Watercolor Girl

30. Months Pass

Silver

I couldn’t help but hurt for Alpha Lev, we in the clinic had very little hope that she would survive this and come back as she had been. Considering the involvement of wolfsbane we had reason to believe that the separation between she and her wolf could more than likely be permanent, and his mate would never actually come out of the “coma” she was in. Luna’s body was healing, albeit somewhat slowly for a wolf, but we were not getting any improvements as far as being able to get responses from her head.

Lev had been here for 3 weeks now, leaving her side only when he was required, when she was taken for any type of procedure, change of suturing, to remove the pressure relieve apparatus we had placed in her skull initially, scans on fractures and breaks. Generally, those moments were the only times he showered, and he got up to eat only when his human would come in and demand he do so. Although not typical protocol, as none of this was, we had begun letting the human back there to sit with them because it seemed she was the only one who could talk Lev into doing anything at all, to include eating, showering, or any other necessary bodily function.

The cruelty of the situation affected us all. Everyone who took any part of her care, they had so recently found each other, the bond of their connection was vast and it was deep. I had known Lev prior to him finding her, his commitment to her even before they sparked was profound and the way she’d affected him in his personal growth so swiftly made it hard to accept that the depths of what they gave to each other could so quickly be ripped away from him. Several of my apprentices had requested that they not be assigned to her care, so I worked with them almost exclusively. I had overheard one of my young she wolves discussing her appreciation for Lev’s lack of concern in being viewed without clothing, so I terminated her status within the clinic immediately.

When making rounds today, the human was in arguing in an incredibly gentle way about how he needed to attend to his other duties. I had thought about this and had actually intended on discussing a few things with them regarding the situation.

“Lev, honey, I know the prospect of leaving her here feels impossible, but you are this pack’s alpha and they need you too. Especially with Evie’s absence. Patrick is doing ok, but he needs your help. You have other responsibilities.”

“I couldn’t care less about the pack or Patrick right now, Rea. She can’t reach me at the pack house. She doesn’t know what happened. What if she wakes up and I’m not here? And she can’t connect with me? What if something happens and I’m not here?”

“You can get here, Lev. I understand without her there is no semblance of normalcy or comfort but you have to establish a new sense of it. You chose to lead the pack, now you have to do the hard s**t that comes with that.”

“I chose to lead the pack to protect her, because they would have never left her be. Not because I wanted it. All of this was always about her from the get go, Rea, you were there you know that.”

“I understand that, Lev. But it doesn’t change the other responsibilities you accepted, and that Evie accepted. She made her own sacrifices in that yard for the pack and for you. Please don’t let that mean so little right now.”

“Um, I don’t mean to interrupt. But I wanted to talk to you both about something and since you’re both here, maybe we could talk about it now?” Human looked somewhat relieved while Lev’s face hid none of his annoyance.

“No time better then now.” She said with a soft although strained smile.

“Evie is somewhat stable, her fractures are healed, I was going to possibly suggest maybe moving her to home care for the duration of this. She would require continued support, so, Xandrea, you would have to oversee a lot of that in the event Alpha has other things to tend to…”

“I can take care of my mate.” Lev growled at me. I didn’t hold it against him, not even a little.

“Lev fix your attitude right now.” Human snapped at him. And surprisingly he softened and apologized. That I did not expect.

“There is learning curve regarding certain care needs that aren’t ultimately pleasant.”

“Sweetheart, I doubt you have any idea how much experience I have in this and I’m more then willing if it means she can come home.” I honestly didn’t know much of anything about her, just that she had been a former Luna of the Snow Claws. I did wonder in this statement how she’d lost her mate.

“I’m willing to make regular visits to your home to check on her obviously follow up on all her needs. The clinic will provide the equipment as needed until she wakes up. But maybe being home will help. And it’ll allow you to be closer to her, Lev, if you have other engagements that need to be handled.” His jaw tightened and I could tell he wanted to say something, most likely not very pleasant, the human shot him a look and all he did was nod.

