Ben and Becs: A Novella

Chapter 5: A Little Boy Named Blaze

Becs

“Hey baby doll.” Ben whispers into my ear before kissing my neck. “Hmm.” I roll onto my back and try opening my eyes. “Dad is here. I will call you in a few hours. I love you.” He caresses my cheek as I battle with grogginess. “I love you too.” I start to get up but he stops me. “No, go back to sleep.” But I don’t listen. I always see him off no matter what time it is. He lets out a quiet chuckle as he helps me out of bed and into his arms. “Call me if you anything babe. I’ll be back on the first flight I can get.” His strong arms hold me tight. “I will Benny. Did you check in on the kids?” He always kisses their sweet little heads as they sleep when he has early flights. He would never make it out the door if we wake them. We learned that the hard way a year ago. He missed his flight altogether. “Not yet.” He lets go of me only to cup my face and kisses me. We reluctantly part ways so he can get moving. He takes my hand and I follow him into the boys room. Maya is curled up above Carter’s head this morning. She makes her rounds every night watching over her family. My sweet girl is getting up there in age but you would never tell by the way she keeps up with the household. I rest against the door frame and watch the love of my life kiss each of our creations. Whispering “I love you. Forever.” To each one. Maya even gets a gentle head pat before he heads into Poppy’s room. Buster is laying at her feet. He’s right at home. Poppy’s wild curls cover her face and Ben tenderly brushes them away and kisses her tiny nose. “I love you. Forever.” He whispers. “You protect my family, buddy. Be a good boy.” Ben reaches down and pets Buster before heading out. He leaves me with one last kiss and a sweet curl tug before he goes. I wave to his dad from the porch and watch the car drive off.

Wide awake now, I makes myself some coffee and sit in the living room trying to enjoy the quiet while it lasts. But I don’t enjoy it. It just isn’t the same when Ben travels. He has such a big presence in our home. And this is the longest he will be away. I hear footsteps come down the steps and within seconds a big furry ball of mutt makes himself at home on my lap. “Hey Buster.” He lets out a sigh and rests his head against my belly. “I already miss him too.” I whisper. Buster looks up after a few minutes and watches Maya come down the steps. She jumps up on the couch and lays down on his back. It was the cutest thing as she purred like a motor boat. Completely content. “You really do fit in with us.” I pet his head and he licks my face. We sit there for a hour watching the sun start to rise. Ben is probably boarding right now heading to the opposite end of the country. My phone buzzes with a text message.

HandsomeBoy: Boarding now, sweetness. I’ll call you when we land. I love you.

Becs: Sounds good, baby. I love you too.

I send him a picture of the three of us on the couch. He’ll get a kick out of Maya.

HandsomeBoy: That’s one hot momma. Wonder if she’ll send me more pics. If you know what I mean...

I can’t believe he’s asking that with his dad right there.

Becs: Behave…

HandsomeBoy: Never!

Becs: And you think I’m the ornery one.

HandsomeBoy: ; )

HandsomeBoy: Seriously though, I wouldn’t mind some sexy pics of my wife.

Becs: I’ll take that under consideration. Now have a safe trip and hurry back to me.

HandsomeBoy: Always.

It’s going to be a long week with him away. I look at the time. The kids will be getting up within the next hour so I walk Buster before starting breakfast. I think we will have waffles with all sorts of toppings. Then a day at the park is in order. The first day that Ben is away is the hardest for our kids. So, I’ll try to make it a non stop fun day. Playtime at the park, happy meals from McDonalds and a movie night are in order. I may even help them build a fort and we can sleepover in the living room. Maybe tomorrow, the grandmas can come over for a swim in the lake. Hopefully more ideas will come to me for the rest of the week.

