Watercolor Girl

9

TRIGGER WARNING: s****l VIOLENCE

Evangeline

Alpha made his irritation obvious, snapping sarcastically. No one had spent more time in those trees and on that soil then I had, not a single wolf in this pack. I snapped back at him. Trying to impress that whatever it was wasn’t normal, nor was it natural.

“NOX IS A WOLF! SHE’S FUZZY!!” Ciaran still clearly not awake grasped at the literal.

“Wolfsbane grows out there. I could feel it.” She growled at him, surfacing, without the social graces. Ciaran perked up.

“That isn’t possible, Nox. We would have noticed before now, we patrol nightly.”

“It is wolfsbane.” Lev added quietly, his eyes were blank.

“That’s absurd.” Ciaran spoke matter of factly.

“I’VE SMELLED IT, I’VE FELT IT.” Lev roared out, he hand moved up and subconsciously grabbed at his bicep. I reached out and found his hand, anger radiated through me, his anger. For this situation or his past one I wasn’t sure. “I didn’t place it. When we walked into it, it makes you stupid. I wouldn’t have noticed it but it’s like a curtain out there, almost imperceptible. The further you walk into it the less you realize, like it separates you from your wolf. I couldn’t reach Til until we had left it.”

“That doesn’t explain it. The effect of it maybe, but wolfsbane doesn’t make noise, nor does it smell like any type of machinery.”

“I don’t know. I just know something is there that shouldn’t be and we couldn’t get away from it fast enough. I’ll go back, I can find it. But I’m not taking Lev or Til with me.”

Lev

“I’m not taking Lev or Til with me.”

Ciaran’s eyes narrowed, he studied her, and then me. And then her again. He sighed.

“If you’re so certain that there is some inevitable danger lurking, why would you even offer to go by yourself.”

“Because that’s my home and I know it better then any wolf in this pack. I don’t know what’s out there right now. But I know I’m better prepared to notice it. And I’m not risking my mate.” Her eyes were serious, not a single sense of her dark or cynical humor. Her words cut, like I should have no say in whatever danger she chose to walk into. Til fumed, cursing and spitting in my head, I couldn’t blame him.

“And why should I risk mine if you’re so concerned for yours?!” She reached up and I met her hands with my face. She stroked my cheek. An instant calmness came over me, I couldn’t maintain my anger, her eyes showed concern and worry, but no semblance of give.

“I wouldn’t risk that. I wouldn’t hurt you like that. I’m better suited for this. Awake or asleep myself or Nox, we know this territory and the territory that surrounds it. We can find our way out, even if we’re separated, even if we forget for the moment who we are we can keep ourselves safe.”

“I’ll call Ronnie. He can go with her.” Ciaran produced his phone from his pocket, dialing a number, it rang, he hung up and dialed again. This time a sleepy voice answered.

“Ronnie. Something’s come up, can you get to my office?”

I placed my hands over hers on my face, I closed my eyes.

“We’ll be ok. We’re always ok out there.”

“I don’t want you to leave me.”

“Not now. Never.” I pulled her in, hugging her to my body. Her point couldn’t be argued but I didn’t have to like it. I’d noticed nothing and she’d noticed everything. I felt weak. Undeserving of what she was. Her arms squeezed me tighter.

“Who is Ronnie?”

“Ronnie was separated from his wolf a long time ago. Wolfsbane doesn’t affect him like it affects us and our wolves because he is at this point, nearly human. He works as a healer for the pack, but before that he was an incredibly skilled warrior. He serves the pack well. He doesn’t have the perceptions we do, but he’ll be a sound mind with an untouchable memory. He isn’t weakened like we are.”

“We don’t need a babysitter.” Nox grumbles through my head and I can’t help but smile, fierce little Nox, fierce little mate. I push her hair back, so I can look into both of her eyes.

“You two make me want to vomit. Ick.” Ciaran blurts out, it cuts the tension temporarily and there’s a collective chuckle.

