Dancing In The Dream

The Beginning

The luscious green maple trees blew elegantly and swiftly in the quickening wind, starting so softly and gracefully, becoming more violent as the wind blew stronger. Sky so blue a few moments earlier giving way to a blanket of royal purple and ashen grey as the storm clouds formed overhead. Only a few specks of blue managing to seep through. The grass beneath my feet, so soft and fluffy now being manipulated and contorted with the gushes of wind stewing through the field. Rain began to fall, soaking the field soon after the drum of thunder began to play, an almost deafening sound as it merged as one with the gurgle of the roaring river only metres ahead, swirling and gushing, dragging whatever lay on top deep beneath in an angry rage.

I looked up to my little sister only metres away from me, clutching my body with shaky hands as water splintered over me, chills running from my head to my toes, causing shivers to spark all over.

 “I think we should go home,” I managed through chattering teeth.

Taking a few minutes as though she was considering my plea, “No this is perfect,” She whispered in what sounded like a pained sob.

She didn’t even seem to notice the chilly wind as it swirled around us, feeling as though being whipped continuously. She continued staring, not moving, not attempting to warm herself as I was doing. She seemed as though she was in deep thought.

“Mums going to get worried, we should go home Lilly,” I pleaded once more. Feeling as though it was going to fall on death ears. I began slowly walking towards her, my sandals filling with mud and grass, the wind picking up even more. I didn’t get far as she turned towards me. Her blonde curly hair whipping in the wind so un-tamed and so natural. Her eyes a deep blue, surrounded by full black lashes, caving as the water settled and she slowly blinked the droplets away. Something was wrong, I could tell by the glossiness of her eyes, and all though it was cold, her cheeks were un-naturally pink.

“Lilly are you okay?” I reached for her face, but she stumbled backwards as if my fingertips were laced with poison, letting a saddened smile appear across her face. “I’m fine Alex.” She took a deep breath in and exhaled slowly, “Just give me a minute, I’ll catch up with you.” She smiled that same sad smile once again.

I hesitantly retreated, feeling her sadness wash over me. What’s gotten into her? I pondered. The now wet grass gave way beneath my feet, as I almost glided across, moving further and further away from my young doleful sister, as I did, a feeling of uncertainty, almost potent washed over me, something screamed in my head not to leave, begged even, but as if I was not in control of my body, I continued moving forward. Chills ran up my spine, and its origin was not from the bitter rain that stung with every droplet.

Breaking through the rumbling of the angry river and thunder alike, a blood curdling scream ruptured, my ears tingling with the vibrations it carried. I turned, stiff as the scene carried out before me, my eyes locked yet, my body would not move as my mind willed it to. A tall cloaked figure, hood sheltering his face stood before Lilly, her face a picture of horror, her lips turning blue. The figures face, so close to hers, as his lips moved, he whispered a single word “Mortem.”

As the venomous word spread from his mouth, I screamed in horror begging my body to move, begging my legs to take a step forward, but I could not as if I was concreted in place. Lilly began to stumble back, eyes as wide as a full moon, and as grey as the thunder clouds, her skin turning pale, all colour washed from her once pink cheeks. I watched in slow motion as she began to fall, and I only as the ground began to crumble under her feet, I was able to move once again, my legs carried me as I tripped, struggling to maintain my balance as I ran for her. Lilly’s hair swept across her face and her arms waved violently in the air as she began to fall. I reached out so close, my hands glided across her finger tips. Tears falling down her face, her lips quivering as she looked up at me, a silent beg for help. “LILLY!” I screamed, every bit of breath my lungs could hold erupting from my chest. I knelt over the cliff of the swollen river, my eyes puffy and red as tears streamed down my face, she fell with such grace and so slowly, forcing me to watch in endless horror as her body was engulfed in the enraged waters. My body slumped over and the earth beneath me threating to crumble. I waited watching the water waiting for her to emerge, but she never did. Her scream rang in my ears over and over again, but everything else remained silent. The torment, I was so close to holding her, my breath catching in my chest as though there was a vice wrapped around my lungs. Sobs began to erupt, turning to howls as my heart ached.

A sinful laugh, broke the silence of my mind, so deep and evil, it tore through my soul, I slowly turned to face the figure, only catching his shadowed lips upturned in a cruel sinister way, and he turned away from me, his coat flailing in the wind, his demeanour as if he had accomplished his mission.

Tears still streaked my face as my head bowed and everything began to darken, my body slowly went numb and as I fell to the ground my eyes closed, my body wet and shivering.

