Run-Away Little Sister: Hurting

Chapter Three: Leaving

ANASTASIA'S POV:

Home is where the heart is, that's what people always say. But when does a home, that once had so many beautiful memories, become a house that now has almost no meaning? My house was once my home, but now when I look at the two story house in front of me, all I can think about is the trauma that took place behind those closed doors.

My first words, my first steps, my first laughs, my first memories were all in this building that I stand in front of right now. But I can't find it inside of me to care, because now when I look towards the door, I feel my heart race, my insides churn, and my hands become clammy.

The good was replaced with the bad, and I truly don't know when I stopped being able to look at the house in front of me as a home, my home.

When I ran away from school, I ran faster than I ever had before. My lungs burned, but I couldn't stop. Tears pricked my eyes, clouding my vision, but I didn't stop. Dane, a boy I grew up with, who at one time I would have considered to be my brother, just tried to r**e me.  

When does life get so twisted around that everything begins to go backwards? When does a home become a house? When do people you've known all your life become strangers? How do they become strangers? I wish I knew, I wish I had the answers I so desperately craved.

With shaking hands, burning lungs, and tears streaming down my face, I slowly opened the door to my own personal hell, quietly entering the house, before shutting and locking the door behind me.

No one was home.

I already knew that.

But I don't think I'll ever feel safe or loved in this house ever again. I'll always be on guard, waiting for the moment someone comes out of the shadows and releases fury on me for stepping on the ground too loudly.

My mind's on overdrive, trying to process what just happened. My heart aches just as much as my lungs, but for completely different reasons.

I'm never safe.

You're supposed to be safe at home. I haven't been, not since I was seven.

You're supposed to be safe at school. I haven't been, not since I go to school with my brothers, not since woman are seemingly only to be used as toys for men.

I'm never safe.

I just wanted safely and compassion. I want to be loved, to be held, to be told everything will be okay.

But that won't happen.

I'm on my own in this cruel world we're all forced to live in.

But the house is silent.

And I know I have only a matter of hours before the real hell makes an appearance...

Four hours had passed, it was now three-thirty and I only had a matter of minutes before most of my brothers would be bursting in through the front door. Coming home from school early has major perks though, the laundry is done, snacks for my brothers are prepared, dinner is complete and in the fridge waiting to be reheated, and my homework is almost complete. I only have one more page of math problems and then I'll be finished for the day, with all my other work being completed. 

All the work needing to be done occupied my mind, keeping the scary thoughts away. Now though, the distractions I have won't be able to help me. 

Jackson and Mason would no doubt be coming home with Dane, who would spill his version of beans on what happened earlier in the day, while Matthew and Nathan would be coming home with only each other, not bothering to bring home friends from work/school.

I still had a few more hours until James got home, and thus a punishment would finds its way to me.

I know I had a choice this morning, when Dane forced himself onto me, and I choose to fight back with everything I had in me. My brothers had taken a lot of things from me these past years, but this was a point they'd never cross or willingly let someone else cross because somewhere deep down, whether they realize it or not they do still care about me.

Dane would warp the truth though, and I would be the one on the floor withering in pain. But it would be worth it because in the end, Dane didn't get what he wanted.

I made a decision, one that I know in my heart was correct. I can handle a beating, it's just one more to add to the list. But r**e, being so violated? I don't think I'd ever fully recover from that.

And so I stay quiet, my thoughts swirling around inside my brain, as the silence persisted. I knew the silence would be ending very soon though, and so I savored it. I savored the quiet, peaceful feeling I had put myself into.

After all, in a matter of mere moments my anxiety would sky-rocket once again, and I'd be left with the pain-staking familiar ache in my chest that surrounded both my heart and lungs.

It was three hours later, at exactly six-forty-seven in the evening when James' car pulled into the driveway. Nobody had bothered to check up on me, after knowing I missed most of the school day.

But what can I say, I'm a background character, one that doesn't hold much importance. And I'm perfectly okay with that.

Soon after James pulled into the driveway, his car shut off, and I watched as he exited his car, still dressed in his suit that I had laid out that morning. The only difference, is now later in the day you could see how his body was dragging, he had an exhausting day at work.

I strained my ears, barely being able to hear the front door open and shut as James walked inside our house. I breathed in and out, praying to whatever God there is above that James wouldn't injure me all that much tonight.

I knew it was unlikely, praying had never worked before, but it still didn't hurt to try. I wasn't very religious, I didn't believe truly believe in God itself, but I definitely believed in a higher power, whoever or whatever that may be.