We sit in silence until there’s a knock on the door, Ronnie enters. Nodding to Ciaran and then to me,

“Alpha, Beta. How can my broke ass be of service?”

“We would appreciate it if you would accompany Anjie out tonight? She seems to think there may be a growth of wolfsbane out there.” He nods slowly.

“Nasty stuff. She ain’t gonna be able to link or shift if it is.”

“We know. That’s why we’d like you along with her. You have your phone, so we’ll be able to keep the contact regardless of an inability to link.” Ronnie nods again thoughtfully.

“Well it sounds like I’m your guy. Can’t think of another one who will be affected any less. But I’m gonna slow ‘er down. She ain’t gonna be able to run like she normally would.”

“We’re aware. We’d rather safety over speed.” I don’t like how Ronnie is speaking like she’s not right here in the room. I don’t like knowing he’ll be there with her, and not me.

“When is this shingdig headin’ on out?”

“Now if you’re up for it.”

“As up as I’ve ever been.”

I grab her face in my hands and I push my mouth to hers, she smiles against my kiss.

“We’ll be alright. Home before you know it.” I doubt that, but my heart warms when she says home.

Evangeline

Ciaran and Lev walk Ronnie and I out to the wood line. I walk into the woods to shift, Lev follows, watching me undress, his green eyes light up when I remove my shirt and shimmy out of sweatpants. It isn’t really the time for it, but I let him touch me, if it soothes his anxiety so be it.

“Yours.” I place his hand on my chest before backing away behind a tree and shifting. He’s standing there watching me. Watching us. Nox is fighting for control. I sit and look up at my mate, he kneels.

“Be safe little warrior. Nox bring her back to me.” And he stands up, walking quickly back out of the line. Ronnie and Ciaran stare for a moment.

“Goddess I didn’t expect that, I haven’t seen Nox since she was a pup.” Ciaran compliments.

“Mine.” Til rumbles as I turn and start back into the wood, Ronnie follows.

Ronnie

She’s a BIG wolf. Her little human body misleading. She walks ahead sniffing the air and the soil. Occasionally turning to make sure I’m still following, waiting for me to catch up.

“Are you Evangeline? Only child of the Nightclaw line?” She turns sharply, her black eyes narrow and her tail flicks. I have long lost my ability to link, but I’ll take that as a yes.

“And she mated you to weakest of the Lyons bloodline.” In a flash her bared teeth were in my face , so close I could smell her breath and feel the heat of her exhale, a low rumble formed in her throat. “Alright, alright settle ‘er down, I was just seeing if you were paying attention to me.” Her eyes were an opaque black and I was certain she’d evolved to the forest. Not even the slightest light would give her away. Not a glimmer escaped from her eyes in the moonlight. She turned slowly her hackles still raised and continued on. Not a she wolf to be trifled with.

Her snout reached up into the air and she shifted her course just slightly, bringing her nose to the ground.

“I knew your daddy. Ya know.” She didn’t acknowledge my statement. “Mean one that one was. Always wondered why your mama didn’t take you when she ran off.” Again, not even a quiver, not even an ear flick of acknowledgment from her. “Guess rogue life ain’t for a pup.”

She tensed, digging her claws into the earth, sniffing, and moving on cautiously. We walked on, her ignoring me, it felt like hours when it felt like a truck slammed into me. She stood shaking, posted over me and I thought maybe I’d touched a nerve and she’d had it with my baiting. She dug into the earth, it took me a minute to get my head straight. I sat up dazed. But clear as the moon, just ahead of her frantic digging and shaking were the unmistakable purple blooms of wolfsbane. I got up, shaky, still spinning a bit

“Cheap shot, wolf.” I kneeled, looking around. Little crops of it scattered sparsely in the area. I pulled out my phone and dialed the alpha, he picked up on the first ring.

“We found it. It’s out here. Ain’t a natural plant up here.” I could hear him take in a deep breath.

“Anything else seem off about it?”

