LOVE BEYOND BORDERS

Today is your marriage...

I embraced the person thinking it was Lin..... But I was mistaken or should I say over expected.. It was not my husband who came to help....

Fuzhi...

Yes it was Fuzhi.... Who came to my rescue ,as always been....

I told Fuzhi with my tears streaming down," Fuzhi help me...please take me away from here.....I.... I don't want to be here anymore.... "

I cried on his shoulders.... I felt like my heart bursting out from the stress I was bearing .

Fuzhi patted me and said don't worry Simi.,it's going to be alright.,don't cry...

I could no more bear the stress from guilt and agony that was accumulating in me , my hands became numb and could no more hold onto Fuzhi, my grip on his shoulders loosened but his on me and I passed out in his safe embrace.....

while closing my eyes I heard Fuzhi calling me worriedly in his trembling voice "Ammu...,Ammu hold on. "

When I woke up....

I was lying on my bed... Grandma was sitting beside drying my hair with a towel. Grandpa pacing forth and back in the room with his hands crossed backward and his face reflected the tension he bored. My relatives and cousins were waiting outside anxiously...

When I saw them all still beside worrying for me and caring me, I wished I would have dead and never opened my eyes to see them still caring me ....I cursed myself for meeting those two brothers in my life.....

Grandma called out whimpering ...." Ammu" .... She hugged me and held me as if afraid that the very next moment they are to loose me forever ...

I cried.... "Grandma forgive me..... I.... I.... I know I have done wrong grandma..."

Grandma wiped my tears and kissed my forehead with all the warmth of her love ,. She cried and told me "my child please control yourself , don't cry.... You have not done anything wrong...."

I can't understand how they could love me so much, they have forgiven me so easily. More than being worried I felt that they are frightened of something. May be because they have never seen me crying so badly . Yes I have never cried so miserably as they have never given me any grief in my life. Never have they given me a chance to miss my parents.

Grandpa. :Ammu, don't cry my child....

I stood up from bed and went to hold my grandpa's legs and wailed begging for his forgiveness..... "Grandpa forgive me.... I have betrayed your trust.... Please don't curse me.... Please.....Grandpa..Iam not shameless as they said.. Iam not filthy....believe me Grandpa .. Lin... (hiccups) Lin... He is my.... "

Grandpa : Ammu...don't cry my child.... Don't worry....

He held my cheeks in his palm and consoled me saying " We know you love him.... So let us bind you both together forever .... Yes Ammu.... We have decided to get you both married.... "

I hugged grandpa and cried.... "I hurt you.... I embarrassed you ,Didn't I... "

Grandpa : My child I am not angry with you, just worried whether you have made a wrong choice out of haste. You could have told me your problems dear... You know that there is nothing in this world as important as you to us .... Iam not blaming you my child.... , from your childhood even to buy a pencil you would take my opinion, then why when the matter came about your life partner you ignored grandpa...

Ammu : Granpa.... Iam sorry..... I...

I had no words to express my heart, the feeling of guilt emerging in me made my tongue numb ,.I was guilty to the core even before fixing marriage with Arun grandpa asked whether I have any affair with anybody as he didn't want to force me to marry Arun. Even him being so orthodox he had always compromised for me.His childrens including my father married the person chosen by grandpa, they were not given the freedom like me to chose their life partner.I always had or enjoyed an exception from him.

I should have told him the truth from the very beginning , I wished if I could go back to that moment and mend it.

Grandpa : Ammu don't cry... Now it's all over. Get prepared for the marriage. Just be happy my child...

Iam still blessed to feel their unconditional love for me. I was exhausted from crying and later I slept holding tightly my grandma's hand.

Later at night grandma fed me rice porridge in my room. I slept with my grandma. Since I was sleeping the whole day I was not in a deep sleep in the night, In the middle of night I could feel grandma touching on my face and kissing my hand. She kept on caressing my hair gently...

Later I heard grandpa asking "did the kid sleep..." grandma carefully said in husky voice .. Yes she is sleeping.

