Chapter-2 Negative
931 Words
It is already 7 days in hospital, I am shifted from ICU to general ward and my health is now stable and but I am still recovering from blood loss. I'm still a bit weak I can't do much work and most of the time I'm asleep. In the evening the police arrived and they asked me few questions, my father was really worried about it how I'm gonna react, what if I say something wrong, what if the police charge me. We were able to show this as an accident and the constable didn't bother much, so we really escaped from the hard part but now I'm more worried because the question will be for me, why I took such a step? why you don't wanna live? you didn't even think of us? how will we live with that? Well, what could I say no answer could justify that question, reasons are there and when all the reasons pile up, when all the negative energy resonate, everyone around, you can't help that fraction of moments that leads you to this path? While I started to unwrap my mind, I remembered my first negative fold the very first little incident which was enough to give a scratch in my past. As 3 years passed in Jaipur we were now down to 3 members from 5, as my uncle son got selected in a good engineering college 2 years later kajal also got selected in mbbs, they both have done a tremendous job and loudness of their success was scattering all around our relative and village, meanwhile my brother was getting medals for quiz, debate, handwriting competition and all were well aware that he is going to do even great, at that very instance I was struggling with my basic studies I was not getting good marks in exam and seeing all of them rising like a star i just can't find someone who could relate with me. Comparison of me and my brother already started and the contrast of his sharpness made me look duller than I was. In this world everything is comparative you are good only because someone is bad, you are fair because someone is dark, you are fat because someone is thin it's all relative and when you see it deeply no one is actually anything unless he or she is been compared with someone. I was a good student but my comparison was with the best so my every weakness was highlighted and soon enough there was tones of my mistakes. The situation was not so favorable for the incident still it was coming and at that time a was not a bit prepared for that. Like every other day I went to school I was in class third and on that day bench rotation was done and from front seat I was at last seat, the class was as usual making noise not very loud but normal and our first period was to be taken by class teacher Sharmishtha mam. She was very strict that even bad boys at her class used to sit quietly I was to talking next to Ritik and our 2 friends Vishal and Harsh was siting just in front of us. I didn't remember what was the conversation but all four of us laughed at the worse part was we didn't notice that Sharmishtha mam has just arrived the class went pin drop silence and our laugh echoed in that silence. Class teacher called us and slapped us with her thick right hand so hard that I was taken back. I wanted to cry out loud at that time but I kept my feelings tight because there was a bigger tension I was worried about. Class teacher used to call their parents whoever do such a nuisance and I was so scared, that if my aunt would be called and she would tell everything to my parents and they might give up on me and send me back to village, I know now that they wouldn't have called me back but back than I was only a child. After an half hour scolding she told us bring your diaries, we all submitted on her table fearing that she would call our parents, but after the period is over she gave back our diaries we immediately saw what she wrote and it was half page complain, but we were happy, yes were happy because we didn't have to call our parents we have to show this complain and we have to get a signature of them, when the school was over that day on the way home I was thinking what if I get scolded, what if the aunt get so disappointed that she tells my mom and dad. I was worried about my little image which was even if he is not as good as his brother and cousin but he still is a good boy and by showing them the complaint I was going to lose that too. That evening I decided to sign the note myself instead of showing the complaint. I still remember my hand was shaking before the signature. The next day I showed the signature to class teacher at I wasn't caught and at that very same day I teared that page from my diary. I was happy but the fear of doing something wrong and the excitement it gives when you aren't caught that adrenaline rush was making me happy even after doing wrong. My first negative step was established at that very moment.
- Writer