“Besides it being here at all? I haven’t gotten that far, your she wolf here just sucker punched me and I’m still working on dragging my ass outta the dirt. You want me to gather some of it up? Stuff’s a good tool for an interrogation and I got a feeling you’re gonna be needing to do some of those.”

“Not right now, send me your location so we can mark it so patrols don’t wander into it. Look around for anything else that might be pertinent.”

“Ohhhhh I think your girl is already on it.”

Ciaran

Lev sat inches from me, watching me scribble down little notes, reading them as I wrote them.

“Is she ok?”

I waved him off, trying to listen to what Ronnie was saying, his reception wasn’t great but I got that they’d found it out there. Dargan sat in my lap, my anxiety had woken her up and she’s wandered down in her pajamas wrapped in a thin little robe that hid nothing from the wandering eye. Most days I’d be jealous and possessive but right now I just wanted her near me. I tried not to show it, but I didn’t envy Lev right now. He couldn’t communicate with his mate, and she was out where he knew we couldn’t help her if she needed it.

I gave Ronnie his instructions. Take a closer look at the area. I didn’t imagine that if that junk was growing out there Nox would be able to stand it too much longer. I really didn’t know how she was stomaching the effects as it was, or how she’d been so rational in my office. Before I could ask if she was ok a loud yelp rang through the speaker and the phone disconnected.

Lev was up and halfway out the door before Dargan or I could even move. I tackled him in the hallway, pinned him twisting his arm behind his back.

“You can’t go out there!”

“You wouldn’t sit here if it was Dargan.” He was right, but then I’d never have let her go. Not that I’d given either of them much of a choice, it didn’t change the fact that my mate never would have been in a position to walk into a garden of wolfsbane.

“It’s more dangerous for her to be babysitting you then worrying about taking care of herself out there. You’ll put her in more danger if you go running in there like an idiot.”

The phone rang, Dargan picked it up, putting it on speaker and setting it down on Lev’s back, forcing him to be still. Smart wolf.

“Yeah.”

“This situation just a got a whole lot weirder, Alpha. Your little scent hound just found a trap placed right in the middle of this little crop of flowers. Big trap. Didn’t get her but it scared her. She’s alright.” Lev’s body relaxed

“Get her out of there!”

“Alright Ronnie. Bring it in. I got the location. We’re going to have to sit down and figure out what all of this means.”

“It means you got a traitor in the pack. It don’t stink like rogue out here and I can’t see something coming in without you knowing. Can’t be from the outside. It’s gotta be from the inside.” He wasn’t wrong but I wasn’t prepared to deal with it right now.

“Just head back in. Report to my office when you get back here.”

“On it Alpha. We’re headed back.”

I rolled off of Lev, hopping up and reaching for his hand to help him up. He accepted. Shaking his head.

“Sorry, Alpha. I’ll try to show more restraint going forward.”

“Don’t worry about it. That’s your mate. Wouldn’t expect anything less.”

Nox

Everything was fuzzy. Evie was out of touch, wolfsbane. Ugly old man laughed. Told me to head home now work is done. I shake and shake, focus Nox, focus. Away from the plants, I can’t hear if he’s behind me but she has to get away from these plants. The further I move the sharper the world gets. The sun is out, the forest smells like forest again, but Evie is still gone. I turn searching for old man. He is not there but I can hear him moving in the wrong direction. I bark, his footsteps follow. So many minutes it takes before I can see him. He doesn’t smell of wolf. He smells human, but sounds like wolf and moves lightly like wolf. Where is Evie? I shake, moving in the direction of Til, of Lev. To home. The longer we walk the clearer all becomes, but still no Evie. Old man insults, tries to cut with a dull knife. We ignore him. He is not sharp like Evie, or my fangs. I smell the pack. I smell Til, I smell Lev. I smell horrible wolf who dared put her hands on my mate. I reach out, but find no Til and no Lev. And no Evie. I do not like this flower. Or this old man. Evie’s clothes here. Where Lev asked I bring her back to him, but I cannot find her.

