Chapter Seventeen
1713 Words
Not Fine
Tobe went completely still.
Amara’s question remained between them.
“Do you want to come inside?”
The answer came to him immediately.
“Yes.”
Her breath caught.
For one dangerous second, neither of them moved.
Then Amara’s fingers curled lightly into the front of his shirt.
“Then come.”
Tobe looked towards the house.
Then back at her.
He took a slow breath.
“No.”
Amara blinked.
The contradiction almost made her laugh, except there was nothing playful in his expression.
“You just said yes.”
“I know.”
“Tobe—”
He touched her cheek.
“If I walk through that door with you tonight, Amara, I don’t trust myself to behave like a man who said he wanted to take this slowly.”
Her heartbeat stumbled.
His gaze dropped briefly to her mouth.
“And right now, I want to go inside with you far more than I should.”
The quiet honesty of it left her without an answer.
Tobe continued, his voice lower.
“When we cross that line, I don’t want it to happen because neither of us had enough sense to say goodnight.”
Amara swallowed.
“You’re very sure something would happen.”
His eyes returned to hers.
“Amara.”
Just her name.
Nothing else.
It was enough.
Heat moved through her so quickly that she looked away.
Tobe smiled slightly.
“That’s what I thought.”
She looked back at him.
“You’re enjoying this.”
“No.”
“You are.”
“Not nearly as much as I’d enjoy going inside.”
Her heart did something completely unreasonable.
Tobe bent and kissed her once more.
This one was shorter.
It somehow felt more dangerous.
When he stepped back, he kept one hand at her waist.
“Go inside.”
Amara stared at him.
“You’re sending me away from my own front door?”
“I’m trying to leave before I change my mind.”
She smiled despite herself.
“Goodnight, Tobe.”
“Goodnight, Amara.”
She walked towards the house.
At the door, she turned.
He was still standing beside the car.
Watching her.
Amara shook her head and went inside.
The moment the door closed behind her, she leaned against it.
Her pulse had not recovered.
Not even slightly.
She lifted one hand to her lips.
This man.
Her phone rang.
Amara almost laughed.
For one ridiculous second, she thought Tobe had changed his mind before he had even driven away.
Then she looked at the screen.
Kene.
Her smile faded slightly.
She answered.
“Hi.”
“Mara.”
Something in his voice made her straighten.
“Are you okay?”
“Yes.”
A pause.
Then:
“Can I see you tomorrow?”
Amara moved away from the door.
“For what?”
“I need to talk to you.”
“That sounds ominous.”
“It isn’t.”
Another pause.
“Or maybe it is. I don’t know.”
Amara frowned.
“Kene.”
He exhaled.
“I’ve been trying to decide whether to say anything.”
“About?”
“You.”
Her steps slowed.
There was something about the way he said it.
Not casual.
Not familiar.
Different.
“Kene…”
“I know you’re seeing Tobe.”
Amara said nothing.
“And I know the timing is terrible.”
Her stomach tightened.
“But I don’t think I can keep pretending I came back and everything between us still feels exactly the way it did three years ago.”
Amara sat slowly on the edge of the sofa.
“Kene, what are you saying?”
Another silence.
Then his voice softened.
“I’m saying I don’t think I’m looking at you like just an old friend anymore.”
Amara closed her eyes.
There it was.
The thing she had suspected.
The thing she had hoped she might be imagining.
“Kene…”
“You don’t have to say anything now.”
“But—”
“I mean it.”
His voice remained calm.
No pressure.
No accusation.
“I should probably have told you before you started seeing someone. Maybe I should have understood it before then.”
Amara rubbed her forehead.
“I don’t want to hurt you.”
A quiet laugh came through the line.
“That sentence is rarely followed by anything encouraging.”
“Kene.”
“I know.”
His voice softened.
“I’m not asking you to make a decision, Mara. I just didn’t want to keep showing up around you pretending there was nothing behind it.”
Amara looked towards the darkened window.
“Tobe and I are together.”
“I know.”
“And I care about him.”
A longer pause.
“I know that too.”
She heard the disappointment beneath the words.
It made her chest ache.
Kene had been part of her life for too long for his feelings to mean nothing simply because she did not return them.
“Can we talk tomorrow?” he asked.
“In person?”
“Yes.”
Amara hesitated.
Then nodded even though he could not see her.