I wanted to cry seeing them worried and caring me as a small kid ,but there was no more tears left in me.

Eighth day..... (Pooradam)

Grandma woke up at 4:00 am and went to kitchen. Chinnu was waiting for the chance, she came running to my room. I heard grandma stoping her saying not to disturb me, she pleaded and promised she won't and came to my room. She laid beside and hugged me.

Ammu : Chinnu... You woke up early today...

Chinnu : hmm, (in a husky voice) I kept alarm so that I can meet you before marriage.

They continues their chat in husky voice...

Ammu : before marriage ? Are you going somewhere...?

Chinnu : Iam not going anywhere but you are the one who will go after marriage. I heard grandma talking about arranging room in outhouse for you both .

Ammu : room? Chinnu did you wake up early to gossip nonsense ..... You naughty girl..

Chinnu : No sister, I wanted to be with you because today onwards you will be in outhouse with photo brother.... Isn't it.

Ammu : today onwards..... (stood up from bed in astonishment)

Chinnu : Pulling Ammu back to lie down.. Oh...shhh..sister , Don't get up if grandma comes and finds you are awake, she will smack my ass.

Ammu : What do you mean by today onwards...

Chinnu : Today is your marriage Ammu sister ,.... Yesterday when you were sleeping they have arranged everything...

Ammu :(sadly)... Is it... Are they happy...

Chinnu : Hmm, somewhat, do you know who is more happy...

Ammu : Who?

Chinnu : Shanthi aunty, she said hereafter you will settle in China so she is relieved that you don't take kitchu brother away from her ... Sister is it true that after marriage you will not come back here .

Ammu : No my dear(hugged chinnu) I will come back and will be here with you.....

Chinnu : Sister, why did you love photo brother I like the other brother."

Ammu chuckles ."who Fuzhi?"

Chinnu : Yes... Him. Sister he asked me many times to check whether you woke up yesterday from sleep.I almost came here more than 10 times to check on you and was beaten by grandma saying that I may disturb you.

Ammu : ten times... Hmm not bad.. For Fuzhi you came here...

Chinnu : yes... Don't you know Iam very generous....but he graciously gave me 2 kitkats(chocolate) for each time(giggling) I check on you.

Ammu : My goodness Chinnu you took bribe from Fuzhi.. Ha ha. Oh so that's why you prefer Fuzhi over Lin. What about Lin..

Chinnu : oh your photo brother is so serious, he said he just want a simple marriage ceremony so all our rituals will not be followed. But grandpa insisted to conduct the marriage in temple and feast is also there.

Ammu : What about Arun didn't he make any fuss

Chinnu : oh.. Arun brother,don't worry he is still clinging to Anitha sister... "

Ammu :How do you know all this girl....

Chinnu : I just know... (shrugging and spreading her hands)

Ammu : My god, Chinnu hereafter I should be more alert of you...

Chinnu : No sister...Your's I just saw you hugging photo brother.... Then I immediately shut my eyes...

Ammu : What..chinnuuu... . (yelling and covering her face with hands)

Chinnu : God Promise sister I didn't see anything and hear also(said pinching her throat)

Ammu : Oh.. So you were the one who made the sound outside .

Chinnu replies hesitatingly.." Not me sister.. It's.... "

Grandma comes in interrupting their secret talk ..."Oh chinnu you woke her..?"

Ammu : No grandma... Its 5 am so I woke up myself.

Grandma : Chinnu you go out let me speak to her... And don't eavesdrop... I will smack your ass into pulp If I find you around ...

Chinnu : oh no grandma...and runs away..

Grandma told me about marriage function and consoled me again not to worry saying they are happy for me. She said today at 10:30,am is the muhurtham (auspicious time) for marriage.

Grandma :Ammu, did you tell Lin everything about you....

Ammu, understood what Grandma meant by "everything " and she shooked her head gesturing " no".

Grandma : Ammu we should consider our husbands equivalent to God, do we hide anything from God.