“What’s the matter wolf? Ain’t you gonna shift.” I growl and show my teeth. He laughs. I sit at the edge of the wood, by Evie’s clothes. Nox is the forest. I do not like the openness of the pack. I will sit here and wait for Evie.

Lev. **TRIGGER WARNING s****l VIOLENCE**

It took hours for them to get there. Walking at Ronnie’s pace. Evangeline would have been there in an instant and back on her own. Ciaran sends me to my wing, I haven’t slept and I haven’t eaten, he says rest and as soon as they’re back he’ll link me. Although I hope to hear from her before she gets back. I kick my boots off, so easy now, and curl up in a bed that feel painfully empty now. Her scent lingers, and I inhale it. Temporary comfort finds me, but erodes swiftly. “I cannot feel Nox.” Til worries. “I know, I can’t feel her either.”

A quiet knock sounds, and I’m on my feet, at the door, but when I open it, I’m angry to see Rayvn.

“Why are you here.” I grunt. She looks up at me.

“Because you were right. I was embarrassing myself. I wanted to apologize.” She peeks around me.

“She’s not here. You’ll have to come back.” And I move to close the door.

“Where is she?” I stare, silently, it’s really none of her business. “Levvvv.” She draws out the v in my name. “I don’t want to lose you as a friend. It’s hard not having a mate, and yeah, ok, I know I got a little emotional, and maybe I should have said something before, but I did have bigger feelings for you. It hurt when I thought that after all the time we’ve spent together you went out and hooked up with some random wolf when I had been waiting here. I didn’t know she was your mate at first”. My eyes softened. “Can we please just be friends again.”

“Yeah, sure.”

“Then can I come in? Obviously something is going on you look like total garbage. Tell me about it.” I mulled it over and stepped back, opening the door. She bounced in, scampering down the hall into the living room.

“Love the changes you’ve made.” She says sarcastically plopping herself down in my recliner. I sit on the sofa Evangeline picked out, rubbing the fabric, before leaning forward and holding my head in my hands.

“She’s in the woods. I’m being an impatient baby.” Running my hands through my hair. I lean back, it really is a comfy couch.

“What’s she doing out there?”

“I don’t know, there’s some wolfsbane rumor. So she’s out searching for it. They think she found it but it cut off our link so now I’m stuck here being an impatient baby.” She perked up a bit.

“I’m so sorry Lev, that can’t be easy. Can you feel her?”

“No, when she first left I could feel an increased distance, you get this sort of hollow feeling in your chest. At some point it just cut off and now I just feel empty.”

“That sounds excruciating and really scary.”

“You have no idea.” I start rubbing my head again. Reaching out again for her or Nox. It’s starting to give me a headache. Her voice is close and startles me

“You’re right I don’t know. But I wish I did.” She’s moved to the couch beside me. Her hand reached out and she places it on my shoulder. I feel nothing. When she tried to kiss me before it burned. Her hand on my shoulder garners no physical response.

“Can we clear some things up. I know it’s a bad time. But I need to get it off my chest.”

“What?”

“Did you ever wish I was your mate.”

“I don’t know maybe? When I was watching everyone else fawn over these bonds, I guess I was jealous and wanted to experience it myself. I guess there were times I would look at you and wish there were sparks.” Her hand squeezed my shoulder, I grabbed her hand to push it off, the contact made me uncomfortable but as soon as I’d grabbed it she pushed it back, sliding her leg over my lap, sitting on me.

“Whoa whoa whoa, no. This isn’t it. You need to leave. Time: now.” I brought my hands up over my head, so they were not on her, touching her, there was no mistake or misconception, I was not having it.

“She can’t feel you right now, just like you can’t feel her.” Her hands came up, gripping the sides of my face.

“No. Just no. Get off before I remove you.”

Her mouth came to mine, her teeth biting on my lower lip, I sat with my hands in the air unresponsive to her actions.

“Please just f*****g get off of me. Please just stop.”

