Watercolor Girl

16

Evangeline

When I walked out of the bathroom Lev’s face was in his phone. I stood there for a minute watching him before he started furiously pecking at his phone screen. I walked back and sat in the booth across from him. He didn’t notice me in the slightest. I put my hands on the table, and watched his eyes. He flung his phone down, almost onto my hands, jumping back when he looked up and I was sitting there, he rolled his eyes, I dropped my block down, he shrunk down in his seat, reaching for my hand, which I pulled back. The waitress who had been flirting with him all night brought our food out, never acknowledging me, trying her hardest to drag small talk out of Lev. She put my burger down in front of me, I picked it up immediately and started eating. Chewing slowly, taking small bites, staring at the inside of my burger and squeezing the egg so the yolk leaked out.

“Evangeline.”

“Yeah.” I said between small bites.

“It isn’t, anything.”

“Ok. How’s your burger? Mine’s great.”

“It’s good.”

“Good.” The waitress came back

“Can I get 2 more double jacks please. Then you can cash me out, if you don’t mind.” I threw my card down. Lev’s eyebrows knitted and he made a face.

“Sure.”

“Thank you.” She brought back the two doubles putting one in front of me and one in front of Lev, I grabbed them both and threw them back one at a time, signed the slip, leaving her a grossly gratuitous tip, and gathered myself making sure I had my cards. I got up and sauntered out.

Lev trailing behind. I looked up at him.

“Feel better?” He didn’t look at me and he didn’t answer. “Home, then?”

“Sure.” We got in the truck, and again he starts driving, back the short drive down the mountain.

“When I turned 17. The day I turned 17.”

“What.”

“You demanded to know when. I told you I’d tell you after we ate. So now you know.”

“So.”

“Yep. Right on.”

“Why are you being so short?”

“I’m not, I’m just being quiet. Does this thing have a radio?” He turned up the volume that had previously been set to 0. We drove the rest of the way with a heavy silence set between us.

Lev

I didn’t feel any anger from her, just hurt. I wasn’t really sure how to satiate that. When we got home she gathered up bags, bringing them to the door and waiting for me to follow. It was late now.

“Thank you for dinner.”

“You’re welcome.”

“You didn’t have to.”

“I know.”

“Ok.” She dumped the bags on the couch, folding and separating mine from hers, when she was done. Two little piles sat on the couch, she grabbed hers, bringing it upstairs and placing it into her bag. I brought mine up and put it in the closet.

“Thank you.”

“You’re welcome.”

“Are you angry?”

“Do I feel angry?”

“No.”

“Then I’m not.”

“Ok”. She shimmied out of her pants and laid down as far to one side as she could get with her back to the center. The hurt pitted in my stomach. I stripped down to my underwear and laid down, she looked far away in this ocean of a bed, I closed the distance and wrapped my arm around her, finding her small hand and covering it in mine. My body pressed to her, my face by her neck so I could breathe her in.

“I’ve never been in a relationship before, Evie, I’m doing my best to figure it out.”

“I know.” There was a long pause before she continues, “Why are you still entertaining her? Why, despite what she did, are you still bothering with it?”

“I don’t like the conflict. I just want her to go away. I keep telling myself if I tell her enough she’ll stop.”

“It doesn’t make me feel better about it when it feels like you hide it.”

“I’m not hiding it because there’s anything to hide, I’m hiding it because it hurts you and I don’t want to do that. It’s a convoluted attempt to protect you, I guess.”

“But what is it you think hurts me about it? Obviously there is history between you. I naturally want to believe what you tell me in regards to your relationships with anyone, not just her, but you’re making it somewhat hard when I feel like everything you do, you keep separate from everything you do with me.”

“Evie you have an entire life outside of what I know about you. Multiple lives. I can’t even keep all your names straight.”

“They’re all derivatives of Evangeline.”

