Watercolor Girl

17

Evie

“Will you tell me things about you? You always ask questions about me.”

“My life is boring compared to yours. I grew up in the pack house because my dad was the beta. I’m the last son of his two pups, and I was always a bitter disappointment. Where my brother was big and strong and naturally skilled in so many things I never really was. I was always skinny, relatively weak, not particularly fast or agile, it’s always felt like my body couldn’t get out of it’s own way. I spent years getting the ever living crap kicked out of me by my brother in an absolutely futile attempt to make me a better warrior or even just useful. I was never allowed to train because my dad said I’d embarrass the family name. All I had was the bigger wolf and that always bothered the both of them. Regardless of my size even in my wolf form, I was still never a challenge for my brother, so my dad kind of, used me as a bait dog for him. I didn’t have a particularly bad puphood or anything, I just always kind of grew up in the shadow of him. I’m not competitive so I never cared really. Actually, to be completely honest, I planned on leaving the pack when I turned 17. I wanted to be a Rea of sorts. When I first got my license and bought my truck I went out to the human territories a few times, I liked the ambiguity of it. I liked that you could disappear and not be bothered by anyone instead of having a constant line of communication in your head. I guess I’ve never really been a team player, which makes the whole beta thing kind of a sick joke, I hate the pack and being responsible for it is almost akin to my worst nightmare. I bought this place entirely planning on denouncing my loyalty after I got it renovated.”

“Why didn’t you.”

“The only answer I have for that is possibly you. I had gone into the alpha’s office one day, ready to do it and get it over with. I can’t figure out why I didn’t. It’s like I froze. The words wouldn’t come out.”

“So you own this?”

“Yep. It’s mine. Paid cash for it and did all the renovations myself. Had to learn a lot of building codes and regulations but in the end it wasn’t too bad.”

“I love it here.”

“I’m glad, little one. It’s yours.”

“Have you ever been here with anyone else?”

“Yes.”

“Who?”

“Three other she wolves. Ravyn, Bryn and another named Silver.” A quiet crept into the conversation. “I was lonely, Evie, but at the end of it all no matter how hard I tried to satiate it, and when it came down to the moment, having s*x with something just to not be lonely never really felt right and I failed to perform,” he looked mildly embarrassed at this confession, averting his eyes from mine, “I guess. I slept in the same bed as Bryn and Silver, never Rayvn. I came close with Silver but the things I needed she wasn’t interested in.”

“The things you needed?”

“It felt like just s*x. I needed there to be… affection in some way. Or maybe it’s intimacy. She didn’t want to be held, or kissed. She didn’t want anything like that, which is maybe why I brought her here in the first place. Maybe that was my hope, that it could just be s*x but in the moments where I had to actually reciprocate I couldn’t do it. And I mean that, you’re the first wolf I’ve ever kissed, like that, there’s never been any part of me in anyone else’s orifices if that makes sense. I didn’t lie to you about that.” He searched my face to see if I believed him, which I did. “I didn’t like the nature of it or find anything about any of them enjoyable regarding being with them. Bryn was similar in a way, but she didn’t push at all, she slept with me, in a bed, and was perfectly fine with it just being that and not moving my hands places, or telling me she was wet, or trying to get me hard. Rayvn spent the entire night telling me about the wolves she’d already done whatever with and rating their ability to get her off on a scale of one to ten, which I have officially scored a negative 15 on, by the way.”

“Yeah it’s funny you should mention that.” He looked up at me, his confusion evident.

“Why?”

“Because she’s here.”

Rayvn

I knew exactly where he was, he wasn’t going to ignore me and send me some idiotic response about being done with me. Especially since I’m now being sent to some satellite outpost in goddess knows where. He and his she b***h we’re going to answer me and I was going to make damn sure he did and that she knew what he’d done with me just days after he mated her. Lev was mine, he had always been mine. If he wouldn’t communicate with me in a rational way, fine, I’ll make it irrational but I was not going to be ignored. When I pulled up the drive I saw his truck and had the immediate desire to drive into the side of it, although I refrained and parked next to it instead. His driveway had two designated spots. When I got out I stood for a second looking into his truck, kept meticulously clean as usual. Boys and their stupid vehicles. I had spent more time in that passenger’s seat then anyone else and I considered it mine. I walked up, the entire lower level of the house was essentially a window and I could see them sitting on the couch which faced in the other direction looking out into the woods surrounding this very secluded little spot Lev had built for his pathetic attempts at bedding females. I heard the stories from the others who had been here and at the very least I had far greater success adding his name to my list of conquests. He couldn’t even get it up for them. When his head turned in my direction, it was slow and the anger in his eyes cut through me like a blade enchanted with hell’s hottest flames, white and burning, there was hatred there. I’d never seen so much hatred or anger from Lev, it pushed me back a few steps, as I watched him slowly get up, shirtless and lean before walking quickly to the door. His mate standing just in front of the couch looking unphased and unbothered by my presence, her eyes followed Lev, but ignored mine, burning holes into her.

