Possible triggers for self harm. Account of physical abuse. I do not condone self harm or abuse of any kind. 

3rd person POV

“Rebecca!!” Ben yelled at the top of his lungs as he watches helplessly as Becs scoops up a small toddler in her arms while dodging a moving car and launching herself onto the side walk tucking and rolling while cradling the little one in her arms protecting him with her body. Ben and the little boy’s mother sprinted to the fallen duo was Becs laid there on her back, breathless, holding the child close to her chest. She slowly sat up and started checking the boy over for any injury never worrying about herself.

“Its okay sweet boy. I have you. You’re okay.” Becs calmly cooed at the little boy in her arms as she kissed his head.

Ben quickly fell to his knees looking over Becs. The twisted look on his face was a mix of anger and complete worry. “He is ok? Are you ok? Oh my God, my baby, you saved my baby. Thank you Thank you!” The mother cried hysterically as she kneels down. “He’s okay ma’am. Only a scratch on his leg. Think he is just scared.” Becs replied still trying to catch her breath.

“What about you, you are shaking!” She cried watching Ben looking over Becs body for any signs of injury. “It’s the adrenaline.” He said sternly, completely concentrating on Rebecca. “I am fine. I’m a lot tougher than I look.” Becs said confidently. “Double check your little one.” She added thoughtfully.

She looked at Ben, “Well I’ll be sore in the morning.” She softly chuckled trying to ease the tension. “That’s not funny Becs.” He glared before softening his eyes and wrapping his arms around her as he hides his face in her hair trying to calm himself down. “What the hell happened? You’re out of my sight for 5 minutes and you’re playing in f*****g traffic, Rebecca!” He sighed heavily. “s**t”

“I know I know. I was over at the cart getting a soft pretzel across the way when I saw the little one take off in to traffic. The mom was fumbling with her bags as he tore from her grip and went running like a bat of out hell. The boy was on a collision course with that car and I had to do something. I’m okay Ben. Really. I’ve had worse falls playing volleyball.” She explained trying ease his worry.

“What am I going to do with you?” Ben whispers. “Love me forever and ever.” Becs cooed trying to get him to lighten up. All he did was grunt. His face still hidden but his embrace tightened around her body. She turned her torso so she could hug him back. “Look at me Ben.” She demanded. He met her gaze. “Let’s go to the beach.” She whispered before kissing him.

“I called the ambulance, you should get checked out.” The mother came back over and cried. “No, really. I am okay. Nothing is broken. My boyfriend here will take care of me. If I need anything, he’ll be the first to get me to the hospital.” Becs smiled up at her. “Unless he decides to take me there now. He’s currently trying to figure out what to do with me.” Becs joked again. Ben looked up raising his brow at her. “Well, as long as you’re being looked after. Thank you again. You’re my hero.” The mom said emotionally as Ben helped Becs to her feet so the mom could hug her before parting ways with her child. Ben held her steady. “You sure nothing hurts baby?” He asked with concern written all over his face. “I’m good. If I start hurting, you will be the first to know handsome.” She smiled up at him. He ran his fingers through her hair before pulling her into his chest in a warm hug. He whispered in her ear, “See baby, you are worthy. You are the most selfless person I know. And I do love you forever and ever.”

…

Becs POV

The walk to the beach was uneventful thankfully. Ben doted on me the whole time. I really scared him. Hell, I really scared myself. I just so thankful the little boy is okay and that I’m okay. Though, I am expecting lots of soreness tomorrow. I hit the ground a lot harder than I let on. Pretty sure I bruised some ribs. And damn my tailbone hurts like the dickens! But nothing a little Advil and rest won’t fix. Again had worse falls than this. Anyways, I need to tell Ben the rest of my story. I need to get my hurts and experiences off my chest. I trust him. It’s time for me to help go of what’s holding me back from completely embracing joy in my life. That’s what my daddy would have wanted. Time to make changes.

“Benny, let’s sit down for a little while. I want to tell you more of my story.” I said tugging at his arm to stop walking. “Of course baby doll, but only if you’re ready. There’s no pressure at all.” He said cupping my face with his hand before kissing my forehead. “I’m ready Ben. I’m tired of this burden I carry with me every day.” I reassured him. He guided me down to the sand before sitting behind me wrapping his arms around me as I leaned against his chest between his legs. We both looked out at the gentle waves in the ocean for a few quiet moments as I gathered my thoughts.