“When?” Although Lev could have never been described as outgoing, social or talkative prior to this, he had receded even more. One word answers or questions, and nods or head shakes had becomes his norm.

“As soon as you’re able to accommodate her I can arrange to get her home.”

“Now.”

“LEV.” Human snapped. “I will absolutely not sit here and watch you speak to Silver like she owes you something and should ask how high when you say jump. I don’t care what you’re title is. She’s been good to the both of you and she doesn’t deserve the short, pissy way you’re talking to her. Silver didn’t do this stop treating her like it’s her fault.”

“I get it, Rea. This is my f*****g fault.”

“Lev Riley, no one said that.”

“You don’t have to. No one has to. She shouldn’t have been there.”

“Come to terms with your own misplaced guilt stop taking it out on the rest of us.” Lev had been sitting in a chair next to her, he was now in the bathroom brushing his teeth, she looked at me and shook her head.

“What do you know about it anyway.” Her eyes flashed and I had never seen her ruffled even minimally by anything he’d ever done.

“I lost my mate to combat injuries, Lev. I watched him waste away in a hospital bed rife with infection, amputations, seizures. Do not ever insinuate that I don’t know or understand pain or the consequences of the bed she’s laying in right now. You aren’t entitled to bully me with your bad a** attitude and self hate right now.” She stood up and threw a shirt at him. “GO HOME, Lev because you sure as hell aren’t helping anyone here with this s**t.” He shrunk 3 sizes pulled his shirt on and walked out without a word. I looked at her.

“I wasn’t taking it personally.”

“It doesn’t matter. I love that boy with all my heart but he needs to start regaining some semblance of living. If Evie doesn’t wake up he needs to be able to keep going. The pack is worried and they’re tense. It’s his job to deal with that. Wether he likes it or not.” I found that I actually really liked this little human. She was fair and rational and she held “her pups” to a standard of treating people with respect and politeness. “When do you think would be an available time to move her home? I don’t think I have to explain my experience or qualifications to provide her care after that outburst.”

“Well, I’d actually anticipated his response, so I have the majority of arrangements made. We could have her moved and set up within the next few hours. But it would be up to you as her primary designated carer.”

“What do you need me to do?”

“Well ideally we’d like to be able to move her to her own bed. Obviously clean bedding, pillows to prop her, and the space for her equipment and monitors. I have a schedule of care I’ve prepared, I can print it and give that to you now so you can look it over and ask any questions you may have. I figured I’d try and get to you at least every 3 days to follow up on her and check her myself. But I can arrange more visits if you’d prefer.”

“Every three days sounds great. Why don’t you grab me that schedule and I can get home and deal with captain misery and getting her set up. Do you have my contact info?”

“I actually don’t, m’am.”

“Well here let me give you my number and you can get me 24/7 on that.”

“Great.” I said pulling out my phone and punching her number as she dictated it to me. “Let me go get you that and I’ll start arranging her transport”

“Thank you so much, Silver. Lev isnt himself right now but I know he appreciates you more then he’s able to convey at the moment.”

“You’re so welcome. And thank you so much for everything here.” I scampered off to get her the info, she left immediately, leaving the Luna alone for the first time since she’d been brought in. I set to arranging the delivery of her equipment within the hour, and scheduling her transport for the hours following it’s set up.

Lev

Rea stomped into the wing, I had started setting up the sound system I had ordered weeks ago for the wing, screwing speakers into the corners of each room and on either side of the bed in our room, near Evie’s chosen window. I had already somewhat figured out where I was putting everything beforehand so it was a matter of just getting it up and wired.

“Rea, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have spoken to Silver or you the way that I did. This isn’t affecting just me.” She gave me a hug.

“I know, Lev, but you have to be stronger then this. Jelly draws from you. If you continue to be miserable and depressed, you’re not helping.”