Staying silent, I began to lose myself inside my head, my thoughts running circles around my head, only stopping when I heard James' voice boom from downstairs-

"ANASTASIA! GET YOUR ASS DOWN HERE, NOW!"

And without waiting for another second, I briskly walked out of my room and down the stairs, knowing I was about to receive one of the worst punishments I've ever been given.

Getting downstairs, my eyes quickly scan the area. I notice Matthew and Nathan both pressed up against the wall, leaning against it with concerned expressions resting on their faces. Jackson, Mason, and Dane were all sitting on the couches, Jackson and Mason having annoyed expressions resting on their faces, while Dane was slightly smirking.

James on the other hand was glaring at me with his arms crossed over his chest, as he watched me come down the stairs.

Silently reminding myself to breathe and not make eye contact with anyone, I finished walking down the stairs, eyes locked on the floor below me.

There was only one way this was going to turn out, and it wasn't going to be good for me.

"Anastasia?" James questioned harshly.

"Yes, James?" I spoke quietly, as I continued to force the tears down.

I couldn't cry. Not in front of my brothers, and not in front of my almost r****t.

"What happened at school today?" he questioned, but from the tone he used I could tell he already knew everything.

"I-uh-um..." I stuttered over my words.

"I don't have all day, brat." he growled and I flinched, looking up at my brother through my eyelashes.

"I-I was late to school." I started off, "I missed world history."

I hesitated at the next part, knowing most of the people in this room wouldn't believe me.

"Then what?"

"Da-ne was s-supposed to tutor me, in what I missed." I deeply sighed, as tears continued to form, "I-I know you won't believe what I'm going to say next... and that's o-okay, but Dane tried r****g me. Every injury you see on him was when he fought to get into my pants after I said no. He forced himself on me, and I fought back."

"That is not what happened! She's lying." Dane cried out, faining innocence.

"You're right about one thing, Anastasia?" James told me, looking down at me, "Do you know what that thing you're right about, is?"

"You don't be-lieve me." I spoke lowly.

"Correct. I guess you're not as dumb as you look." James chuckled humorously.

James then turned his attention to Dane, as I scanned the room.

Jackson and Mason looked angry, they were glaring directly at me. Matthew looked at me with confusion in his eyes, and Nathan looked at me with a mixture of sadness, pity, and confusion.

I know I shouldn't have expected anything, but I hoped Nathan or Matthew would have spoken up. They know I don't lie about things that matter, unless it endangers someone's safety. 

Then again, when has Matthew ever spoken up about what he knew to be the truth? When has Nathan ever spoken up when he knows the difference between my lies and my truths? Never, that's when. They're never there when it counts, but maybe I expect too much from my siblings. 

"Dane." James began, "I am truly sorry for Anastasia's actions and lies. I can promise you that we will be having a long conversation about this after you leave, and she will be punished for thinking it's okay to make up lies about a person. With that being said though, I'm going to have to ask you to leave, seeing as someone needs to be punished."

"Yes, of course." Dane smiled a small smile at James, "Thank you so much for understanding and believing me. I'll see you guys at school tomorrow."

Dane got up off the couch and as he walked past me, he bumped into my shoulder harshly before whispering into my ear, "Told you they wouldn't believe you, Stacie."

And then he looked me in the eye and spoke loud enough for everyone in the room to hear him, though his tone was mocking, "Sorry for bumping into you Stacie."

Then he was gone.

At that moment I wanted to cry, but I knew I couldn't. I just needed to hold on for a little while longer, and everything would be alright.

Everything would be alright.

I was sent up to my room without dinner, after heating everybody else's. I was just glad I had enough common sense to eat right before everyone else showed up this afternoon, otherwise I'd be starving right now.

They had all began eating twenty or so minutes ago, while I was laying on my bed in my room, wondering what was going to happen next.

Soon enough, like always, I got lost in my thoughts, and the next thing I knew, someone was lightly shaking me, causing me to gasp loudly and bolt up.

It was Nathan.

"Yes N-Nathan?" I asked shakily, as I tried slowly my heart back to normal.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to scare you. I just wanted to talk real quick. The others think I'm in the bathroom." Nathan answered me, as he bounced from the tips of his toes to the heels of his feet.

"What did you want to talk about?" I asked.

"Were you telling the truth? Look me in the eyes and tell me the truth. When I look in your eyes, the truth is always there. I know you lied about making the phone call to mom and dad that night, I don't know who actually made it, but I know you lied. So tell me the truth right now, about Dane." Nathan ranted.

"I was telling the truth. He split my lip and I have bruises on my face from where he punched me." I explained.