But as my eyes closed, they also opened, my body shaking, not from the cold, but from hands that lay placed on my shoulders, the softness beneath me no longer the grass and dirt, but a mattress, the cold turned to warmth, the only thing that had not change was the pang of sadness and wetness of my skin. “Alex honey, wake up.” The voice travelled through the air in a whisper. I slowly opened my eyes, my mothers, sat beside me on my bed, her voice trembling but quiet, her frame stiff, but at the same time relaxed. “Another nightmare?”

I pulled myself up, wiping the tears from my eyes. Slowly nodding as I tethered my conscience from my nightmare. “It was about L-Lilly again, but this time, it was as if I was there with her.” I whispered in a croaky voice, barely containing my sobs. I pulled my purple satin blanket up to my chest, my knuckles turning white as I gripped the fabric, trying to stop the tears from flowing. My mother didn’t say anything, just nodded and stared at me, a pained expression on her face. I could tell she was trying not to cry. She slowly rose from my bed, and steadily walked around my room towards my white curtains and flicked them open, allowing a ray of light from the morning sun to flood the room. The clock to my left, flashed with large numbers 6:02am. I sighed as I slung my legs over the side of my bed, dreading the day to come. Only 3 hours till Lilly’s funeral. I wasn’t ready, I don’t think anyone really is when it comes to truly saying goodbye to a loved one.

I just need to keep it together for a few more hours, I need to be strong for my mother, but my dreams having been weighing heavily on my shoulders. The dreams started a day after she went missing, overtaking my mind and emotions. The horror I first felt with mixed emotions was gut-wrenching, but as the images flashed across my mind every time my eye’s closed, it started to feel too real. They started off, just seeing Lilly by the river, and as the days went on they became darker, so sinister that I couldn’t ignore them anymore. I begged my mother to take me to the police station, dread building over me. I asked them to check the river. I wanted them to just be a manifestation of my over active imagination. Later that day, the phone rang, my mother had been pacing the living room since we had gotten back home, the same routine she had since Lilly went missing. Biting her fingernails, only manicured a few weeks earlier, her hand gravitated above the phone hesitant to answer. Scared of what the voice on the other end would say, the question; will I ever see my daughter again, showed in her sunken eyes, a clear indicator of the many sleepless nights she had of recent.

My mother slowly raised the phone to her ear and could barely form a whisper, “Hello? Yes this is Miss Anette.” Her face fell, turning a pale white, her breaths deep and quick, as if she was struggling for air. I didn’t need to ask her, as her blue eyes, identical to my sisters, filled with tears. The phone fell from her hands, and she dropped to the ground with a thud, her soft sobs, turned into wails of pain and sadness. I had seen enough, I didn’t want to ask, I didn’t want to know, because I knew in my heart that my dreams had not betrayed me, they had let me see the last seconds of her life, and for that, I felt helpless, worthless. The whole time I knew, yet I said nothing. With that I ran to my room, slamming my wooden door behind me, and there I stayed, cuddling into my blankets, sobbing. The dreams didn’t stop, only showing me more bitterness.

She had been missing for almost two weeks and I had the answer all along. It’s only been two days since Lilly was found and now in less than three hours I would be saying good bye. I don’t think I could cry anymore, the amount of tears I had shed in the last couple of days could fill an Olympic swimming pool. Lost in my thoughts, I didn’t realise my mother was now sitting right next to me, a blank stare plastered on her face, as she looked over my messy room, tissues overflowing the bin under my desk, close splayed out on my floor, my school books in the same place I had left them 5 days ago. “I know this is hard and I don’t want to do this either honey, but you need to get ready.”  She planted a soft kiss on my head with trembling lips before she retreated out of my room, lingering at my door once more, she flashed me one of her motherly smiles, but it wasn’t the same, filled with so much sorrow, it hurt just looking at her. I looked up just to catch a glimpse of her long blonde hair whipping around the corner, her black floor length dress cascading behind her. I could hear the clicking of her high heels as she receded down the hallway, only slowing down as she passed my sisters room.

Taking a deep breath in, I made my way to my walk in robe, looking for the dress I never hoped to wear, Elegant but as dark as the occasion it was meant for. It was as black as the night sky when the moon did not show its beautiful silver face, and when the stars hid behind a velvet array of clouds. I slipped it on hesitantly, a reminder of what was to come. The next part didn’t come any easier, I made my way to the bathroom, I waited in front of the basin a while, not wanting to see what a wreck my face had become. I slowly looked up, my face white, my eyes puffy and red, there usual vibrant amber colour hazed over, my nose swollen and sore. I didn’t recognise the girl looking back at me. I hastily applied my make-up, not wanting to spend much time looking at my withdrawn reflection. The bathroom dull, the colour lifeless, a pale yellow coated the walls. I would usually spend time criticising the ill taste of the décor in the house, from the chipped paint, to the horrid design, but today I couldn’t bring myself to think about anything but what I was about to face. I sighed as I made my way out of the bathroom, down the rustic hallway, the lights glooming above me, as no natural light could make way inside. I found my mother seated at the end of our lush velvet sofa in the living room, her mascara smudged and streaked lines left down her cheeks from where the fresh tears had fallen. As she noticed me, she rose from her seat and silently walked towards the front door, I followed close behind her. My head bowed. I can do this.