“I don’t understand how to not be right now. I feel like I’m drowning and I don’t understand why I’m not dead yet. The ache doesn’t ease it just sits there, festering.”

“I know, baby, but you have to be the strong one right now because Evie can’t be. You have to be.” I choked up.

“When is she coming home?”

“Today. They’re gonna bring her equipment over shortly, I gotta get your bedding changed for her but that’s about it, considering you two live like minimalists and have nothing to hinder where her equipment needs to be.”

“I can change all of that. I’ll do it now.” I tossed my screwdriver on the counter and went to our closet in the bathroom to pull out clean bedding. Rea put a pot of coffee on. I had barely finished making the bed when there was a knock, I went to retrieve my screwdriver and continue my mission of getting Evie’s sound system set up. The three techs from the clinic brought up machine after machine, plugging them in and checking them, the soft hum of it all was deafening to me. I set to wiring all of the speakers to power, zapping myself a few times, not entirely focused on my own project. I set up the little Bluetooth speaker, connecting it to the speakers. And testing it. Setting up the speakers to each room. So it could be told where to play her music. The techs left roughly an hour after their arrival, and I stood in the doorway looking at our room. They’d stretched wires and monitors across our bed.

“Re. When is she coming home?”

“Today sometime. Silver said she’d already arranged most of it. They just needed to make sure all of the equipment was here.” I nodded at her. “You should shower, and as much as you hate the idea, you really should go down and see Patrick. He’s been doing it by himself and maybe just showing your face would benefit him.”

“Ok, Rea. But I’m coming back when she gets here.”

“I know, hun.” She said, patting my arm.

•••••••••••••••••••••

Patrick

There was a knock on the door, I hadn’t heard anyone walking in the hall and sat staring at the door wondering if I’d imagined it when it opened and Lev popped his head in.

“Oh, Alpha, I’m sorry I didn’t know if I’d imagined the knock, come in.” He came in shutting to door slowly and quietly before sitting on the couch I’d decided to keep in here. He looked awful, and that was an understatement.

“How ya holding up?” He shrugged.

“You need any help with anything. I know I haven’t been here. And I should have been here more. I left you entirely alone with all this crap.”

“No need to apologize. We all get it. I’m surprised you’re here now.”

“Rea is forcing me to be present. Honestly.”

“Rea’s been great, man, she’s been a lifesaver in here.”

“She’s been a lifesaver since I met her. Rea is just great in general. So what going on?”

“We really need to get out into the woods. There’s been no new findings of flowers or traps, so that’s good, but we need to figure out if whatever was left is still there or if they’ve dispersed. I know you wanted to spearhead that. So we’ve waited. I need you to sign on the pledges. We did that last week, Alpha Rose needs the transfer paperwork for the 12 wolves that left to his pack, they’re on your desk for signature.” He nodded slowly and I’m not sure he heard anything I’d said. “How is she?”

“Roughly the same. Her body is healing, but there’s still no connection. She isn’t responsive at all. Just… sleeping.” The correct term was in a coma, but I understood the choice to think of it as sleeping. To be honest I had been surprised she lived through the initial 24 hours after the attack. She had been, physically demolished. He got up slipping to the door. “I’ll get that stuff signed and filed or emailed out to Alpha. We’ll plan to head out to the shed this week. They’re bringing Evie home today sometime, I want to be here when she gets here.”

“Lev, can I something that’s gonna be incredibly difficult for you?”

“Sure.”

“Can you maybe take some time to talk to Ollie? He’s really struggling with everything.” He paused standing in the doorway.

“There wasn’t anything either of you could have done to change what happened. The only wolf capable of reacting and affecting the outcome was me and I failed.” It actually hurt worse to hear him place no blame on anyone but himself. A lot had gone wrong that day, we had missed things too.

“Alpha-“ he raised his hand to stop me.

