Prawyers in the Night

Introduction

I want to make clear that I am not a professional counsellor or addictions worker! I am merely the author of my experience as an addict! I am not going to save your sons your daughters or whoever it may be that needs the help, but I am an expert at being an addict! If I can she'd some of my experiences and help you better understand the "addict persona" then great! You may just be that far ahead in the game of your recovery or someone else's but I do not claim to be an expert in getting clean or sober but I can shed a light on the darkness of addiction. And to be honest I've bottled my feelings for so long by "using" that this is also a little selfish for me you see it's time to let it out! It's time to break these chains that bind me it's time for me to fully recover ..although I know I'll struggle at times I've chosen to recover and that for me That is the difference between life and death! So it's time to talk about the most brutal things the sadness the dough's the uncertainty of my addiction. Life has now become so precious to me! Time has caught up to me and I'm sure to you the reader as well! You see when I was a teenager time was infinite, it wasn't concerned it wasn't even a thought but now....now I have woken up! I am in my mid 40's from a bad really bad dream! A dream is full of violence s****l humiliation, depression and suicidal thoughts and dreams that were stolen from me! As I am sure you if your an addict can relate to or even if your a loved one of an addict can also relate to the dreams and hopes that have all but turned to despair, you feel defeated, depressed, broken! But there's hope! It's never too "late" to recover and accomplish your goals! This I am grateful for gratefulness never even being in my vocabulary before! You see we can recover I've seen it first hand, I've seen men and women both addicts and the families, I've seen it happen time and time again I've even seen it happen on the very first try with my cousin, he went to one rehab, walked in on death's door bloated, yellow ( from jaundice ) n I mean yellow we joke about it know saying man you were the colour of Bart Simpson! He did his rehab and a few months later he walked out his liver fully recovered and to this day hadn't had a drink in year's and let me tell you, he drank a 40 pounder of Vodka a day !!! So there's hope there is hope that we can recover!!

So to all the addicts, the mothers the fathers, there's hope thank God! To the loved ones, there's hope for you as well! To all the mothers the fathers of their precious children that can't sleep at night, who toss and turn in bed saying their silent prayers, for their sons, daughters. You pray then weep as we "the addicts" run out of our homes and into the night. We use and we keep on using regardless of the costs! Despite all your efforts and attempts to get us home safe and sound, and in desperation you've tried everything imaginable in the realm of your "powers" to get us to stop using drinking whatever their D.O.C. is you've had big dreams for us!! But you all but given up because you've begged, pleaded, cried, yelled, bribed us all in vain! The broken homes the smashed glasses the crying, the hope has diminished in your minds. The many failed rehabs the thousands of dollars spent, you feel duped, angry, frustrated, defeated and broken spiritually, mentally, and emotionally you feel victimized by even your sons and daughters, you're afraid to admit to yourself that you know to carry resentment towards them!!

The only hope you may still cling to is prayers in the night as you silently wonder if we're still alive! The many hospitals you've raced to at 3:00 am.

The silent whimpers and tears you shed, as you say that one last payer as you slowly fall asleep picturing the beautiful little boy that played T-ball, a long, long time ago how proud you were when he hit his first home run or you're picturing your beautiful little girl who played "tea-time" and dolly's and Barney was her hero!

One last silent prayer in the night............