THE GAY BARTENDER

chapter twenty

There was a knock at my office door when I hung up the phone.''Come in''Moses walked in and sat down .''How are you?'' he asked.''All right,'' I said, leaning back in my chair .''How about yourself?"''These techs are driving me crazy. They're running around acting like they just invented the nuclear bomb''I forced myself to laugh.''Atleast they're excited about the project.''Moses nodded.''I suppose so. They're talking about rigging up the heat sensors to alarm the pilot when certain temperatures are identified .I think its a good idea.''''Sounds good to me.''''It would take us sometime to write the software, but we can probably get it working by the end of the quarter.''''That works.''I took a sip of my coffee.''You look like you just came back from the dead.''''Nah, Im just tired .''''Least you've got something to look foward to tonight, eh? You'll be up all night , but atleast it'll be worth it.''''No.''I shook my head .''I had to cut her loose.''''What? Dude , last time I talked to you, you were practically whipped. what happened?''''Nohing. I just came to my senses is all.It's not like she's going to stick around when she sees what my life is like. I cant even go two days with some decent sleep.''

''I know it. That's why you have to have a little fun.Get your d**k wet.''''I'm too damn busy to be chasing like some s*x-crazed teenager. I have a multi-billion dollar firm to run. There's no room for anything.''''You dont like it , though.''''No, I dont like it.''I said.''But it's the truth , and I'm going to have to accept it.''''I still say we should go out tonight and have a little fun. You cant base everything on work .You have to find a way to blow off some steam or else you'll go nuts.''I've got a lot to do . Go ahead and start on the sensor system .See if you cant work on something similar for the other sensors.''''No worries. You wanna go have a adrink , just let me know.''''I will .Thanks .''Moses left and I went back to work.The day went by slowly. I founs myself thinking of Maya when peple were trying to talk to meand staring into space wondering whether or not i should call and reschedule with her.I stayed late sighning paperwork and going over the orders with some of the men from the navy. They wre trying to retrofit one of our newer planes with Moses sensor and wanted to know every single detail.I gave them as much as I could and referred them to Moses for the rest.I didnt get home until six o'clock , right about the time I wouldve been getting ready for my date.I waled up to the bedroom where Mona was cleaning up.She looked up and aske.''Whats wrong ?''''Why does everyone keep asking me that?I'm just tired.''She marked her place in her book and followed me out into the hall where she leaned against the banister casually.She stared me down with sharp and squinty eyes.''You're always tired .People expect it .If you wre just tired, then people wouldnt be saying anything.''''Fine, I had to cancel my date, and I feel like a complex pick.''''Why did you cancel it ? I thought you liked her.''''I do like her .That's why am cutting her loose.''''You're hurting her because you like her?what kind of nonsense is that?''''No, I'm saving her from having to put up with me.''''Youre not saving that woman from anything apart from a good night out.It's your second date , and you're worried about intergrating your life with hers?''''I have to be realistic.She's struggling to survive. She doesnt need the stress, I dont think she'll stay around for it, either.Her life is just chaotic as mine and work is her main priorty.''''You are in dire need of a good woman.''Someone who can come in and give you full attention and love.So unless you are going to marry me, you need to get out there and find a woman like that,''''I'm not going to ask her to be my woman.''''Look at me .Im overweight, I smoked for thirty years, and I've had enough liqour in my liver to last three generations.I'm not going to be around forever to help out atleast. Archer.''''Its too big a risk .I know she likes me,Mona, and I dont want her to get hurt when thngs dont work out.''''You're assuming that they wont.''''I'm being pragmatic.''''pragmatism isnt going to get you anywher. Love is a risk ,Archer its one of the most dangerous risks a person will ever take , but it's the most rewarding thing you'll everdo.''''I dont even know if rthat's what this is''''Thats the point .You dont know what's going to happen , and I know that scares you, but what if you're working yorself up over nothing? What if she decides that she loves you and wants to saty?''I dont know. Would you believe we would be having this conversation a month ago.?''I laughed.''No.''''Nothing is for certain,Archer, and ther's nothing wrong with that.Work with life: dont fight it.If you fight it, You'll be struggling until you die.''''Why do you think she'so important?You've never met her.''''I'm not sure she is ,I'm just as pragmatic as you are, but I know that eventually you're going to have to take this this step,Whether it's with her or with somebody else.And you've done enough to this poor girl already. Three times now you've screwed this up.If she's put up with this much, and she still wants to se you, she deserves more credit than you give her,''''Still , I dont want to get into anything that will probably end up in disaster.''''Why?''she asked.''It's too dangerous .She could get hurt.''''You're not worried about her Archer.its you you are worried for, you are scared you'll loose someone you love again.''''That's not true,''''I get it.'' she said holding her heads up in mock resignation.''You are macho, you are invisisble. I'll go back to mocking you in a moment.Dont worry.But right now ,you need to listen me.The risk is minimal.you are not attached , and neither is she.If she walks away right now.It wont matter youll go back to where you left off.''''True, but...''She rose one eyebrow .''Go up to your room and call her.''''I'm going to go get changed.I think Ill call her, but I'll keep whet you said in mind.''''You do that.''She patted me on the shouldre and walked back into the room.A woman would change thing.