…

“Mommy!” I hear Poppy cry along with the pitter patter of her feet scurrying around upstairs. “Poppy, I’m down here sweetie.” I walk over to the step so she can see me. “I thought you left with daddy. I was scared.” She cries coming down the steps. “You weren’t in your room. And Buster wasn’t there.” I scoop her up as she sniffs and wipes her nose on my shoulder. “Aw, baby. Its okay. I won’t ever leave you or your brothers alone. Neither would your daddy. I’m sorry you were scared. Come cuddle with Maya and Buster on the couch as I make a yummy breakfast.” I coo and hold her tight against me. “But I want to cuddle with you.” She cries again. “Shh, its okay. I would love to cuddle.” I walk across the room and get comfy on the recliner with Poppy in my arms. She looks up at me with the saddest expression that breaks my heart into pieces. “Aww sweet girl.” I kiss her forehead and reach for a tissue on the end table. I wipe her tears away and let her blow her nose. She rests her head back against my shoulder and I rock her back and forth and sing her a lullaby. That settles her down and she begins to play with my necklace. I open it for her. She loves looking at the picture inside. “Can you call daddy?” She asks. “He is way up in the air right now. But daddy promised me that he will call when he lands in New York. We all will get to talk to him in a few hours.” I reassure her. She nods and climbs out of my lap and onto to the couch with Buster and Maya. “I can watch cartoons?” She asks sweetly as she cuddles into our new furry family member. “Sure, baby.” I turn the tv on and put her favorite channel on before I finish up breakfast. Its not long before the boys come down. Every one of them look sad, especially Aiden. “Good morning boys. Can I get some hugs?” I kneel to their level and without hesitation they give me what I ask for. “Daddy will be calling in a few hours.” I reassure them. “Poppy, come sit with your brothers.” She scoots off the couch and all my kids climb onto the kitchen chairs. “Mommy has a full day planned of all sorts of fun stuff starting with build your own waffles!” I say as enthusiastically and upbeat as I can. That earns me smiles and cheers as I start placing all the fruits, sprinkles, waffles and whipped cream on the island. I watch them dig in and decorate their breakfast. I stand back and take a picture to send to Ben. “Mommy, make one with us.” Greyson smiles the exact same way his father does. Girls will bein trouble when the triplets are older. They all have the Ben Wilder Classic. “Hmm, what do you guys think I should put on mine?” I look over all the options dramatically to cause more giggles. “Chocolate!” Carters passes me the chocolate chips. “Sprinkles!” Poppy shouts. “Then do blueberries.” Greyson says. The boy loves blueberries. I can’t keep them in the house and I am in no way complaining about that! I look over at Aiden, he still seems a little down but trying to have fun. “How about whipped cream?” Aiden asks trying to reach it. “Those all sound perfect! Help me put them on.” I smile as each one of my  babies build my waffle. Four perfect children that Ben and I created with love. I couldn’t ask for a better life.

…

HandsomeBoy: I love it! Getting off plane now. Will call soon.