“Evie, you haven’t lived a life that compares remotely to mine. It’s intimidating and it’s scary feeling like anything I have to offer will bore you. Add trying to navigate Rayvn who’s doing her best to come between you and me in any way she possibly can, add the craziness going on out in the territory that scares the heck out of me, but you seem entirely unphased by.”

“I’m not here to be entertained or to entertain, Lev. We’re not circus elephants to be used and then sheltered alone with nothing but our own thoughts while we crave a connection to something that is our right to be connected with. You’re trying to navigate Ravyn on your own. You’re assuming I’ll be bored, you’re assuming all the Wolfsbane out there and the implications of it don’t scare me. I grew up being forced to hide. I hid at home when I was a pup, I hid what happened at home when I was a pup, when Nox emerged I hid her to a certain extent. I hid from the pack, I did a terribly bad job of hiding from you when we realized the sparks, despite that failure I have a pretty good track record of hiding myself and my emotions and feelings very well. Just because you don’t see it on the outside doesn’t mean I’m not cowering in the corner inside myself. Let me be a part of you. Let me decide what I can handle and if it hurts me it hurts me, I’ll hurt you in the course of our lifetime, it’s just the nature of it, no one is perfect all the time. But at least I give you the information to do with it what you will. You don’t even give me that.” I sat thoughtful for several minutes.

“Evie you block me at will. You completely censor what emotions and feelings you allow me to know you’re feeling. How is that not doing the same thing that I’m doing with Ravyn in a more complex and somewhat more manipulative manner? I don’t want Ravyn in our life. I don’t. But you only let me into yours on your terms. I’m sure you could call what I’ve done deceit by omission but I’ve never really felt fear come from you. If you’re feeling that then why am I not and isn’t that the same thing?” And it was her turn to think. Mulling it over for a while before speaking.

“Yes. It is. And I’m sorry. I’m not good at sharing that.”

“We’re both learning, little one, neither of us have very much experience relying on others or trusting others with our own vulnerabilities. But you have to try and let me decide what of you is or isn’t too much, you don’t get to decided that for me, and I shouldn’t get to decide that for you .” I snuggled into her tighter.

“Forgive me? I’ll stop censoring them, I promise. From this moment forward.”

“I forgive you. On one very important condition.” I rolled on top of her, looking into her eyes with the most serious face I could muster.

“What?”

“You let me go down on you for dessert.”

“I guess.” Heavy sarcasm, but I’d already made my way down to her stomach, and she was already translating waves of arousal.

Evie

“You know you’re really very good at that.” I said to him trying to catch my breath and piece together words, he crawled back up to my side.

“If you say so.”

“Reciprocate?” I asked still not entirely back in my head enough to form a more seductive way of asking if he wanted his too. He kissed me, I could taste myself, this seemed to be one of his things, he seemed to enjoy that knowledge. I didn’t mind, if it turned him on then naturally it turned me on, which he didn’t seem to have a hard time doing, all he had to do was look at me. I really should just live in the gutter.

He rolled me over quickly so I was straddling his stomach, he shifted me enough and inserted himself into me sending another wave of stupid through me. His hand came to my face and brought my eyes to his, which were dark and determined, “Yes.” He growled out.

“Oh f**k.” There was a definite change there, considering he had grown 5 damn inches in height I guess it made sense the rest of him grew to keep him proportionate, but mother goddess, this wasn’t remotely fair and why hadn’t I noticed before? He started laughing, pulling his arms around me.

“You don’t hate it do you?” NOX!!!! Stay out of my s*x life, knowing she had mentioned precisely why my reaction to him was as such.

I shook my head, struggling to find words, he rolled me over again, pulling one of my knees up and pushing it out and away to give himself a little more room for his hips, he started to thrust into me and I think I met the goddess herself. I almost screamed and a string of obscenities escaped my mouth. Lev literally laughed, this is not the time for humor Lev I’m literally meeting my god.

