I love you. Forever.

Chapter 15: Battle For Inner Strength Part 1

"Trigger warning for self harm and emotional/physical abuse. 

Becs’ POV

As much as I wanted to stay with Ben for the rest of the day I had to get home. Mom called and asked me to come home and help her clean the house before Tim comes back from his trip. That and she wanted a girls movie night with her daughter. We make sure to spend a night watching rom coms and eating junk together about once a month. Just me and mom. I love these times with her. Wish we could do it more often but Tim takes mom to many weekend getaways so I take what I can get when spending time with just her.

“Hey mom, I’m home.” I call out as I enter the house. “In the kitchen sweetie.” Mom yelled back to me. I skipped into the kitchen in a good mood. “How’s that handsome boyfriend of yours?” She asked grinning. “He’s perfect in every way.” I say in a sing song voice. “I feel like I’ve known him forever. It’s crazy how we just mesh together. His parents are wonderful too. They really welcomed me into their family.” I added. “I am so happy for your my girl. Ben brings out the joy that you have been missing. You two look at each other the way me and your daddy use too. I agree, his parents are truly wonderful people. You don’t know how happy it makes me seeing you happy honey. You’re daddy would’ve loved Ben too. I found a good one.” She said teary eyed. I walked up to her and gave her a bear hug. “I think daddy would’ve loved him too. I am very happy mom. I think Ben is it for me. I know we’re still young but I really can’t see myself loving anyone else the way I love him. We were made for each other.” I said cheerfully. “I think you’re right sweet girl.” Mom responded happily.

“How about your clean the upstairs and I will clean down here. Then we can pick out movies and goodies for this evening. Sound good?” Mom said. “Perfect! I’ll get started right away.” I said running up the steps.

It only to us about an hour or so to tidy up the place and get laundry going. We decided on Sweet Home Alabama and How To Lose A Guy In 10 Days. We ordered Chinese and snacked on chips and big bowls of ice cream when I decided to tease Benny a bit by taking a picture of all our unhealthy goodies.

Becs: Picture attached. Will you still love me if I get fat? This food is too good! Mom and I are pigging our hardcore right now. :P

HandsomeBoy: Baby doll, I will always love you whether you’re skin and bone or fat. Hell, even though I’m obsessed with your hair, I’d love you if you were bald. You’re the most gorgeous girl in the world!!!! I’m glad you’re having fun with your mom. :D

Becs: Aww, see I knew your were perfect. I will always love you too no matter what! Have a good night Benny. Love you lots.

HandsomeBoy: I will babe. You’re too cute sometimes, you know that? Love you lots too.

I know, I know. We are cheesy, but I don’t care. Its fun being lovey dovey and cheesy when you are with the right person.

Mom and I laughed so hard watching the movies and joking around. It has been a great night with her! It was getting late after the 2nd movie was over so we decided to head to bed. I bought myself a long body pillow for my bed when Ben isn’t around. I never sleep well when he’s not beside me or actually on me for that matter. The pillow isn’t the same but it helps a little. I hope tomorrow is a good day when Tim being back. It’s been nice with him away, hope he doesn’t ruin it with his presence.

…

We got up the next day and went to our church service. Ben and his parents were there too. We all sat together, at least  until mom got a call during the service. Tim was home already and demanded we come home asap for a family meeting. Great. What’s his deal now. Every once in a while he calls a family meeting to assert his dominance over the household. It’s never too bad, just complaining if the house isn’t up to his standards of cleanliness or if laundry isn’t completely done. He always wants the one shirt to wear when he knows its in the wash. Never fails. I sneak a chaste kiss from Ben before mom, Zach and I sneak out of the sanctuary. Ben gives me a questioning look but I whispered that I’ll call him later.

We all walk in the door and see Tim sitting at the kitchen table as high and mighty with a disgusted look on his face. What’s his problem now?

“Zach and Lily, you can do what you want. Rebecca needs to sit.” Tim demanded. “Tim, I would rather be here too. She is my daughter.” Lily stated sternly. What the f**k is his deal?? “Lily.” Tim said angrily. f*****g asshole. I spoke up to diffuse the situation. “It’s okay mom. Go relax.” I said calmly as I sat across from Tim looking at him directly in his soulless eyes. As soon as mom and Zach left the kitchen the show began.