I knew he would love that picture. We just got to the park when his text came in. “Okay guys, daddy is getting off the plane now. He will call very soon. Lets go sit at the picnic table so we all can talk to him.” The big SUV fills with cheers  as I start to unload. “Remember, the rules. You all stay close to mommy. We all hold hands as we walk across the parking lot. No running off or talking to strangers unless I say its okay. I have juice boxes and water in our little cooler along with snacks. You ready to have fun?” I smile as they cheer once more. “Aiden, you’re up buddy.” I help him out of his car seat. As soon as his feet hit the ground, he holds onto the front pocket of my jeans as I help Carter out. “Okay Carter, hold Aiden’s hand.” Poppy and Greyson follow suit. All four stand against the car as I place the cooler strap over my shoulder along with a tote bag full of toys. “Hands please.” We make out way across the parking lot and sit at an open picnic table. As soon as I set down the cooler and purse, my phone rings. “Perfect timing. Gather around guys.” They quickly scoot all around me as I answer the video call. “Hi daddy!” We all say in unison. Ben’s smile fills the screen. “Good morning guys! Someone else wants to say hi too.” He says as dad  comes into view. “Grandpa!” They cheer and say their hellos. “I miss you daddy.” Aiden says as his siblings agree. “I miss you too buddy. I miss all of you. I’m going to try real hard to get work done so I can come home very soon.” He says. “Oh, hey! How were those waffles. They looked yummy.” He’s staying up beat for them. “Very yummy.” Greyson answered. Each child told him what they put on their waffles and how they helped build mine. “Good, you all better make sure mommy eats. Don’t let her get too busy where she forgets.” He eyes me. “I will remember, Ben.” He gives me a look. “Uh huh. Kids make sure she eats.” They each nod and promise him. “Can you take pictures of where you’re at, daddy?” Carter asks. “I sure can, son. I’ll make sure to take a lot. You all at the park?” Ben tries to look past us. “Yes! Mommy said we can play all morning and then she is getting us happy meals!” Poppy cheers happily. “And we are having a movie night and we get to build our own fort and have sleepover in it!” Greyson pipes in. “Oh wow! Mommy is the best isn’t she!” Ben’s smile is a mile long as he focuses on  me and winks. “You guys have fun and be good for mommy. I have to get going. I love you.” We all say our love yous back. “And I’m still waiting on my pictures, Becs.” He says quietly. I shake my head at him. “Behave mister.” I make a goofy face at him and he laughs. “Never.” He smirks but it quickly turns into a sweet smile. “Now go have fun. I love you, sweetheart.” He’s barely gone a half a day and it feels like forever. “We will, babe. I love you too, Benny. Enjoy New York.” Our gaze lingers for just a few moments before he slightly nods, wordlessly telling me to hang up. I blow a kiss and end the call.

“Come on mommy!” Poppy pulls my hand to get me to stand. “Okay, lets go have some fun!” The five of us run to the sand pit and dig in. We built a small community of sand castles and mountains when I notice a little boy sitting by himself on the other side. He’s no older than four or five and he looks terribly sad. I look around for a parent or baby sitter only to find a woman dressed in extremely tight clothing and high heels talking on the phone as she checks out her nails. She isn’t even watching the precious little boy. My heart sinks as I watch him look over at my kids and back over at his whoever she is to him. I’m about to get up and interrupt her phone call to ask her if he can come play with my kids but Poppy beats me to it. “Mommy, can I ask that little boy to play with us?” She looks up at me and gives me the most sweetest and innocent smile. “Of course, baby. Aiden can you go with her?” He nods and stands up. I watch as they both go hand in hand to the cute little boy. I watch the interaction as his frown turns into a smile. “Mommy?” He calls to the woman on the phone. She glances over for a nanosecond and waves him off. I truly try not to judge others but I don’t have a good feeling about her. Poppy takes his hand and leads him over to us. “I’m Poppy. This Aiden. And this Greyson and Carter. And this is my mommy.” Poppy points to each one of us as they walk over. The little boy looks up at me and then back at Poppy. His eyes go wide trying to figure out why we look so much alike. Its cute and its a reaction we get all the time. “What’s your name?” Poppy asks breaking his concentration. “Blaze.” He says shyly. My other two boys greet him and the five immediately start playing. The sand pit fills with their laughter and inside jokes. “Can we have our snacks now?” Aiden asks. “Sure, baby boy. Let me talk to Blaze’s mom real quick first.” I poke his cute little nose and stand up. “You guys stay right here. Okay. I’m just going over here for a moment.” I point toward the woman who has yet to look our way. “Excuse, miss.” I stand where I am facing the kids and keeping an eye on them at all times. I tap her shoulder. She spins and gives me a shitty look for being in her vicinity. “I brought snacks for my kids. Can your son…” She cuts me off. “Yea sure. Whatever.” She turns back just as quickly. I’m a f*****g stranger to her son. How could she not even care? I raise my voice a bit to get her attention back. “Is he allergic to anything? I’m Rebecca Wilder, by the way.” I add. She sighs like she’s annoyed. “No.” And just like that I’m dismissed and she goes right back to talking on the phone, making sure to complain about me interrupting her. What a b***h.

