THE GAY BARTENDER

Chapter Sixteen

I saw her rolling around under me, her mouth open, her head back as I rolled through her I'd become a musician , Playing her like an instrument, sending a chorus of adrenaline slamming through her veins as I watched , my c**k so hard I thought it was going to explode . I was torturing myself. There's no way she would like to see me after the way I acted when I dropped her off. That was the point. I couldn't kiss her goodnight and promise her of a happy ever after . I couldn't be her prince in shining armor if that is what she was expecting of me. My life was just too complicated to involve her in it. I knew I had to do something about it. I knew she wasn't happy with me at all . I just couldn't get this urge that was deep inside of me , an urge to protect her and care for her all the remaining days of her life. She was a sight for sore eyes and I didn't really know if I was ready to let her go yet . She had to think there was no choice of the both of us being together, otherwise she'd just end up getting hurt when she found out that things couldn't go any further. She didn't deserve that . She deserved a good man .she deserved a man who could cherish her and spoil her in every thinkable way possible in a way I simply didn't have time for. I walked into the bathroom and reached for my shirt. Trying not to think of how she looked at me when I dropped her off ,how she looked at me before she got off the car. I had seduced her and used her and then just dumped her off like it was nothing.Now I had to live with that. There was a knock on the door and I hoped over to answer it. It was Mona.

"Good morning" she said as she strode into the bedroom and she looked around expecting the room to be destroyed from a night of animalistic s*x. Disappointed she sat at the corner desk chair .

I grabbed my shoes from the closet, my back turned and I sat on the bed putting them on.i couldn't look at her . The woman was far too perspective, she'd see the guilt in my eyes and she will definitely know or at least would as me some uncomfortable questions that I was not ready for.

"How's your morning going?" I asked to ease the tension.

"What did you do?"

"What are you talking about?" I slipped into my shoes.

"You know exactly what am talking about ,look me in the eye and tell me you didn't hurt that girl"

"Better to do it now before she gets hurt even more."

"But you feel bad about it, don't you?"

"Dammit, I do "

"Does she hate you now"

"She probably does," I took my shoe and started putting it on."

"I took her home that night , but when I dropped her off I gave her the cold shoulder"

" But you want to hear from her again,don't you?"

"Nothing can come off it"

"Then forget about it"she followed me out into the halls ."if nothing is going to come out of it then she doesn't matter right, she's just another hole."

"A hole,"I turned to look up to Mona on the stairs" no she's....

Mona smiled."see you don't like me saying that,right? you're defensive because you know am right."

"Don't do this to me, it won't work"

"Call her ,Archer" she disappeared into the kitchen.

I took out my phone outside, hoping I could distract myself with work , but the screen was blank . I kept expecting it to go off on my way to work but the day was slow. The Navy had already taken control over the testing of the Hawkeye and I was waiting on Moses to build his new sensor . The other projects we had were long term so I didn't have to worry about them .I had debriefs directly sent to my office via my mailbox.

Normally I would welcome a quite morning but it didn't sit well with my conscience. I felt dirty. Like I had done something wrong. Infact I had done something wrong. Maya and I clicked but instead of taking advantage of that .I screw her over , literally,and dropped her off like she meant nothing.

We were so much alike , all she cared for was meeting her ambitions and making something out of herself. She was nothing like the freeloading goal diggers I'd dated in the past. She did not care about how much I could buy her or how much was in my account. For a rich man like me, a girl like that is a once in a while opportunity , not somebody I could throw away like a dirty rag . Halfway to the base,I could have called her, but what was I to say. She didn't want to hear from me after the way I acted. Still there was no chance she would listen and that was worth the risk. When the car dropped me off at the office, I snuck in and locked the door so I could get a moment of peace. I had to be realistic about this. Nothing was going to happen if I called her , I'd be leading her on and I couldn't just walk away after Saturday night. Maya was my heroin . The second I got a taste ,I wanted more. One night wasn't enough. I didn't know how she would react if I called her. If she had any sense at all she would hang up and never call me again. She probably would,that woman isn't stupid,but still there was a tiny chance that she could actually hear me out. I was desperate and I knew I needed to do one thing. I have been with plenty of women, half the time I was going through the motions out of boredom. There was no thrill there, no magic, not like with Maya. I couldn't forget a night like that and I couldn't let things be after the way I acted. That wouldn't be right,I had to talk to her. Maybe if I did this right she'd understand me, that I wasn't some prick who needed a hole to put his d**k in.