THE GAY BARTENDER

ninety two

ations frustrated, Alberto saw no reason to waste any r ime with me. There were, as he explained, more enti rospects.

You may only faintly imagine my state of mind, Ameli was ill for several days, grudgingly nursed by the horrid woman who owned the lodging house. She did not wan orpse on her hands, I suppose, for charity had no part in ctions. As soon as I was well enough to speak, she disco red that I was penniless. This very day she evicted me fro he last refuge I had, poor as it was. I went out, fully dete mined to end a life which had become unbearable. Wh ther option had 1? I had no money and no means of procu ng employment. For all I knew, my darling grandfathe might already be dead. If some miracle had spared him,th dear old gentleman would rightfully refuse to take me back, even if I could communicate with him; and I would rather die than admit to anyone that I had been so cruelly betrayed. My wrongdoing was bad enough; my folly I would admit to no man. No, I had no choice, or so it seemed then; but you need not fear, your kindness has saved me from that ultimate crime.I will not take my own life. But I can no longer stay here. Your countenance is as benevolent as your mind; it betrays no sign of the loathing and disgust you must feel,but you need not spare me. Indeed, I would welcome words of contempt, for punishment relieves some of my feelings of guilt. Speak, Amelia-Miss Peabody-speak, I beg you. Chastise me, and I will welcome your reproaches in the spirit of Christian humility in which I hope to end my miser-able existence.

When she had finished, Evelyn's blue eyes were swimming with tears, and her voice was unsteady; but she had kept her promise to remain calm. She had spoken with vigor and decision throughout the last part of this shameful narrative. I was silent, trying to decide which of many things 1should say first. My silence was painful to the girl; she drev a long,shuddering breath.Her hands were clasped so tighul that the knuckles showed white; the slender shoulders unde my flamnel nightdress were braced as if for a blow.I was in state of some mental confusion. The words that finally cam from my lips were not at all those I had meant to say.

“Tell mne, Evelyn-what is it like? Is it pleasant?”

Evelyn's astonishment was hardly greater than my own but having once begun, I had to explain more fully. I hurrie on.

“You will forgive me for probing into what must be source of pain for you; but I have never had the opportunit of inquiring....One hears such conflicting stories. My sis ters-in-law whisper and shake their heads and speak of th cross a wife must bear. But I have seen the village girls i the meadows with their sweethearts and they seem-the look-in short, they do not seem to find. ... Dear me! How strange, I seem to be at a loss for words. That does not ofter occur. Do you understand what I am trying to ask?”

For a moment longer Evelyn stared at me, her wide eyes brimming. Then an extraordinary grimace crossed her face She covered it with her hands; her shoulders shook convul sively.

“I must apologize,” I said resignedly. “Now I suppose will never know. I did not intend-”

A choked sound from Evelyn interrupted me.She lowered her hands. Her face was flushed and tear-streaked. She was gasping-with laughter.

I took it for hysteria, of course, and moved alertly for ward. She caught my lifted hand.

“No, no, you needn't slap me; I am not at all hysterical. But,Amelia,you are-you are so-Is that really all you can think of to ask me, after such a story as mine?”

I considered the matter.

“Why,I really do not think there is anything else to ask. The shameful behavior of your abominable oldgrandfather and your villain of a lover require no comment. I presume you would have appealed to them.

“And you are not repelled by my ruined character?”

“I do not consider that it is ruined. Indeed, the experience has probably strengthened your character.”

Evelyn shook her head. “I can't believe you are real!”

“There is nothing extraordinary about me. However,I suppose-yes, I am sure that it would be wise for you to make certain I am what I claim to be before you accept the position I offer. My father had friends in academic circles; I can give you references to a clergyman here in Rome,and the consul knows of my-”

“No. I do not need to make such inquiries.” With a ges-ture, Evelyn indicated that I should take a seat on the bed beside her. I did so. She studied me earnestly for a few moments.Then she said,

“Before I answer your question, Amelia, perhaps you will answer one for me. Why did you say, 'I will never know'? Referring, of course,to the question-”

“Well, it is unlikely that I shall ever have firsthand experi-ence. I am fully acquainted with the use of the mirror and the calendar. The latter tells me that I am thirty-two years old; the former reproduces my plain features without flattery. Moreover,my nature does not lend itself to the meekness required of a wife in our society. I could not endure a man who would let himself be ruled by me, and I would not endure a man who tried to rule me. However, I am curious. I had thought....But no doubt I spoke out of place. My brothers assure me that I constantly do so.”

“If I have not answered your question,”Evelyn said, “it is not because I consider it unfair, but because I find it difficult to give a balanced answer. At this time, my recollection of the hours I spent-shall we say in Alberto's arms?-makes a shudder of disgust pass through me. But at the time-at the time....” She leaned forward. Her eyes were brilliant. “Oh, Amelia, under the right circumstances,it is-in a word-perfectly splendid!”