“Hey Blaze, would you like juice or water? I also have apple slices and gold fish crackers.” His eyes go wide again in awe at the goodies in my hands. His little chubby fingers point to the juice but he isn’t sure about the snacks. He starts to look worried. “You can have both little one. We have plenty more.” That earns me a great big smile as I hand him the apple slices and crackers. “Thank you.” He says still in awe. His reaction breaks me even more. He’s so precious and fragile. He looked at the snacks like he never seen them before. My kids dig in and go to town not noticing his reaction. I scoot over and sit closer to Blaze. He eats his slowly like he is savoring the flavors. “How old are you Blaze?” I ask. He holds up four little fingers. “Oh wow! You are the same age as Poppy.” I smile. “Aiden, Carter and Greyson are five.” He takes another bite of an apple. I want to ask more questions to figure out this baby boy’s life but I’m not sure how without sounding like a creep. “Your mommy and daddy work a lot?” He shrugs his shoulders but I see defeat and loneliness in his eyes when he looks up at me for a split second. No four year old should ever have that look in their innocent eyes. I don’t push anymore and change the topic to something fun as they all eat. Even though I know what my kids would say I sort of play the 20 questions game like favorite ice cream flavor, color and animal. I keep it light and entertaining earning giggle from everyone, including Blaze. He matched his answer word for word with Poppy’s favorite things. A sick feeling deep in my gut appears. How can this child’s spirit be broken already. I want to hold him and cry. He has the same look I had once upon a time ago. It kills me seeing it in him at such a young age. 

“So like, you’re good with kids?” The woman walks up to the sand pit. “I’d like to think so. My kids are happy.” I answer her abrupt question. “Yea, you look like you had kids.” She eyes me up and down. Before I could speak she does again. “Something came up, can you take Blaze?” She asks but its not really a question. And I would gladly take Blaze and give him a loving home I think to myself. I’m about to question her sanity but think better of it. “Sure. But we are leaving here to go back home soon.” She dismisses me again. “That’s fine.” She turns to Blaze and gives him the most attention I seen her give today. “Come kiss momma.” She bends down and her boobs are trying to spill out of her dress. Blaze smiles a genuine smile and goes to stand up when she stops him “Oh, you’re dirty. Nevermind.” She dismisses him just like that. “Hold up, can I have your name and number in case of a emergency?” I ask in disbelief. “Oh yeah.” She spews out her name, Gina and her number. I scramble to get to my phone out and take it down. I text her mine before she take off again. “Does he have a booster seat or anything?” She sighs heavily again. “I’ll leave it on your hood.” She rolls her eyes. “It’s the big blue SUV.” I point and she nods before scurrying off. “Blaze, sweetie, does she leave you a lot?” I ask quietly. He nods his head. “With strangers?” He looks up at me with teary eyes. “Sometimes.” He whispers. I don’t hold back any longer. “You are safe with us, sweet boy. These guys will love to have you over. We will have lots of fun today. I promise.” That earns me a smile and a hug.

…

So far so good, everyone is sitting up at the island and eating their happy meals. Poppy has been talking Blaze’s ears off the whole time. Any of the boys can’t get a word in. I really hope we can actually schedule play dates with Blaze. If his mom cannot give him the time of day, my family will. His mother just doesn’t sit well with me. “Mommy, can we call daddy?” Aiden asks. He’s trying real hard to join in on the fun. “I’m sorry baby but daddy is in a meeting but I’ll text him to see if he can call after. Okay?” I cup his sweet little cheek. He just nods and continues eating his french fries. I pick up my phone and send him a message.

Becs: Hey handsome, can you call us after your meeting?

It’s a few minutes before he responds.

HandsomeBoy: Definitely babe.