“Why?” He said opening the door, I looked up at him, up, he was massive, filling almost the entire opening of the door, only inches allowance between his head and the top of the door frame, if even that. I stuttered, having lost most of my resolve by the unexpected change in his physical appearance, he had grown, massively in height.

“You’re ignoring me.”

“I told you I was done, and asked you repeatedly, politely, to go away. I told you, repeatedly, politely, that I found my mate.” My eyes moved to his spot and I saw her mark, along with a giant tattoo that obviously depicted her. It made me angry, so angry that she would be etched into his flesh permanently, and I moved to put my hand on his chest but without having noticed at all that she must have moved closer, my wrist was in her hand, this time her eyes burning into me, pushing me back another step.

“No I don’t think so.” She spoke firmly but without the edge that Lev’s voice carried. “You will keep your hands to yourself.” She had grown, she wasn’t big now but she was taller, her body more proportionate, tattoos wrapped around her arm, her neck, I could see bits of one, poking from the shirt she wore, on her chest. Where had this thing come from? She pushed my arm back a little more before opening her hand and releasing my wrist. “If you can be civil, you can come in, and we’ll hear you. Otherwise, leave.” Lev stood back a bit smiling at her, his canines looking like true fangs and a pang of jealousy found my gut, he’d never looked at me like that.

“Fine. There are things you should know about what he’s done that affect you too.” I said pushing myself past her and walking through the door. I looked around quickly, it hadn’t been finished when I was here, but it was beautiful. Lev stood beside her watching me, shutting the door slowly and I knew they were linking, which made me angry, I had tried several times to link him on my way here and got nothing. He had blocked me out somehow but was open to her.

“What?” He hissed again.

“Well I think if you’re gonna have me banished to some remote outpost I deserve an explanation.”

“I’m not having you banished anywhere.” Hi voice was flat and lacked total emotion.

“He’s right. I am.” And when my eyes flashed to her, her eyes were black, fixed on me but unreadable, just black expressionless voids. Lev looked at her surprised for just a fleeting moment, before looking at me, in my surprise. I was actually afraid to argue with whatever it was that had spoken at me in a raspier more cutting clipped voice. “You came here to speak, so speak.”

I suddenly didn’t want to. I didn’t want to speak to whatever that was. I looked up at Lev almost pleading, but he offered me nothing. Nothing at all.

“I’m losing my patience.” She spoke at me again and Lev put a hand on her shoulder, then moved it to her cheek, she nuzzled her face against his hand and I was enraged again.

“Do you even know what he did with me?” The voids that were her eyes turned to me.

“What, what exactly did he do with you, she wolf?” She started moving towards me slowly and I was finding myself uncomfortable and nervous. Her wolf was obviously not amused by any of this and I hadn’t expected the imposing presence that would be. I had trained with the pack and could hold my own well, but I didn’t feel like I could hold a candle to whatever it was this was bringing to the fight, the feeling of being lifted off my feet and my back slamming into the ground flooded my head, and that wasn’t even her wolf. I had made a mistake coming here. And now I just wanted to leave.

“Nothing. I should go.” I made the slightest movement towards the door but she was in front of me, almost eye level with her black sightless eyes.

“No I want to know.”

“Tell her, Rayvn, isn’t that why you came here? You have her attention, isn’t that what you wanted.” Lev’s voice cut through the tension and I suddenly hated him as much as I feared whatever it was standing in front of me.

“He… wasn’t…”

“He wasn’t what?” She spit out before I could finish my sentence.

“He f****d me. Alright?!” Her voids never left me, burning into my soul, she got closer to me face.

