Run-Away Little Sister: Hurting

Chapter Fourteen: Heartfelt

ANASTASIA'S POV:

Heartfelt.

A genuine, sincere, strongly-felt feeling.

Having a heartfelt conversation with my twin brother, Nathan, was one of the last things I expected to do today. It wasn't even on my mind in the slightest. After yesterday's blowout with all my other brothers, I realized that Nathan was the only one who didn't try anything I was uncomfortable with.

James yelled and brought me back to the old days where once he yelled, the hits, the kicks, the punches, the whips, they would all follow shortly after. Matthew tried to appease everybody, especially James, like he always did. Jackson and Mason, they were on a completely different level though. Jackson and Mason cornered me whenever they could yesterday, they pushed the boundaries they should be respecting, though they never yelled or laid their hands on me. So there was some improvement, even if it wasn't a lot. 

Nathan tried talking to me yesterday, but once I communicated with him that I wasn't ready, the only thing he told me was to let him know when I was, and that he'd be waiting.

When I got home yesterday, I couldn't focus on work or anything really. I just laid in bed and cuddled the twins, staring blankly at the wall in front of me, listening to the endless baby babbles from my little siblings.

I was suddenly thrown back into old memories, remembering the days that Nathan and I would spend together, before we got older and he stopped coming around.

I remembered exactly why I used to have such a great relationship with Nathan. Nathan respected people's wishes, no matter his own wishes. Nathan always tried to put me first when we were younger. I loved that about my brother. I still love that about my brother.

And so, my best friends helped me get through one of my decently common depressive episodes. My depressive episodes come whenever I keep too many emotions bottled up without release. My body tries to shut down and give me time to process them in a way it understands.

Last night, I stayed cuddled up in blankets with the babies, just existing in the moment, my brain going a million miles a minute thinking about forgiving Nathan, or at least taking a step in that direction.

Wyatt, Max, and Jamie all worked on the legal business last night, working to complete all the work I had needed completed by last night. While Layla, Kayla, and Luke all worked on the illegal business last night, completing all of that work that needed to be completed by last night.

All six of them allowing me an afternoon and night's worth of sleep, something I couldn't be more grateful for.

Now it was the morning after my depressive episode. I still felt sad, tired, and like I could breakdown into tears at any given moment, but I was feeling better than the night before. I dealt with my emotions enough to last bottled up for a little bit longer.

It's not healthy, but that's never stopped me before.

Dressed in one of my favorite outfits that made me feel like myself, I smiled in the mirror. It was a forced smile, but a smile nonetheless.

I had on a dark grey lace up knit cropped shirt, ripped at the knees black jeans, a red flannel (so I wouldn't get dress-coded, and black lace up combat boots. 

My hair was down in the normal straight part it always is, and I didn't bother with makeup this morning.

But I felt pretty.

After staring at myself in the mirror for a little while longer, I eventually sighed and walked out of the school bathroom. The group had already left, having their tasks for the day pre-decided.

Luke and Kayla would be at the shooting range with some of my gang members, helping them all to train properly. Luke and Kayla absolutely thrived in the gun department of our illegal businesses, it was one of their favorite pass times, which meant they were the ones who always had to complete that chore.

Wyatt was hacking whatever he could get his hands on, in hopes that he could help us either find a clue as to our parents killer or in hopes that he could find something we could use against our enemies if the time arose.

Layla and Jamie were at the fighting ring with some of my other gang members, helping them all train properly as well. Layla and Jamie thrived on fighting hand-to-hand combat as well as with knives. Those were their specialties, and that meant they were the ones to have that chore.

Max loved being off on his own running errands for the illegal businesses. In his off time however, he loved teaching the history behind our gang to our gang members. Today Max was spending the day running errands for me, which saved me a lot of time.

With everyone else gone, and me luckily not having to train new recruits or have any meetings, I was able to take my sweet time in leaving the school building. It was only our second day here at school and I was already regretting every decision to ever come back here.

Coming out of the bathroom, I noticed the empty halls. School had finished fifteen minutes ago and when I had entered the bathroom the halls were crowded with more people than I could count.

Walking down the empty hall, I noticed a single figure at the end of the hallway, and upon walking closer, I realized that it was my twin brother, Nathan.

Deciding that I didn't want to be cruel to him anymore than I had been, I walked up to him and stopped in front of him.

Looking at him closer, I noticed that he was a few inches taller than me standing at around six foot, with me being five foot ten inches. Whereas before Nathan and I were about even in height at five foot seven inches. Now Nathan looked older, more mature than he did two years ago. His eyes held a certain pain to them.

"Nathan?" I asked, my head looking up so I could lock eyes with him.

"Yeah, Ana? I mean, Anastasia. Sorry, still getting used to that." he looked around sheepishly, not making eye contact with me.

"I just wanted to talk for a minute, if you have the time?" I told him.

"I'll always have time for you. I've learned from my mistakes, now before you say anything I'd like to apologize." he spoke sincerely.

"You have nothing to apologize for. You were a child when everything went down." I told him honestly.

"But I do." he spoke, "I have everything to apologize for."

He took a deep breath before speaking again, "I promised to be your number one person, number one supporter, no matter what. And I broke that promise the minute I didn't stand up for you against our brothers. There will never be enough apologies that I can say to make up for that, whether I was a child or not, so were you."

I looked at him in utter shock, I didn't expect that kind of an apology from Nathan, I didn't expect for him to blame himself, he was a child just as much as I was. I never expected him to fight for me, that wouldn't be realistic.

If I could barely fight for myself, why would he be able to fight for me?

"Nathan, it's okay." I assured, "I never blamed you. I could barely fight for myself, why would you be able to fight for me?"

"I could have tried though." he tried.

"Sometimes the wrong choices bring us to the right places, Nathan. You made a wrong, bad choice, and that wrong choice eventually brought me the happiness I needed to get through the hardest times of my life." I informed my twin brother, "I wish I wouldn't have had to go through the pain, but knowing where I am now, I'd do it again, in a heartbeat. I love my life now, Nathan. I'm happy. I'm living my best possible life."

"I'm glad your happy, but I still wish I could have spent the past two years with you. I hated not knowing if you were okay or not, and I have no reason to care because back when you lived with us I knew you weren't okay, and I didn't do anything about it." Nathan admitted, "I don't know how you're not angry with me."

"I'm not angry with you because you tried throughout those seven years, you tried to help me, and that's what matters. I'm sorry I left like I did, but I'm not sorry I left."

"And I understand that." Nathan told me, "I'm glad you left. I'm glad you got out when you did, otherwise you wouldn't have made it. They would have killed you, and I would have never been able to live with myself."

"Nathan, I want us to start over." I told him, "I want a relationship with you. I want my twin brother back."

He smiled, "Then you've got him."

And in that moment I felt a piece of my shattered heart mend back together.

Maybe I would be okay after all. 

Author's Note -

Here's the fourteenth chapter of "Run-Away Little Sister: Hurting". It's definitely different than the original version, Ana's started to mend her relationship with Nathan. They're not back to normal or have even a semi-normal relationship, but it's a start. Chapter fifteen should also be out soon.

Let me know what you all think about this chapter. And make sure you all comment, vote (by clicking the star), and share this story with those who might like it.

Thanks for reading!

-Michaela {The Author}

Original Version Published: March 9th. 2019 

Edited Version Published: September 10th. 2021