“So you do have a voice?” He whispered into my ear, biting gently at my collarbone, oh please don’t bite that, you’ll induce a coma.

“Mm hmm” is all I could force before I rolled him over, bringing him to his own, and myself to another.”

••••••••••••••

Lev

It was early morning hours, we had gone back and forth the rest of the night. She was insatiable, but I loved knowing that she was insatiable for me and no one else. I think with Nox and Til mating whatever last things that needed to happen to put Evie and I on a more equal playing field sexually had happened, before I really was a dissatisfying disappointment, not that I couldn’t fulfill her needs other ways, but I really could not hold it together for even 2 minutes when I was inside of her. I found that to be less of a problem now, although I still wasn’t completely happy with my own longevity, I was happier. It felt like Evie almost preferred the foreplay to the actual s*x anyway so maybe this is just one of the ways we were made perfectly for each other.

She was on her back, looking out the skylight at the fading stars. Drawing little invisible pictures on my shoulder.

“Can I see your tattoo now?” I had actually forgotten about it entirely. The sticky second skin stuff still on it, oh well. Im sure it didn’t hurt it to keep it on a bit longer.

“Yeah, hold on.” I got up stumbling to the bathroom, the ink that rejected as it healed had blackened underneath it so you couldn’t see what it actually was. I peeled off the stuff and then cleaned it off, examining it myself. It was stunning. Rea really was a master of her art. Rea. I needed to talk to Evie about her, Til had called her a wolf but Evie said she wasn’t I think. It had to be discussed, but later. I moved back in and laid with my mate, she rolled towards me away from the sky, her eyes finding it, softening, and tearing up just slightly.

“Is that how you see me?”

“My fierce little warrior, beautiful, selfless, and brilliant? Yes little one that is how I see you. Even the darkest parts of you are beautiful to me.”

“When you shifted, did you notice a difference?”

“In what way?”

“Any way.”

“I didn’t notice much, I shifted to rid myself of the horrors and pains of pants that are too small, so it was quick and then back.”

“We should go shift.”

“Why?”

“If you’ve changed, and Ive changed, why wouldn’t Nox and Til have changed at all? It was their mating apparently that triggered a weird and insane growth spurt.” I hadn’t really thought about it but she had a point.

“Well, you’ve convinced me, and since I’m already naked, it’s really the best time anyway I said kicking myself up and out of bed. She dragged herself a few steps behind. Her legs still not 100%, I had done well.

I walked out the back door butt naked, Evie, also naked was more hesitant.

“My love we have no neighbors. It’s ok.” Either of us would be able to smell it or anyone were within miles. But just the scents of the mountain permeated. I trotted off into the woods and came back in Til’s form. Evie had a smug smirk.

“Alpha is gonna lose it, you’re bigger then he is, I guarantee it. Can you let Til have it?” I receded handing Til his own form. Evie’s voice filled the black space that was the background. “His eyes changed. His eyes are the same as Nox’s. My mate, my love, we really are the last of our kind.”

Her reference to her tattoo warmed me, and I’m not sure why. When she had asked me, it was the only thing that came to my mind when everything else went blank, so I scribbled ‘We are the last of our kind.’ Across her chest in blue ink.

“I wanna see!!!” I chirped, bouncing around and wagging my tail and whining like a pup.

“I can show you in human form with your phone if you want.” I shifted almost immediately, she looked away, she obviously didn’t care for those transitions.

“How?” She walked inside I followed, watching the slight bounce of her bum as she walked, she turned and was in my face nearly before I comprehend her moving at all.

“Lev you horny thing you’ve had me on my back for hours, don’t you dare start with the hands and the mouth and the looking at me.”

“The looking at you? Is that all it takes because if it is I’m working way harder then I have to.” I said stepping up to her, her eyes looking up into mine, her thin lip in her teeth.