“Tell me how that happened.”

“He put his..”

“Did he?” She cut me off again. “Or did he tell you to stop? Was it before or after he pushed you off of him?” I could only stare and stammer unintelligible sounds. “Do you know what that feels like? Do you know what it feels like to say no over and over and not be heard? Do you know what that’s called?” Her voice was barely a voice so much as it was a whisper on the air. Lev had moved behind her, wrapping an arm around her stomach under her shirt.

“I didn’t…”

“But you did, didn’t you. Isn’t that what it is when someone says no over and over?”

“Lev.” I looked up at him searching and pleading for help but he offered me nothing.

“Do you want to know how it feels?” She grabbed my wrist and an ocean of pain overtook me, twisting and rolling inside of me. I couldn’t breathe, and my legs buckled underneath me, but she held me there, too strong for her size, I whimpered and yelped with each passing wave of pain that ran through me. And just as quickly as it started, she released my wrist and I collapsed in a heap onto the rough wooden floor of a place I never should have been.

“I’m so sorry.” I gasped out looking up to Lev tears streaming that I didn’t even realize had started.

“Apology accepted. Now leave, Rayvn.” I got up and I sprinted to the door, running as fast as I could to my car, unable to escape the ache that had taken up space in my gut. I sat for just a minute in my car hysterical tears falling, the kind of crying that makes it hard to breathe. I didn’t look back at them, I couldn’t muster even a glance in their direction. Driving as fast as I could out and away.

Lev

I trusted Nox enough not to kill her, but not enough to think she wouldn’t hurt her. In most cases I would feel sorry for Rayvn, but that never came to me. All I could feel was Nox and Evie’s anger. I could feel when Nox emerged because her anger far exceeded Evie’s. When she got really in Ravyn’s face, I grabbed her around her waist, running my hand into her shirt so any minimal calming affect I might have right now ran through Nox and also so if she lashed out I had control of her, Til had reached to me and asked me to make sure I had physical contact with his mate as well. It was difficult to hear Nox speak about the situation as it was, and I felt bad for creating it. I still felt bad about all of it, and it didn’t matter what Evie said or how gracefully she has forgiven me and accepted it as merely a speed bump, I knew that I had allowed the situation to be what it had become. Nox could be fierce, and I found her to be exceptionally beautiful in this moment. There wasn’t an ounce of her that was out of control, I could feel her calculating and shifting for the maximum impact, but what I didn’t plan for was when she grabbed Rayvn’s arm, Rayvn reacted like she’d been grabbed by a high voltage electric fence. Freezing up her face contorting strangely before falling to the ground in a heap of pitiful sobs. She had looked to me for help at one point, but she’d gotten herself into this by showing up here. I’d asked her to leave me and my mate alone, and I genuinely didn’t believe that Nox would seriously hurt her.

Her apology surprised me. The sincerity of it, really. Nox could probably scare anyone into saying anything she wanted, she had absolutely mastered controlling other people’s personal space, that tactic worked well and her eyes gave away so little it made it feel even more uncomfortable when she did it. She was a fierce little thing, and I loved that part of her. But Rayvn had meant her apology. It wasn’t said to simply escape from Nox. I pondered that for a moment, watching her car fly out of my driveway and hearing the screaming tires as she fled back to whatever safety she thought she had. When I looked back expecting Evie, I still had Nox, who was staring at me with a tilted head.

“How do you feel, mate?”

“Fine, Nox. How do you feel?”

“Much better.”

“What did you do when you grabbed her? Why did she react like that?”

“I gave her back what she gave you.”

“What?”

“Does it hurt anymore?” I wasn’t sure what she meant, but when I thought about Rayvn the shame didn’t rise into my throat like it had before. “I can’t give her your guilt, that is yours. But I gave her back her pain.” And with a few blinks my little Evie was back, a strange smile on her face.

“I feel much better now. I’m sure she won’t bother again.”

Evie, what did Nox mean?”

“Nox can do so many things that I don’t understand completely. You might have a better shot at asking Til. Nox prefers to be a mystery, Til might be more forthcoming.”