"Where are they?" Nathan asked, as he stared at my makeup covered face.

I grabbed a wipe and some water that I had in my room, before lightly scrubbing the makeup off my face.

"There. I didn't want anyone to the bruises. I always cover them, no matter who they're from. Besides, Dane could have easily gotten out of it by saying he only hit back in self-defense."

"You're telling the truth." Nathan noted, "I can see it in your eyes."

He pulled me in for a gentle hug, "I'm sorry I left you behind all these years."

"It's okay." I whispered, as I got a hug from my brother for the first time in three years.

"But it's not."

I missed this warm, loving feeling.

It was nine-thirty now, and dinner was long finished.

After Nathan and I's moment, he left soon after. James had started calling for him, and I didn't want Nathan to get in trouble for coming to talk to me.

James had somewhat destressed though. He had showered and gotten ready for bed, working for about an hour after dinner had finished. He completely ignored the world around him.

Whereas Jackson and Mason both worked on their homework with Matthew's help, and then all three of them played on their X-Box once they were finished. Nathan stayed and watched our brothers play around on their x-box, occasionally throwing the odd glance towards myself as I continued to clean up the messes all of them left behind.

I had since reapplied my makeup back on, hiding all the bruises on my face and body. My entire body ached, but my day wasn't over yet, and I was only due to be in more pain. The pain James would be putting me in shortly.

Less than ten minutes after I finished cleaning the messes left behind by my brothers, James was calling me downstairs to the basement, and I knew this wouldn't end well.

I made my way down there, despite every bone in my body telling me to run and turn around. It would just be worse if I ran away. And I knew that this morning when I made the decision to fight back.

Following me, Jackson and Mason were only a few short steps behind me. Nathan didn't come downstairs and neither did Matthew. At least they didn't have to watch this, they didn't deserve that type of guilt on their conscience.

"Against the wall, Anastasia." James ordered, no emotion coming through his voice, "Boys you want to watch or take part, you be quiet and stay out of my way while I begin, clear?"

"Yes, James." Jackson and Mason answered in unison.

I walked towards the back wall, where some other blood splatter of mine laid. It was dried blood, it had been a long time since James had decided to use the whip. And I knew I would barely be able to move tomorrow.

"I will do forty." James told me as he prepared the belt, and I clenched my eyes tight in anticipation, "The boys will do fifteen each, that's seventy total. If we feel you need more afterwards we'll add more on. Now, don't move. You move or fight this, we'll start over."

And without waiting another second, James began whacking at my backside, tearing my shirt and pant easily, leaving me completely uncovered to the harsh hits. He wasn't holding back.

And for the first time in a long time-

I thought I was going to die.

"To whom it may concern:

It's Anastasia here!

I just wanted to let everyone know, that breakfast is made, your clothes are picked out, and lunches are ready before I tell you what this note is really for-

I'm leaving.

It shouldn't come as a shock to you, but if it does, please remember-

I'm still the same girl I was seven years ago, I'm kind-hearted, considerate, and loving. I'm a human being. I was never the one to make the phone call to mommy and daddy, I let you believe I was because I didn't want you to harm my brother like you harmed me.

Now though, things have gone to far.

I still don't lie, you could have looked into my eyes and searched for the truth. Nathan did.

But you didn't.

And yesterday, I thought I was going to die by the hands of own brothers.

The same hands that held me so gently filled with love, are now the hands that hold me harshly with hatred running deep down. I wish I could stop this overwhelming pain, it's in my thoughts running around like a toy train and I know you think I'm to blame. But now, I've gotta go my own way.

Sometimes I wish I never got close with you. For years all you brought me was pain and hatred. I still can't help but remember the times when you brought me love and hope. I need to do what's best for me, and that means cutting you out.

Thank you for some of the best and worst years of my life, because of you I am who I am-

A strong, independent female.

But I'm also incredibly sad and broken-hearted.

Until we meet again,

-Anastasia Marie

P.S. - Nathan, I'm not angry with you. You were a kid, you had no control over the situation at hand, I'm just sorry I left before we could ever mend our relationship. I'll miss you.

P.P.S - Don't bother trying to find me. I don't want to be found."

Author's Note - 

Here's the third chapter of "Run-Away Little Sister: Hurting". It's definitely different than the original, but I think that it's much better than the original. Let me know what you think about this chapter. And make sure you all comment and share this story with those who might like it.

Thanks for reading!

-Michaela {The Author} 

Original Version Published: February 15th. 2019 

Edited Version Published: July 23rd. 2021