Keep you save (gxg)

7.

I see her looking for something into my eyes and I gently run my fingers in her hair. With my thumb I apply some pressure on her neck and try to relax her a bit. I swear I even hear a small, appreciative moan.

Meanwhile, my eyes go down her face and linger on the dimple in her cheek and then her lips. "Jesus, how would they taste?" I think.

At that moment I feel her change her attitude; she becomes a bit stiff and she straightens her back. And then she says in a clear voice, as if she's trying to make something clear to me

"Yes, what is it I'm looking for in a man? If I know you'll hear from me" and then laughs at her answer. Playing it away as a joke..

At that moment I feel the blood drain from my face and I get a lump in my stomach. "A man, of course. I'm stupid, for f*ck’s sake! and now you've totally made a fool of yourself" all of these thoughts are going through my head. Meanwhile, I force myself to laugh and I gently withdraw my hand.

I know I need some distance before I do anything else I regret and so I take my last sip of whiskey and say in a neutral way "Well tonight was fun, thank you. But tomorrow we have to get up early again so I'm going to bed. See you tomorrow "

I don't wait for her answer and get up quietly and walk towards my room. The moment I close the door, I lower myself onto the bed. I stare at the ceiling and wonder what the hell just went wrong. I push away all the emotions I’m feeling and promise myself that from now on I will only admire her from a distance. I repeat in my head; "It's a job, you're a professional so act like one".

When I feel a little more in control of my emotions, I get up and head to the bathroom to get myself ready for the night.

After getting ready I lay in bed and I feel exhausted. Sleeping seems not possible. I'm grinding and no matter how I do my best, I don't get the feeling pushed away how soft she felt and what I could have done if she had been interested in me..

And again i repeat "It's a job, you're a professional so act like one, dammit!!”