“I won’t tell our secrets.” - “I just need to know what she did.” - “Nox told you. She gave her back her pain.” - “that doesn’t make sense.” - “do you hurt anymore?” And I could say I honestly felt no pain thinking about the events that had transpired that day. There was nothing except what I felt when I thought about kissing Rayvn, or when I had sucked her n*****s or kissed along her stomach with her a** in my hands. Those things I felt, and it wasn’t pain, not my own anyway, but very little else. “Nox did what she told you.” And he receded back just like that.

“Evie, what are we?”

“I don’t know, my love, but I know that we’re not alone anymore and that’s good enough for me.”

“Can I ask you something?”

“Anything love, I can’t imagine you asking anything more personal then anything else you’ve already probed at.” She was incredibly accurate in that statement. I’d peeled up the boards on her r**e, the traumas of her childhood, asked for more information then she wanted to give on her line selling ordeal, but this was different. She was standing with her arms wrapped around my waist, her cheek pressed to my chest.

“Alexa, play heroin, by Badflower” she looks at me relatively confused until the music started. Then the biggest smile I’ve ever seen crossed her face. “Evie, it’s like I built this place for you. Every little detail. A lot of it I didn’t understand when I did it, but I understand it all now.”

“That’s not a question my love.” She swayed some to the music, I guessed she liked this band because she knew the song that came on in the bar. I hummed to her, in a weird sort of a half dance motion.

“She’s in my bed again

She marks her fingerprints in my skin

I breathe her perfume in

And it burns like heroin”

I sang into her ear. Comfort came over me and I think for the first time since I’d been here, Evie was happy.

“My bones are caving in

She stole my faith again

I wish you well

For the night…”

“Alexa, Play Spirit Desire by Tiger Jaw”. I didn’t know this song but I didn’t care, she pulled me to her, I followed her hips, she closed her eyes, a weird little smile crossed her lips and she did her best to show me how to dance, which I had never done, not once, in my entire life, she sang to me.

“I feel reborn when you touch my arm

Whole new view, feels better when I talk to you…

Riding it through the night, straight through…

…I get scared you'll leave me soon

Even though we call each other every afternoon

It's true, it's true

It took a little time but I know you

I’m not bored at all

You can call me when you wanna call…

know that you will always be the one who's my

Spirit desire

Spend my time

Tell me that you're always going to be my life…”

Evie spoke to me through her songs and I think I leaned more about her in the moments I spent probably making a fool of myself then I had in the days I had spent asking her 1000 questions about herself. Evie was music, watching her dance around a huge open floor plan that was built for this purpose. Evie was my song, she was the creative to my rational, the wild to my tame the window that opened and let the light in, she was showing me a side of life I hadn’t known existed.

“Alexa play Rearrange by Biffy Clyro.”

“I've got a lot of rage

And I'm struggling with ways to control it

When I wake in the morning

I've forgotten what it is to cope

I scratch at my eyes

And it renders me vision-less

Even in the dark

What I want isn't what I need

Cause I would never break your heart

I would only rearrange

All the other working parts, will stay in place

Listen to me when I say

‘Darling you're my everything’

I didn't mean to hesitate

Please stay with me

With me...”.

Her tiny voice the night we felt the sparks came into my head, “Stay.” I pressed my face into her hair as we swayed, holding her tight in my arms and wanting to hold onto this moment forever. “Alexa play Heartbeats by José González, and I sang to her.

“One night to be confused

One night to speed up truth

We had a promise, babe

Four hands and then away

Both under influence

We had divine sense

To know what to say

Mind is a razor blade…

And you

You knew the hand of the devil

And you

Kept us awake with wolves teeth

Sharing different heartbeats

In one night…”

Her mouth found mine, as a new song started, one neither of us asked for.

“We were victims of the night

The chemical, physical, kryptonite

Helpless to the bass and the fading light

Oh, we were bound to get together

Bound to get together

She took my arm

I don't know how it happened

We took the floor and she said

Oh don't you dare look back

Just keep your eyes on me

I said you're holding back

She said shut up and dance with me

This woman is my destiny

She said oh oh

Shut up and dance with me…”

I don’t think there was a more perfect song for the moment.

“Evangeline Vesper Nightclaw, fierce warrior and pariah of the Storm Solstice Pack, will you be my wife?” I whispered in her ear, she looked up and searched my eyes for just a fleeting second.

“In every life we live.”

I picked her up and brought her upstairs, her mouth never left mine, and our bodies merged, very much as one in those moments as the soul we shared.