“You are forbidden to see that boy.” He started angrily but I interrupted before he could continue. “What the hell, Tim. Why? He has done nothing?” I said with confusion. “That son of a b***h disrespected me in my household and I will not have it. You’re mother told me to take a week a calm down but I’ve only gotten angrier.” He raised his voice at me. Oh hell no, not this time fucker. “Don’t you ever refer to his mother that way. Mrs. Wilder is not a b***h. Ben was not disrespectful. You were being cruel towards me for no reason at all. This is a f*****g joke Tim.” I said raising my voice to match his. “Adjust your attitude Rebecca. My word is final. That boy will not f*****g come inside this damn house.” He said thru gritted teeth. “f**k you, Tim. As you continue to remind me, you are not my father. And I will see Ben no matter what the f**k you say. You taunted him. You brought it on yourself.” I shouted in his face. SLAP! That bastard just back handed me. “I told you to adjust your attitude. You will not speak to me that way ever again. I am not your father. You father is long dead. Time for you to get over it. You are living under my roof your little worthless b***h. I knew I should’ve sent you away when I married your mother. You have been nothing but trouble. Your poor mother has put up with your trouble at school for long enough and now you are creating trouble in my house.” He screamed in my face as I licked the blood on the corner of my busted lip. I was fuming. That b***h hurt like a fucker. I stood there glaring at him only inches away from his disgusting face. Just as I was about to respond my  mom came running in. “How dare you strike my daughter!” She cried when she saw my face. “What happened here?” She demanded. “Apparently mom, I’m a worthless b***h who causes trouble. Ben is no longer welcomed in this house either. Oh yea, I almost forgot, I need to remember I have no father as well.” I spit out. “Liar. You’re daughter is a liar, Lily. She’s making a mountain out of a mole hill. I told you to adjust your attitude towards me in this household. You are twisting my words, Rebecca. You need structure and to learn some damn respect for your step father.” Tim said sternly. “I’m the liar? Really? You have to be f*****g kidding me.” I shout in his face. “Rebecca, Tim enough.” Mom yells over our squabbling. “My turn to talk. Tim, you don’t ever hit my daughter. I don’t care what she did. She does not got hit. If she needs punished for something, you come to me. I was hoping you calmed down from last week. Ben will remain welcomed in this household. He is good for Rebecca. And Tim you are hardly around anyways with your work schedule so that shouldn’t be a problem. I know emotions are high right now so I’m not going to touch the father topic other than that Rebecca you need to respect your step father. You both need to watch your language. I don’t like hearing curse words in this house from anyone.” Mom stopped to take a breather. “Lily, Rebecca is causing too many problems. She needs structure and needs to stop acting a worthless piece of s**t causing unnecessary drama in our family’s lives.” He hissed out taking my mom by surprise. This is too much. I need to get out of here. I ran out of the house grabbing my handbag running into the woods. I hear them screaming at each other I can’t take it anymore. “Worthless piece of s**t causing unnecessary drama in our family’s lives” keeps replaying in my mind. I do everything to coexist peacefully with them. He doesn’t even include me in the family. Why does the word worthless always get to me.

Ben’s POV

I decided to head over to Becs’ house after church. They left abruptly and I to make sure they are alright. I just turn on the her street when I see her sprinting into the woods and disappearing among the trees. What the hell? I pull right over and hop off calling out to her but I don’t think she heard me. Something is wrong, I can feel it. I run in the direction she went and search for her. Where is she? I suddenly hear a sob and turn my head to see her dig into her arm with a razorblade. My heart hurts.

“Rebecca, please stop.” I plead kneeling down in front of her and taking her arm in my hands. She cut herself deeply. “Just let me cut one more, Ben. Please. I need this.” She cries. “Baby, stop. You got yourself deep this time. Please stop. Please Becs. Hand me the razor. I have you now.” I say softly trying to calm her down. I wrap her arm with a bandanna I had in my pocket. She cries and hands me the razor. I look up at her face for the first time and my froze in place for a moment. “Who the f**k hit you?” I say angrily seeing her bruise jaw and swollen lip that had dried blood still smeared across it. I gently took chin with my fingers and closely examined where she was hit. “That bastard did, didn’t he?” My blood was boiling but I took her in my arms cradling her against my chest. All she did was cry, unable to speak. I was too angry to talk myself. All I could do was hold her tight. I’m going to f*****g hurt that bastard. I notice her still bleeding through the wrap on her arm. “Fuck.” I say under my breath. I stand up cradling her and take her to my car. I set her in the front seat. “Becs, I need you to hold your hand over the wound and put pressure on it, okay? I’ll take care of it at home.” She nodded through the tears. I could punch a wall right now. I hate seeing her like this. She was doing so well. That fucker, Tim, just had to come back. Her phones rings. I grab her purse and take it out seeing its her mom. “Hi Mrs. Wright. I have Rebecca with me. I am taking her to my house.” I say. She asked if she was okay. “No, she’s not. She’s hurt and crying uncontrollably. I am taking her to calm down and to get her cleaned up.” I said angrily. I know I should speak more calmly to her mom but I’m too upset to care right now. She thanked me and asked me to call her back when Rebecca is calm. She didn’t go into detail and I didn’t ask. Becs will tell me when she’s ready. I hang up and toss the phone aside. I reach out a run my hand gently down her hair. “I got you Becs.” I say softly. Why the hell do people insist on making her life miserable. Damn it, I want to take her away from here. I pull in into our drive way and help her out of the car. I pull her close to me as we walk into the house. She’s still crying.