“Okay.”
“Okay.”
Neither seemed to know how to end the call.
Finally, Kene said, “Goodnight, Mara.”
“Goodnight.”
The line went quiet.
Amara remained on the sofa.
Only twenty minutes earlier, she had been standing outside with Tobe wondering what might have happened if he had followed her inside.
Now her mind felt crowded.
Not because she was confused about whom she wanted.
She wasn’t.
That was almost the problem.
She knew.
And knowing meant somebody she cared about was going to be hurt.
***
Tobe made it twelve minutes away from Amara’s house before admitting that driving home was not helping.
He could still feel her arms around his neck.
Still remember her sitting on his lap earlier that afternoon.
The way she had arrived at his office carrying lunch as though showing up for him required no special explanation.
Because I wanted to see you.
Nobody had ever said something so ordinary to him and made it feel so significant.
Then the photographs.
Her laughter.
The way she had taken him somewhere that mattered to her.
And finally—
Do you want to come inside?
Tobe tightened his hands slightly around the steering wheel.
Yes.
He had wanted to.
Far too much.
His phone was beside him.
He considered calling her.
Dismissed the thought.
He had left her twelve minutes ago.
Normal people did not call someone twelve minutes after saying goodnight.
He continued driving.
Two minutes later, he picked up the phone at a red light.
Put it down.
Ridiculous.
Another minute passed.
Tobe pulled into a quiet side road.
He sat there for several seconds.
Then called her.
Amara answered on the fourth ring.
“Hi.”
His expression changed immediately.
“Hi.”
Silence.
Tobe leaned back.
“What’s wrong?”
“Nothing.”
He frowned.
“That wasn’t convincing.”
“I’m fine.”
“You don’t sound fine.”
Amara closed her eyes on the other end.
She should have known he would notice.
“I’m just tired.”
“Amara.”
She almost smiled.
Even when he wasn’t being difficult, the man could turn her name into an entire interrogation.
But tonight she didn’t have the energy to tease him about it.
“I got a phone call.”
Tobe waited.
When she didn’t continue, he asked, “Bad news?”
“No.”
“Work?”
“No.”
Another silence.
He understood what she was not saying.
“You don’t want to tell me.”
“It’s not that.”
“What is it?”
Amara looked down at her hands.
“I need to understand it properly first.”
Tobe was quiet for a moment.
Then:
“Okay.”
She had expected another question.
There wasn’t one.
“You’re not going to ask?”
“You just told me you’re not ready to talk about it.”
Something in her chest loosened.
“Thank you.”
“Don’t thank me yet.”
That almost made her smile.
“There he is.”
His voice softened.
“Are you okay?”
The question was different this time.
Not demanding information.
Just asking about her.
Amara swallowed.
“I will be.”
Tobe stared through the windscreen.
He did not like that answer.
But he made himself accept it.
“Call me if you need me.”
“I will.”
“Promise?”
Her expression softened.
“Promise.”
They said goodnight again.
Tobe lowered the phone.
He remained parked.
Five seconds.
Ten.
Then he started the car.
***
Amara had just changed into a loose T-shirt and tied her hair back when the doorbell rang.
She stopped.
Nobody was supposed to be coming over.
Her mother would call first.
Zina would call while already standing outside.
Kene—
Her stomach tightened.
Surely not.
The bell rang again.
Amara walked towards the door and looked through the viewer.
Her breath caught.
She opened it.
Tobe stood there.
One hand in his trouser pocket.
The other holding his car key.
Amara stared at him.
“Tobe?”
His eyes searched her face.
“You said you were fine.”
“I am.”
He looked at her for another second.
“No.”
Her heart began beating harder.
“You don’t sound fine when you’re fine.”
Amara opened her mouth.
Nothing came out.
Tobe’s expression softened.
“I was already halfway back before I realized I’d made the decision.”
She looked behind him.
Then back at him.
“You came back because of my voice?”
“I came back because something was wrong.”
He paused.
“And because apparently I’m becoming very bad at leaving you alone when I know it.”
Amara’s throat tightened.
For several seconds, they simply looked at each other.
Then Tobe glanced towards the open doorway.
The same doorway he had refused to cross less than an hour earlier.
His eyes returned to hers.
“Are you going to let me in?”
Amara’s heartbeat stumbled all over again.
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