“As I said before, I did not talk for 6 months. Even when I went back to school, I refused to speak. I did my assignments and paid attention in school but that was it. I sat alone during lunch and recess. A few weeks into the this time of my life; a boy started sitting with me during lunch and recess. He even came over for play dates knowing I wouldn’t be much company. But he never minded. He’d tell me about himself and share his snacks with me. Never expecting anything in return. At the end of each day, he would find me and tell me that everything will be okay and he would give me a hug. He did this for the duration of the 6 months before I found my voice again.” I explained. “The boy was Matt, wasn’t it?” Ben asked thoughtfully. I turned and looked at him with a gentle smile. “Yes, Matt was the boy. He was patient and kind with the most gentle soul. You know, he would read to me too. He would choose books that he thought I would like. Books about princesses or unicorns. Any book a typical little 10 year old girl would like. He would even hold my hand when he would see me getting emotional. I used to cry at a drop of a hat. It would come out of nowhere. Then one day, we were sitting on the swings in my back yard as my mom gardened. He was reading Charlotte’s Web to me. I just reached over and touched his arm. He looked up at me with his kind smile and I finally found my voice…You’re a good friend Matt. My best friend…his kind smile turned into a huge cheerful grin. He said that I was his best friend too. My mom came over crying hugging us both. She always thanked Matt for sticking with me. We’ve been close ever since.” I smiled fondly thinking back on this memory. I didn’t realize a tear escaped my eye until Ben wiped it away with his thumb. “Matt is a truly wonderful person.” Ben whispered. “Is that why you’re so protective of him?” He asked. “Yes and no. I never had to be protective until…” I trailed off. “I’m sorry Ben, it’s not my place to tell.” I added softly. “It’s ok Becs.” He whispered into my ear before kissing my neck before resting his head against my own.

“Was Tim and Zach around during this time.” He asked changing the subject. “No, not yet. They came into our lives 2 years later. That’s right around the time I started cutting myself.” I said as I gently rubbed my arms. “Becs, you don’t have to go there.” Ben said softly. “It’s okay Ben, I need to. You need to know my past. Tim was actually alright when he began dating my mom. They even included both Zach and I on a few dates. But Zach was always annoying. The kid doesn’t have a nice bone in his body. Tim would buy me little presents occasionally, a teddy bear or a Barbie doll. I missed my daddy so much that I was I okay if Tim became my new dad. I knew he would never replace daddy and I also knew that my daddy would want me to have a kind father figure in his absence. So I allowed myself to love Tim and even Zach. Annoying siblings were a part of the family experience, right? I was so excited when they got married I even got to be in the wedding. My mom had found a dress that almost matched her wedding gown. I felt like a princess, but that would only be short lived. As soon as the moved in with us, everything changed except my mom. She still tended to all of us, spreading her love and care. Zach became even more annoying until he would just ignore me like I never existed for a few days and then go back to torturing me. I just figured that was what it was like having a older brother. I took it in stride. But Tim, he did a complete 180 on me. One day he is acting like a loving father to me and the next; I ceased to exist. It’s been like that until..well.. last night. He never once took any interest in me. He never came to a volleyball game or any parent teacher conferences. He never took me anywhere anymore. I would try to spend time with him and he would just shoo me away or act like I was never there. What hurt the most was when the annual father daughter dance came around. It’s a community fundraising for the local children’s hospital. I attended it every year since I was born with my daddy, except those 2 years I was fatherless. I was a very happy little girl when it came around again and I had a dad to take me. I brought home a flyer from school and showed it to him. Oh how I wished I would have waited until my mom got home. He grabbed the flyer off of me, tore it up, through the pieces in my face and told me I was nothing to him. I tried to fight the tears but he broke my already shattered heart. Instead of walking away he taunted me. He even allowed Zach to join in until I couldn’t help but unleash the tears. My crying was annoying apparently so Tim took it upon himself to slap me across my face and..” Becs said but was interrupted. “That f*****g bastard hit you?” Ben hissed through gritted teeth. “Ben please calm down, I can’t handle if you get angry right now.” I whispered cupping his face. “I’m sorry baby, I will. I promise.” His face immediately softened and he pulled me against his chest so my head was resting on him. I felt him resting his chin on top of my head. I know he didn’t want me to see his expression so I continued. “And he grabbed my arm dragging me up to my room and locked me inside to cry it out as he called it. But he didn’t realize was that he left me bruised for my mom to see. Half my little face turned back and blue as well as where he grabbed my arm. And all I wanted was to go to the f*****g dance with him. A simple no would have worked. But he denied me and then hurt me. Allowing his asshole of a son to watch for entertainment.” I felt Ben hide his face in my hair and tighten his arms around me even more; this is hard for him to hear. “I hid in my closet until mom got home. I was terrified of him. Of course, he got to my mom before I did. He came up with this story that some kid on the playground hit me and I came running home on my own. He made sure he was with my mom when she came and checked on me. He gave a threatening look so I wouldn’t tell mom. I wished I was strong enough to just tell her the truth. But she was happy. I didn’t have the heart to hurt her. She loves Tim. So I blamed myself. It was my fault. I had no right to ask him. He wasn’t my dad and had no interest in being my dad. I didn’t deserve a dad. I had found a razor blade in our basement when mom asked me to help her get Christmas decoration out. She was using it to open taped up boxes. I put it in my pocket when she wasn’t looking. An idea formed in my head. I couldn’t control the emotional pain I was in but maybe I could control other types of pain. This is when I found that cutting myself felt good. It gave me control. It buried all my memories deep down. Having a doctor in the house, there was always first aid supplies. I would sneak into his office when he wasn’t home and take a few bandages and alcohol packets. Never too many that he would notice. Every time I felt like I needed that release I would run into the woods that were in our back yard and find a big tree to sit against. No one was ever around. It was my sanctuary. Still is, if I’m being completely honest. From then on I made sure to hide my arms. Even in the summer. I used to love to swim but not anymore. I would where loose long sleeved shirts in the summer or change me style to hide my arms. If I had to wear a short sleeved shirt or tank top, I would match them with a pair of long stylist lace gloves. Being captain of the volleyball team, I could easily wear the a long sleeved under armor shirt sine captains are to stand out anyways. I was never questioned. No one ever knew for years until Benjamin Wilder showed up.” I explained looking up at him with a small smile.