The little Suzuki swift was dead silent, silent enough that I could hear the hands ticking on my watch, seeming to move slower than they should.

We had already been to the viewing, the priest spoke his words and so did the people of the town who loved Lilly, the whole time we were there we never spoke a word to each other or to anyone else who offered their condolences. Facing Lilly dressed in a lace white dress that flowed through the casket. Her blonde hair curled into ringlets framing her perfectly rounded face and almost as if she was at peace, her plump pink lips turned ever so slightly at the corners. Her skin was touched with blush, but it didn’t rid her of the lifeless colour that was evidence of her cruel end, it reminded me she was never coming home, she was never going to nag me or scream at me to get out of the bathroom, she would never steal my clothes again, or tease me about the cute mysterious boy I have a crush on, all the things I found so annoying, I knew I would deeply miss.

As we all payed our respects the church was filled with the soft melody of a piano, playing slowly and gracefully. I didn’t cry, I wanted to, but instead I held it in, and let my mother lay her head on my shoulder as she trembled, tears pouring from her puffy red eyes, gasping for air. As it drew to a close we were ushered outside, a line of black clothes and sad faces trailing behind her coffin as it was taken away. I waited, watching as the hearse pulled away, knowing the worst part was to come.

 The drive to the cemetery was achingly slow, giving enough time for even more pain and sadness to seep in, if that is even possible. My head lay on the cold window, as I gazed out into the passing fields. It was such a miserable day, the rain fell, landing as mist. A blanket of fog covered every available crease and crescent. No light shone on this day, how fitting, how tragic. I breathed out, releasing an icy breath, clouding and sticking to the window, I continued to draw a love heart in it, sighing I turned to my mother, her eyes fixated on the road ahead, not daring to look away as the visibility was near non-existent. I opened my mouth to speak but quickly shut it again, I didn’t really know what to say but the silence was killing me, I needed noise, something to drown out my own dreadful thoughts. Before long I gave up and returned to staring out the window, until a familiar sight snapped me out of my daze, all though familiar, it was not a welcoming site. Tall white flaked fences made of stone towering 3 metres high, the paint weathered and warn from the sour weather of Elkin, weeds weaving up and over like snakes, mostly rotten and brown, the stone becoming more chipped as it gave way to the rusted iron gates, that squeaked and clattered as the wind pushed, threatening to fall from its warn hinges. I knew what lay beyond them, and I was not keen to be back here.

My mother slowly pulled in next to the fence, as did other cars trailing behind us. She took a deep breath with her hands still tightly wrapped around the leather case of the steering wheel, her knuckles turning white, from her vice like grip. I placed my hand on-top of hers and gave her a light squeeze. She exhaled softly and looked back at me with her upturned glossy blue eyes, I wiped a single tear that began its descent down her cheek. “She’d want us to be strong right? Mum, we can do this,” I gave her a peck on the cheek, wishing I had the right words to say. “I love you Alex.” She whispered as she opened her car door, she lingered a few seconds before hopping out, and her hands moved instantly to her sides, in-twining her fingers together as she looked out through the gates, the hearse was waiting only metres away. Bracing myself for the cold, I moved around the car and took my mother’s hand. We weren’t ready for this, I wasn’t ready to say my goodbyes, and I know my mother wasn’t either.

My mother who usually stood tall and proud, made her way down the gravel path, as though she had been defeated and all will had been stolen. I let my mother walk ahead of me as I took in the beautiful but desolate scenery. Beautiful white marble headstone of all different shapes and sizes lined in rows making their way through the cemetery, most were decorated with gorgeous flowers, some had been attended to recently, others left to rot an whither, becoming one with the earth they lay upon. Giving back to nature, as we all do when we are laid to rest. A beautiful but dire contract we have with Mother Nature, how cruel she can be, but also how lovely. “Make something beautiful of my sister,” I whispered into her cold winds, hoping she’d carry my message.

“Alex!”