“STOP IT.” I could smell her, and yes that’s all it really took. My ego inflated a bit. She bent to pick up my phone from the spot on the couch I’d left it while she was folding my clothes last night. And I grabbed her hips, pulling them to me and whispering in her ear.

“But I haven’t had you on your belly at all.” Her hand came back around my neck, her head turned and she kissed my cheek gently, I felt her full round bottom pressing back against my hips. She whispered in my ear.

“Any way you want it it’s yours. AFTER, I do this.” I eased up giving her my most pitiful pouty face.

“That wasn’t fair.”

“I told you not to with your magical, magnetic s*x eyes.” I laughed, I adored her sarcastic sense of humor, and the way she smelled right now. Why am I like this I’ve never been so sexually driven in my life. I almost felt bad about it right now, she had been on her back for hours and I wanted more from her, but she wanted it too I could tell, STOP, I roared in my own head.

“Come here hornball.” She said, pushing me down onto the couch, and sitting in my lap, this was not helping my current one track mind issue. “Look.” She had the camera up and took a selfie, then handed me the phone and got up, trotting up the stairs before saying anything. It wasn’t a particularly great picture of us, we were both obviously naked and had been for awhile, for one, although nothing could be seen, what was different about this picture is that both of our eyes were black, like Nox’s, a matte black, It was actually horrifying via picture, our eye sockets just looked empty. I took a few more of myself, in every single one, black eyes.

“So this is like, permanent?”

“As far as I know. It’s how it’s been since my first shift with Nox, so if you ever think you’re ending up in someone’s picture, close your eyes.” Rea’s portfolio of flesh moved through my head, Evie’s closed eyes. “I don’t know why, Lev. I really don’t.” She was moving to the shower, she couldn’t quite reach to turn the water on, so I leaned over her and did it for her, her body briefly pressed against mine. She took in a deep breath.

“AND I’M THE HORNBALL?!”

“I can’t help it I love the way you smell.”

“How do you think the way you smell right now makes me feel?”

“Like we’re both in dire need of a cold shower.” She said pulling me into the absolutely frigid water, that worked, we both gasped to take in air after the brief shock of the cold, she laughed adorably, and I couldn’t help but laugh with her. As the water warmed and I washed her hair, as had become my habit when showering with her, and without the all consuming haze of wanting her intimacy, other thoughts started to flood my head that maybe had waited way too long to surface.

“Evie. Did your dad sell your bloodline?”

“Yes.”

“And it was collected?”

“Yes.”

“But it didn’t take?”

“No.”

“Once?”

“Thrice.”

“Why didn’t you tell anyone?”

“Because as much as everyone hated what my dad became, I didn’t. He’s all I knew when I was a pup. I never wanted him to be in trouble, and I was groomed as a pup, that as a she wolf my purpose was to produce for the sake of the bloodline. So it wasn’t a surprise to me when I turned 17.” It actually made me sick to hear her speaking of herself like she was nothing more then a vice or a tool to be sold and loaned out for the singular purpose of producing pups with a specific bloodline. The only benefit to being a wolf in these circumstances is that they can’t physically produce pups until 17, which is our legal age of adulthood, so younger pups thankfully don’t generally have any marketable value. Selling a bloodline is a vile thing to consider, and occasionally I’ve heard of mates selling off bloodlines of their mates, but a sire selling his pup is abhorrent.

“Is that the worst thing he ever did to you?”

“I think so.” She was rinsing my hair, standing on her toes to reach the top of my head which came dangerously close to the shower heads now. I’m glad when I modified this place to fit wolves I had given myself so much extra room, or I now wouldn’t fit comfortably anywhere. “He wasn’t a very nice wolf, and he did other things that most would frown upon, but of all the kind of abnormal things he did, for me that was the worst.”

“Is it true he treated you like a dog?”

“What is that supposed to mean?”

“When I was younger I heard my brother and Ciaran talking once about the wolf who was made to sleep outside in their backyard. I can’t imagine it would be anyone else considering.”