His facial expression was soft and sad. He had dried tear streaks down his face. “I’m going to help you Becs. I am thankful I found out. None of that was your fault. That bastard will burn in hell one day. But I need to know, he doesn’t still hit you does he?” He looked concerned with anger building up in his eyes. I swear his baby blue turned a shade darker. “No Ben, He hasn’t laid a finger on me since then. Again, he hasn’t even acknowledged me until last night. It took me a little while to realize it was none of my fault. That Tim was just a asshole who made my mom happy somehow. But by the time I realized all of that, I was addicted to cutting myself.”

“You are feeling the urge right now?” Ben asked gently. “A little one, Ben. But talking to you is helping right now. You holding me like this is helping too. My life has been turned upside down since I was 10 years old. Benny, you are slowly and gently turning it right side up again. Even you presence is healing.” I turn my body so I’m kneeling facing him. I kiss his cheeks where the remnants of tears were. Before pressing m forehead against his. Running my fingers through his disheveled hair. “I know that was hard to hear. I haven’t felt protected since daddy died. But I feel protected every single moment I’m with you…even when I play in traffic.” I said softly with a slight giggle. Even Ben gave me a tiny chuckle with his eyes closed. “I’m so glad you feel that way baby doll. Thank you for trusting me enough to tell your burdens. I promise to do everything in my power to make you whole again. Make you happy. And yes it was hard to hear about your pain. But I want you to always tell me baby. You will never have to face that pain alone again. You come to me always Rebecca Sampson. Okay?” He stated passionately. “Always, Ben Wilder.” I replied in a whisper against his lips.

“Becs, I want to give you something.” He whispered back, our lips just barely brushing against each other. We both pull away just a little bit. “The Jeweler was able to engrave your ring on the spot. May I have your left hand?” He said smiling his Ben Wilder classic. I smile back placing my hand in his. “Rebecca Everly Sampson, this promise ring will remind you of my unabashed love for you. It will remind you that you are my precious gem worthy of healing and being whole. Will you do me the honor of wearing this ring that represents our love and my promise to be the best man for you that will cherish and nurture your heart forever until I replace it with another ring when the time is right? Because I love you Becs. Forever.” His voice was soft as velvet. His eye were so full of love. His handsome face so relaxed. “I will Benjamin Rylie Wilder. I would be proud to wear your ring. I promise to honor you, to cherish and nurture your beautiful heart too. Always. Just as you protect me, I will have your back. You are the best man that has stolen my heart the moment I saw you. You are my angel. My handsome angel. I love you Benny. Forever” I vowed softly with a bright smile. His face lit up with his classic smile as he slid the ring on my finger. I look at in awe and notice the engraving right away. “Benny and Becs. Forever.” “I love you, baby.” I said throwing my arms around his neck and kissing his face all over making him laugh. “I love you too sweetheart.” he said right back. My lips finally found his as he pulled us down to the sand. He kept me on top of him as we made out. Our kisses were long and passionate. Soft and gentle.