“Dad, I need your help.” I call out as we walk through the door. Both my parents meet us in the foyer after hearing her cry. “Oh my God! What happened? Is she okay?” My mom asks as my dad takes her arm to see blood everywhere. “No she’s not okay. That f*****g bastard hit her and she cut herself deep.” I hissed through my teeth. My mom starts sobbing moving Becs’ hair away from her face to see her busted lip and wipe her tears away. “Come one son, bring her to the kitchen. I’ll get the first kit. I should be able to butterfly stitch her cut. Its deep but not too bad. Ointment and keeping it clean should be enough.” Dad said calmly.  

I walk her to the kitchen and set her down on a chair. I bring another chair to sit beside her keeping her in my embrace. She is completely in her own little dark world right now. I don’t even think she knows where she’s at or whose she’s with. I could kill that fucker. It kills me seeing her like this.

“Okay, Rebecca my dear. I’m going to unwrap your arms and get your fixed up as good as new.” My dad smiles at her. Knowing she can’t respond right now, he still talks her through what he’s doing. I watch his technique on how to do butterfly stitches in case I ever have to do it. Mom comes over and hands me a dampened washcloth to clean her face along with a ice pack to help with her swollen lips. I kiss her head before lifting her chin towards me. I slowing dab her face to clean the blood away without hurting her further. Dad just got done and rewrapped her arm gently as I lightly pressed the ice pack against her lips and jaw. Her tears are unending. We both stood up and I led her upstairs to my room. She sat on the bed as I pulled her shoes off. She still had her dress clothes on from church. She’ still in a trance like state. “Becs I’m going to put more comfortable clothes on you.” I say as I kneel down in front of her. She didn’t respond. How can I get her to snap out of it. My girl is hurting and all I can do is watch her cry. I take her clothes off being extra careful not to hurt her arm or her face. I pull over one of my long t-shirts that would keep her covered as I got her dress pants off. I help her scoot up on the bed and under the covers. I placed the ice pack on her lips and lift her hand to hold it there. I kissed her head again. “You’re safe here my love. I’ll be right back.” I whispered. I head downstairs for a minute to call her mom again. “How’s she doing?” My dad asks. “I don’t know. She is still in her own head. I want to jump out of my skin. I am so angry right now.” I admitted. “Its taking everything in me to remain calm around her. How can anyone hit her? She doesn’t deserve any of this s**t!” I say angrily pounding the kitchen counter. “I have to call her mom with a update. I don’t even know what happened exactly.” I sigh heavily running my hands through my hair. “I’ll call Lily, son. You just stay with Rebecca. She needs to let her emotions to run its course. We’ll check on you two in a bit.” Dad said placing his hand on my shoulder to comfort me. “I’m proud of you son. Rebecca will get through this with you by her side showing her how she is supposed to be treated and loved. Mom went out to buy groceries for dinner and some pain medication for Rebecca.” My dad hugged me. “Thank you dad. For everything.” I say before I head back upstairs. Becs was still crying but not as hard thankfully. I strip to my boxers before putting a t-shirt and basketball shorts on. I crawled into bed and wrapped my body around her as she remained unmoving. I hid my face in her hair taking in her scent to help calm me down because the fiery monster inside of me is itching to come out. Her poor body is trembling and exhausted as her crying turns into occasional sobs. After a few more minutes I feel her move. She set the ice pack aside and rolled to face me and tucked her head into my chest never saying a word. I kiss the top of head and whisper, “Go to sleep gorgeous. I’ll be right here when you wake up. I love you.” With that, I felt her body finally relax and her breathing became shallow telling me she’s asleep.

I’m still to hyped up to try to nap. I close my eyes  and all I see is her being hit by that poor excuse of a man. I don’t know why her mom is still married to that bastard. I just don’t get it. I want Becs to stay here but I know she won’t leave her mom. I decide to turn the tv on low to take busy my mind because staring at the ceiling isn’t helping either.