“It’s ok, Patrick.” And he closed the door behind him. Within 20 minutes I had copies in my email of all the forms I needed signatures from him on and a few additional things. I texted Kyrie letting her know what I’d found out about Evie today. She’d been religious in her hounding. I watched out the window when the pack transport showed up, I watched them unload her on a gurney, before Silver had a quick conversation with Lev and he picked her up carrying her to the pack house. Sleeping. She was still sleeping. Silver followed Lev, who’s face contained so much anguish it could almost taste it. Luna was home and Alpha was back. It was almost more comfortable before that.

•••••••••••••••••••

4 Months Pass

•••••••••••••••••••

Rea

I changed Evie’s catheter, running water to bathe her, Lev should be home soon to put her in the tub. She had been off the majority of the machines for roughly a month now, Silver came once every 2 weeks for follow ups but kept in close contact with both Lev and myself. I disconnected her feeding tube, covering the site with the second skin film I used on tattoos. I brushed her hair, Lev always forgot to before putting her in the tub and it made brushing the long half of her hair out more difficult after. She looked healthy, but she just wasn’t there. Her body had fully healed, and healed well. Lev tended to keeping her as she chose to be when she was awake. He kept her legs shaved, her armpits, he said she’d be pissed at us if she woke up looking like a half shift. I heard Lev come in. He moved less fluidly recently. But he seemed more himself when it came to her care. He walked in through their room into the bathroom and checked the water in the tub before turning it off. I kissed Evie on the forehead before he rolled her covers back and checking her feeding tube site.

“Thanks, Rea. I’d be lost without you.” He said, brushing her hair back a little and gently removing her arms from the hospital gown, placing her arms gently over her stomach.

“I’m gonna go grab some lunch? Do you want me to grab you a salad?”

“Double cheese, please.”

“Gotcha! I’ll be back in 15.” He was pulling his shirt off, as he always did when he gave her a bath.

“Ok, little one, here we go.” He whispered to Evie before picking her up and cradling her to him, kissing her on the top of her head before carrying her into the bathroom. Despite the changes, he still doted on her. He spent every single second of free time with her. Curled up with her in bed or holding her on the couch wrapped in a blanket watching TV with her. He’d assumed all of his Alpha responsibilities back 100%. He had gone out with a few patrol groups and decimated some 40 wolves who refused to surrender. Patrick said it had been an overly vicious m******e, but who could blame him. He’d almost single handedly gone and eradicated the territory of the flowers and traps completely on his own. The pack had taken in several new members who had been in similar situations to Taylor’s, a few of the original group of she wolves from the shed were reunited with their mates, but a few weren’t. Life had changed, but it was continuing. The pack seemed to love Lev in his title. He had an occasional issue with a she wolf who overstepped and misunderstood his undying and absolutely unwavering commitment to Evie. You could always tell when that happened. And Patrick usually sent fair warning regarding the subject when it happened. He kept her playlists on constant repeat by her bed. Adding new songs he thought she would like, changing them so they didn’t get too repetitive for her. To see Love was to see him with her, even a constant state of sleep. Kyrie came often to read to Evie. She read her Norse and Greek mythology, she read her true crime books, she read her wild fantasy books written about werewolves and vampires and fay. She would talk to her and laugh and tell her jokes. Kyrie ran the Luna side of things like a champ. She made it look so easy and she seemed to absolutely love it. She had become a fierce advocate for Evie and Lev, as had Patrick. If anyone had the balls to even think a negative thought about either of them, Kyrie knew and Patrick dealt with it. Patrick and Lev became close, as was typical of the Alpha Beta titles. Lev had chose well when he chose Patrick. He assumed his responsibilities flawlessly and embraced the title.

I cared for my pup daily. Lev had bought me a truck and I went out to the shop occasionally scheduling appointments just to get out. But never for long. Lev didn’t like her to be alone because when she woke up he wanted someone to be there. He’d gotten less stringent about that, but I knew it bothered him. The flickering flame of hope remained she would wake up, but it was smaller now then it had been in the beginning. I loved Evie with every fiber of my being and soul, but at times when I thought too much about it, it saddened me that this was what Lev’s life would be with her. Still the hope persisted she would wake up. But the idea that maybe she wouldn’t say shelved in the back of everyone’s minds.