“I mostly chose that. And it only happened a few times. I think despite me being a she, he still wanted a male. He never let off my mother. Sometimes it was easier just to not be in there. But once I’d reached the age to shift and had learned how to control it, if I left the property outside of school hours I was to wear a lock collar. I think he knew that keeping Nox a secret was important. But I can’t say for sure. Either way, yes I did sleep outside, but it wasn’t forced by any means.”

“How did it work?”

“How did what work?”

“The bloodline, thing.”

“I’m not sure I understand the question, love. You seem to understand what it is and what it means. So I think I’m maybe not grasping the actual question.”

“Did it happen on the pack grounds?”

“Oh. No. Elsewhere. I don’t think it would have been something they could hide if it had happened at the house. Especially in a pack this small.”

“So, how?”

“I had been told some weeks before that it was going to happen. It’s probably the only time my dad seemed to like me at all, those few weeks leading up to the first one. He seemed proud of what it was, I guess. I don’t know really. But, we went somewhere else, apparently there’s some type of etiquette, rules your supposed to abide by. Despite having been told my entire life that this is what I was born for, these rules had never really been explained to me, I guess I can understand in pup hood why they wouldn’t be because it’s vulgar and demeaning, but I started to get really nervous on the way over there when he was explaining how it worked. So by the time we got there, I was, not in my best form, to say the least and it starts with this inspection process. They inspect your human form, every part of you. From the top of your head to the bottom of your feet, literally, and everything in between, literally. You’re scrutinized for every little thing. My body was undersized, my teeth are short, my nose is crooked, my legs are too short, things that don’t even matter, my boobs are too small. My hips are too wide, I’m not proportionate. Then after they grope and prod and poke and tell you everything that’s wrong with you, you’re told to shift so they can inspect your wolf. The wolf inspection is ever worse because they’re rougher.

“They. There are multiple people doing this?”

“3 in total.”

“Why?”

“I have no idea. But they repeat the process, going over every inch of your wolf. Apparently, my wolf has much fewer flaws then I do. Despite the horror of the inspection they didn’t have much to say about her. She’s good sized, coat is good, teethe are outstanding, well developed musculature. Then once they do that they want to actually see your wolf. If you don’t immediately recede they do whatever they have to bring her out. Nox was mostly compliant.”

“What if the person the line is being sold to is mated?”

“I really don’t know. I was never given that much information. None of it ever took, so, I guess I never got past all that stuff in the process.” I thought about how Rayvn felt, and how everything about her was vile to me and how she felt like a corpse compared to Evie’s heat. I couldn’t imagine how that would work, or the pain a mate would feel during this process if either were mated and marked.

“Is it horrible, Evie?” She looked at me with sad eyes and a wave of something I couldn’t quite place came over us.

“When you follow the rules it isn’t I guess. Or maybe it was just my first time. The other times weren’t so bad. I acted poorly the first time, but I was scared, I think, maybe.” She was drying her hair now, wearing my shorts and a tank top, waves of something I would only describe as melancholy moving through me. I picked her up and brought her downstairs to the couch, sitting her between my legs so her back was against me, one of my legs hung off the side but this way I could hold her with very little awkwardness.

“I really hoped that I would find you when I turned 17. I kept this little flame burning for years. I know it’s stupid in this day to want to preserve anything for anyone. But I really did. And I tried. So did Nox.”

“Evie you could have willingly slept with every single wolf in the pack and it wouldn’t change anything about my love for you or make me think less of you. I understand the biological factors of fate bonding, but what I saw the very first time my eyes found you was far more then that. Whatever we are isn’t what everyone else is. We are the last of something, the very last. Whatever our purpose is here, it’s nearing its end my love, no matter any past you carry my loyalty will follow you, my fierce little warrior queen, until the time we can be forever together. Until she makes us a star in her sky to stand her guard with all her other champions