Ammu : shooking her head... No grandma

Grandma : Yes.. So speak to him. You should not see him before marriage but call him and tell him all about you. Only if he has no issue, thereafter we can proceed with the marriage. Your grandpa wanted to tell him but I insisted as we didn't want to hurt your feelings.

Grandma kissed my forehead and said "make the call now and come down only as our old energetic and mischievous Ammu, nobody will dare to look upon you okay. "

She gave my phone to me and exited the room ..

I took my phone and unlocked it, there were many missed calls from Fuzhi and few from Lin too. I don't know why I made the first call to Fuzhi. He answered in the second ring...

Ammu : Hey did I wake you..

Fuzhi : no sister in law... We are already awake,(he purposely stressed "we" )... So are you alright...

Ammu : Yes Fuzhi...where is Lin.

Fuzhi : Brother is checking some urgent mails in the laptop....

Ammu : Can I call him now...

Fuzhi : yes... Please....

They disconnects the phone. And Ammu makes call to Lin and he doesn't answer so she made another call and it was answered after long ring.

Lin : Yes...

Ammu : Lin are you free to speak now, I wanted to talk to you.

Lin : Iam here, you come to the outhouse..

Ammu : No.. I can't meet you before marriage...

Lin : OK then... What's it.

Ammu told him about the childhood trauma she had faced and the after effects she is still bearing. Even after undergoing various counselling she couldn't overcome the fear in her. Her father himself was a psychiatrist too, he also did his very best but couldn't help Ammu. She went talking and didn't not check whether Lin is listening or not. The line was still connected and Lin is a person who responds less, so Ammu didn't doubt his presence in the other end. After finishing she asked so are you okay if I keep it.

Lin : ""

Ammu : Lin... Are you listening...

Lin : yes... What did you say.....

Ammu ' Are you okay with it or not

Lin got confused and said... Hmm. You decide yourself....

Ammu happily.....Thanks Lin... Give me some time I will try to get rid of my mental block....

Lin (frowns) :Anything else...

Ammu : nothing....

Ammu went down after bathing. She saw her few cousins putting pookalam and others solving the international problem of choosing the dress to wear to the marriage.

She saw everybody engaged in arrangenets for marriage. Grandma told Ammu to go to temple and pray, after that she should get ready for her marriage. Grandma showed her the ornaments she had to wear.Ammu doesn't like to wear too much gold but today she had no other way than to obey them.

At 10:00 am Ammu got ready in a beautiful Kerala saree , wearing traditional gold chains and bangles. After their custom of receiving blessings from elders by touching their feet. They all went to family temple.

When we reached the temple Lin and Fuzhi was waiting for us with our cousins and other relatives.Lin was wearing kerala traditional attire,I should say his physique was so perfect that our attire just looked amazing on him.

I saw my cousins tutoring him an how to tie the thaali(is a necklace with a locket that groom ties around the bride's neck which identifies her as a married woman). He seems keenly listening to what they are saying.

After both bride and groom came ,the priest started chanting the holy mantras and gave the wedding chain to Lin and he wore it around Ammu's neck as instructed by her cousins.

She bowed her head and prayed joining her palms while he was tying the thali. Next is sindoor dharanam in which the groom should apply red vermillion on the forehead along the parting line of the women's hair. Then the bride will be given a saree by the groom which she will wear after the marriage. After giving saree they both exchanged garlands. Lin followed their custom with patience but not leaving his cold look.

After the rituals Ammu wore the beautiful kanchipuram saree given by Lin and had feast with the relatives.

By 3 pm the function halted and all were taking rest. They arranged for the marriage within one day so everybody got exhausted to the hell.

Later in the evening Lin and Yong went to town and Ammu went to her room to change her attire . She removed all her gold ornaments and wore only the thaali chain and two bangles each in one hand.

One of her aunty told that their first night will be in the outhouse as Lin insisted and from next day they can stay in her room. Ammu agreed and blushed thinking about their first night....