I leave it at that so he doesn’t lose focus. Kids are almost done eating but Aiden just can’t seem to lighten up. I think its time for a dance party. I turn on the radio to the oldies channel that plays music from the 50s. The kids love it. And I love it because I try to do it before nap time. Poppy lights up. “Come on Blaze! Dance!” She giggles pulling at his arm. Carter and Greyson jump down and start hopping all over the place as Poppy and Blaze spin in circles. “Aiden, dance with me.” I pick him up off his chair and spin with him in my arms before setting him down. He laughs so I’m heading in the right direction to change his mood. I do all sort of goofy moves to make the kids laugh and they begin to mimic my dance. Aiden is full of laughter and Blaze is loosening up and becoming more comfortable as the day goes on. After 30 minutes of dancing we slow down and one by one each child fights back a yawn.

“How about we go downstairs and get comfy on the bean bags so I can read you a story?” Each nod and follow me down the steps. “Okay, everyone pull up a bean bag and gather around the recliner.” Blaze follows everyone’s lead and picks out a bean bag and places it real close to the recliner. As they get situated I grab a stack of little blankets I keep down here just for story time/nap time. I cover each one and begin the story. Just like the yawns, one by one they fall asleep before I even get halfway through the story. But Blaze is still up and completely enthralled in the fairytale. “You want to sit on my lap? I’ll keep reading for you.” I smile gently at the little boy. He nods and climbs up on my lap with his blanket. Before I can start reading he looks up at me. “Can I stay here?” He whispers. Once again, my heart breaks even more. “Sweetie, you can stay here any time you want. I will talk to your mommy and schedule lots of play dates.” I know that’s not what he means. I feel his craving to be loved and cared for. Yeah, he looks healthy and has on nice clothes but he isn’t getting the maternal love he needs. I would keep him forever if I could. “Okay.” He tries to smile. “My mommy is in heaven. But daddy wants me to call Gina, mommy. I don’t want to.” His big beautiful chocolate eyes stare right into my soul. There is a lot to unpack here. “You are so precious, Blaze. You know my daddy is in heaven too. I bet he and your mommy are friends. I know she loves you very much.” I hug him tight and kiss his forehead. “Can I call you mommy?” I do everything I can to keep it together. “Oh baby boy.” I sigh lightly. I would love nothing more. “How about calling me Becca? Only those special to me get to call me that.” His eyes goes wide with excitement and he smiles big. “Becca.” He hugs me and I feel his smile against my shoulder. He cozies into me and I begin reading again. A few minutes later, he loses his battle with sleep. He curls into me and clings to my shirt as his head rests against my chest. I lose my battle with the tears I’ve been holding back. I silently cry over this child when my phone buzzes. I quickly answer it so no one wakes up. Ben’s face appears on the screen. “Do we have a 5th child  I don’t know about?” He chuckles softly. If I only I had my way. I let out a exasperated laugh. He raises his gaze from Blaze to me. “Baby, what’s wrong?” His happy expression turn serious and intense. I slowly shake my head. “I’ll tell you later.”  I wipe away my tears and kiss the top of Blaze’s head. Ben’s expression softens. “What’s his name?” He asks. “This sweet boy is named Blaze. He’s Poppy’s age.” Ben nods and just looks at me in silence for a few long moments. “I should be there. I’m coming home.” The serious look reappears. “No, Ben. Everything is okay. I’m okay.” He sighs. “I hate this Becs. I should be there helping you.”  Ben is getting upset but before I could respond Aiden must have woke up to Ben’s voice. “Is that daddy?” He asks sleepily. “It sure is baby. Come say hi.” Ben and Aiden talk for a few minutes as everyone else still naps. “I got to go buddy. I’ll try to call this evening again. I have another meeting to go into.” Aiden reluctantly says his goodbyes and hands the phone back to me. Miraculously he lays back down and goes to sleep. “We are talking about this tonight, Rebecca.” He says. I hate that my tears effect him this way. “I know, Ben. But don’t worry about us. We are having a good day.” I try to give him my best smile but I know he sees right through it. “Okay, baby doll. I love you. I’ll talk to the rest of the kids this evening.” Blaze cuddles into me even more as Ben watches. A smile graces his lips. “You’re the best person I know.” I smile in response. “I love you.” With that we end our call. He hasn’t been gone a full day yet and it feels like eternity. This is definitely going to be a long week.