••••••••••••••••••

8 months later

Lev

Rea had gone to the shop. She was back there almost full time. I had set up a small desk with a computer, sort of a mini office in the corner of our room so I could stay with Evie when all I had was paperwork and administrative work to tend to. I was running her a bath and had just finished detaching her g tube and sealing it. Rea still did the harder things, but the simple things I could do. I held one of Evie’s hands and brought it to my lips, kissing each one of her fingers, lingering on the ring tattooed on her finger.

“Ope, gotta brush your hair, beautiful. You’ll have a Rea do if we don’t.” I kissed her forehead. The half of her head that was shaved had grown out considerably and would tangle now. It was incredibly hard to brush if it wasn’t brushed before I washed it. When I finished that, I undressed her, maintaining the same routine I’d kept for months. Taking off my shirt and placing her hands on her stomach so they didn’t flop around when I picked her up. She still felt alive when her skin touched mine. She sent lightening through my body and I held that as proof that my Evie was still in there.

“Alright, wife, let’s get ya in the tub.” I picked her up setting her in the tub gently, I always started at her feet and worked my way to her hair since the shampoo always made the water soapy and it didn’t feel clean after that.

“Good thing you’re not ticklish, little one, it might make this awful for you if you were. Alexa, play Bathtub by the Front Bottoms in the bathroom.”

“Relax (your) muscles

All of a sudden I am scared

All of a sudden I can’t breathe

All of a sudden I am nothing

In this moment you are everything…”

I sang to her changing lyrics as I saw fit.

“She says could you feel that?

Oh what a marvelous sensation…”

I felt tears welling up in my eyes, I didn’t cry much about it at this point but every once in awhile it got to me. The next song came on,

“'Cause I can see you, but I can't touch you

And I can touch you, but I can't feel you

And I can feel you, but I can't see you

I used to, but then I went blind…”

(Run Wild, Young Beauty - Hotel Books)

I lost it, and the tears fell freely, I pressed my face into Evie’s neck, crying into her damp skin.

“'Cause I can touch you, but I can't see you

And I can see you, but I can't feel you

Well, I can feel you, but I can't touch you

I used to, but then you left my life…

I can feel you, I can touch you, I can't see you

Where have you gone?

Just don't make me into another excuse

Just make me into something that you can use

Just make me feel like me, so I can make you feel like you…”

I sobbed, my hand bracing her cheek so it felt in someway that she was lucid with her cheek against my forehead.

I leaned pressed my cheek into her hand, before jumping back falling on my a**, when I looked up Evie’s nebulous eyes were staring at me, a thin smile framed on her lips, her head tilted like her head weighed 100 pounds, her hand slowly dropped back down into the water.

“I want to inhale your disease

I would do anything for you, I am guilty

I get goosebumps when you're near me

You're just like the movies

I am guilty for your love”

(Guilty - Yonaka)

Her voice was somewhat horse and absurdly quiet, but she sang to me. It was a song I had added, she could hear when she was sleeping. I shot forward wrapping my arms around her, her hand came up slowly and rested on my elbow.

“Don’t cry.” I picked her up setting her on my lap, and holding her as tight as i could, brushing her hair back from her face.

“Evie.” I whispered out.

“I’m here.”

“My Evie.” She took a deep breath.

“Lev, I’m cold.” I scrambled off the floor pulling a blanket out of the closet I’d left open and wrapping it around her. “Don’t cry.” Whispered out of her mouth again and I couldn’t even respond I just held her.

“I told you we were fighting.”

“Nox.” I sobbed harder. Rocking my wife, my mate in my arms. “Please don’t ever leave me again.”