To Love Again

Chapter Seven

Loretta wondered where she went wrong in her marriage, she still couldn't believe all this was happening to her, to them.

She didn't believe in divorce, as far as she was concerned she wanted to be married to once and grow old with him. When Alex came along she felt her prayers had been answered and her search was over.

She was so happy and in love that she didn't notice when things turned sour. Alex had changed, she had thought it was because of the baby they both lost. 

Unfortunately, it was much more. He started with keeping late nights and going on endless business trips without her.

Their lovemaking had dwindled, she knew he loved her, but she felt he didn't live here as a lover should.

 It was just like yesterday when she said those beautiful vows at the altar, in front of her family and friends.

He had proposed to her on their first trip to Paris. They were having breakfast of croissants and bagels with coffee when he got on his knees and said those magic words.

"Will you marry me, Loretta.!" He had looked so handsome, his grey turtle neck shirt flattered his body. His eyes shone with so much love, she drowned in them.

She had called her family and Alex's too to announce the news to them. They had been so happy and asked when the wedding would take place.

Loretta decided to buy her wedding gown in Paris, it had cost a fortune but they didn't mind. As they arrived back home after their trip, she started plans for her wedding.

Six years later her dreams had turned to a nightmare, she was emotionally drained. Her family wasn't aware of what was going on and she preferred it that way at least for now.

 Loretta brought out her wedding album, and filled her glass cup with wine, she said she drank to forget but now she just drinks then sleeps it off. Her wine makes her forget, but the headache and heartache that follows afterward were indescribable.

 She had balls under her eyes as a result of a lack of sleep. Her hair was disheveled all over her head and the shine was gone from lack of care.

As she turned the pages of her wedding album she cried, everyone was so happy, she looked so beautiful and Alex he looked like a god.

The wedding took place at a small church in Texas, Loretta insisted on having her wedding there because her family had so much memory there. 

She wanted Reverend Chris to bless her marriage, he had been so much support to them after they lost their mother.

As she walked down the aisle in an exquisite white satin gown. It was encrusted with pearls and as she moved with practiced grace, her head held high, her hair piled into an emerald green crown encrusted with diamonds. 

Her ivory blond hair curled and rested on her slim shoulders, her neck spackled with a silver chain that belonged to her mother. Loretta walked down the aisle on the arm of her father, he grinned from ear to ear, joy written all over his face.

 The whole guest stood as they walked into the church, Alex stood tall at the altar waiting for his bride to be brought to him. He wore a black tuxedo that fitted him perfectly, his chin was cleanly shaven as he smiled towards his bride.

Loretta's eyes were now puffy from constant crying, as was remembered, she poured more wine and was already drunk before going through the whole album, laying on her couch she dozed off. 

She woke up abruptly, and disoriented, she walked towards her bedroom and was not surprised to see it empty.

 Alex had not been home for the last three days, each day they grew apart from each other. She didn't know what the problem was and Alex wasn't saying anything. 

"What is going on, you don't love me as you used to." She said crying "Is it me, am I haggard or too fat." This time around she was hysterical. 

Alex looked at her, his eyes sad. He didn't mean to put her through this but he was afraid, unsure of himself. "It's not you Loretta, it's me." Without saying another word he left.

"I really didn't mean to hurt her." He groaned. "I loved her and wanted to start a family with her." 

Alex remembered their plans about the future, he had been so excited about what the future held for them, but everything changed.

"We are going to have seven kids." They both laughed.

"That's too much, I am going to look like a rhino seven times!." Loretta said laughing, she threw the throw pillow at him as they both engaged in their usual pillow fight.  

When they both got exhausted, they lay side by side breathing hard. "Oh, Lord! Let me be this happy forever." Loretta said, turning to face Alex, she whispered into his ears "I love you." He grinned at her and patted her nose "I love you more." He held up her face and planted a kiss on her lips. 

"You have to tell her the truth, your silence hurts her more, you know." His partner admonished him. "Nobody in my family knows, I want to tell her but!." Alex stood and walked over to the window. He was afraid of losing his family's love and trust and at the same time, he wanted to live his truth.

Alex and Loretta had been married for almost 6 years now, they had no children. The only pregnancy they conceived had been miscarried.

Loretta had gone to the toilet to urinate and when she cleaned herself she noticed some bloodstains. Before noon she started cramping and was rushed to E.R, their Doctor advised evacuation when he couldn't detect a heartbeat.

They both had cried, they had been trying for two years since then they hadn't conceived. Alex was never in the mood for s*x, he loved his wife but he was hardly aroused by her or by women in general.

He hadn't been bothered by it until something happened that changed everything. He shuddered thinking about the reaction of his family when he finally got the courage to tell them.