“Lev I can take your mind off of it, for just a minute. She won’t know, no one will know. I hate to see you hurting like this.” She pulled her shirt off over her head, biting at my lip her tongue searching for a weakness between my teeth, and I opened my mouth and let her in. I wanted to feel Evangeline I wanted the comfort that intimacy gave me with her. Ravyn smiled kissing me hard her tongue searching the inside of my mouth.

I wrapped my arms around her, pulling her to me and kissing her chest. Her boring, plain, tattoo free chest, I felt like I was going to cry. This was so wrong. I paused before she pressed her breasts to my face.

“Shhhhh it’s ok.” She moaned

I brought my hand up, touching one of her breasts, taking the other into my mouth.

I didn’t want this. Why was I doing this.

She slid down between my knees, and started jerking my pants off of my body. I sat there, I didn’t help, but I didn’t resist her. I just sat there watching her, almost feeling like I was outside of my own body.

She stood shimmying out of her pants, covered now only by a tiny red thong, and I hated it. She pulled me to her stomach, and I kissed her, running my hands over her behind.

“Yesssss” she moaned, pulling my hair. I didn’t like it.

“Stop please.” I whispered in response she pressed her mouth to mine again, her teeth sinking on my lip. And quieting me.

She pulled off my boxers, again I just sat and watched, I was hard, and I hated myself for it. She lifted my shaft, and bit down gently onto my scrotum, i jolted

“Stop please, that hurts.” She made a pouty face.

“But then it feels so good.” She took me into her mouth. I couldn’t watch her, she was moaning and sucking and licking. Everything about it was horrible. She stood and slipped her thong off. She was shaved and I hated it. It made me feel like a predator. Her hip bones were pronounced and I hated her body. I wanted Evangeline, I wanted her full hips and her cute little belly and her tiny little waist and her warrior pubic hair.

She ran her hands down the front of her body, then put one leg up on the couch next to me, grabbing a fistful of my hair.

“Please stop. I don’t want you. I never…”

She smashed my face into her, again. It hurt, I probed her with my tongue, a lackluster attempt to make her stop, she growled excessively, she tasted foul, and I recoiled, only to have her smash my face back into her, she grabbed my shaft, I put my hands on her hips and pushed her away as hard as I could.

“F*****g STOP. You’re hurting me. Just stop. I don’t want this I don’t want you. I never did.” She tumbled back. Tripping and falling backwards. She glared at me, reaching and grabbing my shaft, I winced

“THIS ISN’T NOT WANTING IT. Just let me make you feel good for a little while.” She purred rubbing her tongue along me. I hated her, I hated myself, I hated all of this.

“Please just f*****g stop Ravyn. Please just stop.” She stood up and I had a moment of relief that maybe this was over, but she wasn’t done, she straddled me guiding me into her, her body arching, I felt my stomach turn and I really believed I was going to vomit as she worked her hips in circles. I kept my eyes averted and I couldn’t stop the tears. I tuned out her moaning and growling. Focusing on the wall. Just sitting there waiting for it to be over. She put her hand on my chest and I pushed it away. It deterred her little. Compared to Evangeline she was cold, I thought about my fierce little warrior. I thought about how much this was going to hurt her. Not even 3 days she had given herself to me and I was inside a she wolf at her first absence. I sobbed. But she persisted. I felt her muscles tighten, and finally she stopped. Leaning her body against mine.

“Get off of me.”

She stood up, out of breath.

“Ohhh, baby, was it that good.” She cooed trying to wipe the tears off my face, I shoved her hand away.

“Are you done?”

“Levvvv Come on.” I hated the way my name sounded vomiting out of her mouth. “It’s ok, it doesn’t have to be wrong if no one gets hurt.” But I hurt. I roared for her to get out, stumbling to the bathroom, I needed her off of me. I scrubbed my body in near boiling heat. Sick to my stomach. Leaving to vomit before slipping back in and scrubbing myself harder. I wanted my mate. I wanted her to comfort me. To comfort me for hurting her. I’ve never hated myself more then I did in that moment.