My head whipped up with the call of my name, bringing me to the attention of my mother who had already reached Lilly’s pink wooden coffin, she waited for me patiently as I made my way through the thickening crowd. I came in beside her, I reached out to her hand and held it tightly. Everyone else followed suit and began falling in line around her coffin, which was placed next to my father’s grave. The priest cleared his throat and began to talk, at that time I began to zone out, my mind eloped into sadness, and memories of my sister who was far too young at 15 to be getting buried. I saw his lips moving, but I could not hear him. I looked towards my feet, shielding my face with my long brown hair as tears began to fall. My mother’s eye’s welled up as she placed a single red rose on top of Lilly’s coffin, she pulled away, her hands raised to her face, as uncontrollable sobs erupted and a cry that was the true sound of pain. As the coffin began to lower into the ground, it hit me, it really hit me, she was gone, this is the last time I will ever see her face, as she descended more and more, my heart began breaking, I couldn’t hold it in anymore, I fell to my knee’s a scream tore from my lips, the sobs coming without warning, the tears running freely soaking every inch of my face, I struggled to breathe, as I let my emotions run wild, betraying the strong face I kept so long. This was it, the hardest part, the part where you let go, the realisation, the pain. I couldn’t physically bear it any longer, the mental pain I felt, now showed physically, I felt so raw, so open. I begged silently to wake up for this to be just a bad dream, but as they laid the first layer of dirt over the coffin, I knew I couldn’t take it anymore, without warning I scrambled to my feet and began pushing through the crowd, my vision blurred as I stumbled over my own feet, sobs still pouring out. I ran as fast as I could, to where I don’t know, I just ran in any direction away from where I left my heart, with Lilly.

It felt as though I was running for ages, but really I had only made it a few hundred metres before I doubled over next to a tree. Wiping my eyes with the sleeve of my coat, I leaned against the tall oak tree, steadying my breathing. I felt a chill run up my spine, a sense of unease washed over me. Id felt this feeling before, I scraped the corners of my mind, try to figure out where, than it dawned on me, I felt this same feeling in my dream, right before I turned and saw the cloaked figure. Panic washed over me and my heart began to race, I looked around me, searching the woods that nestled behind the oak tree. It was dark as I scanned the area, the thick scrub not allowing any light. You’re being stupid, I told myself, but I was so hyped up, I didn’t believe my own words.

My heart now pounding as I turned around in circles. Searching for what or who was causing this uneasy feeling. My hand began clasping at my chest. I didn’t understand. Why did my chest hurt? Not the kind of pain you get from sadness. It felt as though someone was driving a hot knife through my chest. I began to cough trying to catch my breath, but my chest would no longer allow air into my lungs. Panic began to set as my eyes amber eyes grew wide. It was the cloaked figure. His hands were outreached towards me, but his fingers were unusually twisted, almost as if with every movement he made with them broke them. His face didn’t wear a mask of pain though. He had that same sickening smile plaster on his face, the same one he had when he killed my sister.

Fear really sunk in, my breath was slowly being squeezed out of lungs and the thing responsible for my sister’s death was the reason behind it. I tried to run, to fight back, but just like in all those dreams, I stood motionless as though my feet were cemented to the damp earth beneath me. I began to go limp, ready for him to take me, as he did my sister. I stopped struggling, falling to the ground in utter defeat.

He could see I had given up. He knew he broke me, and he seemed proud to have done it so easily. The sound of his laughter echoed into my ears, sending chills down my spine. His laugh was the kind of sound that made you sleep with your light on for the remainder of your miserable life. I could barely keep my eyes open as I watched him almost glide over to me, he was within inches of my face, I could smell his rotten breath, as he snickered into my neck, his sharp nails digging into my cheek as he forcefully help my head up, as if he was making sure I stayed awake as long as possible, to make sure I smelt his foul odour, seeping into my nostrils, to make sure I felt his nails cutting deeper into my skin. The cloaked mans, breath quickened as he began to speak. “You shall die like your sister, screaming and crying.” His voice sounded rough as he talked, it felt like venom in my ears, hearing him talk about my sisters last moments, and how she spent them with this filthy thing.

My eyes began to close as I hear him begin to whisper a foreign word that also sounded so familiar.

“Mort-“.

My eyes flickered open one more time, as his words were cut short. A gush of wild wind swirled around me with what felt like a determined rage, but not toward me. I could feel its force around me, but as soon as it touched me it felt like a soft breeze. Another voice broke through the roaring. “Obice in praesidium.” His voice was like caramel, smooth, soft and sweet. I don’t know why, but I felt safe. I closed my eyes, not opening them again as I fell into a deep sleep.