Baby Mommy

VI. The Baby Mommy

Jennie POV

"YOU!"

Lisa looked at me horrified.

We are both trying to figure out what's happening and how to cope up with this awkward conversation. Lisa turned her gazed to her friends.

"Hey, all of you! Stop with this indecency!" Lisa then turned to me.

"Sorry, Jennie. You know them, they're just joking around."

"Except that we are not." Wendy laughing.

I saw Lisa throw a crumpled tissue on her and started their bickering while I zoned out.

*****

I know Lisa's friends as all of us gone to the same university in college.

Lisa was my classmate in Accountancy and that's where we met. Her friends helped her out to court me and eventually we got into relationship. Lisa is one hell of a hot shot in our uni, but, I never had a problem with her. She's perfect, bit of flaws, but still the perfect love of my life. All throughout our college we are happy together. She proposed to me right after we graduated. I said yes as I couldn't be any happier. I'm so inlove with her giving all of me to her. She was first and wanted to be my last.

My inclinations starts to kick in when I'm starting to look for a job. Lisa in just one interview got hired in a very well-known Accounting firm in Korea. While me, I started to look and still no luck even Lisa helped me. She asked me to rest for a while and handle our wedding preparations.

I agreed.

Lisa on the other hand got promoted in less than a year. That's when it got worst.

I'm happy for her. It's just I couldn't help myself to be insecured. I felt like I'm nothing compared to her.

Insecurities starts to eat me. I started to be stressed, agitated and doubt everything.

I didn't tell Lisa anythng about it instead I made her feel all my frustrations. I know that I'm being unfair to her. But still Lisa always made me feel loved. I don't want her to suffer even more if we continue the wedding.

I need to help myself, alone.

Until a week before our wedding, I finally had the courage to asked her to call the wedding off. I told her everything and need to find myself. I cried so hard when I saw how devastated she is. Being the good Lisa she is, she accepted and in her full strength to understand me. She helped me face our friends and families. I hate myself for breaking her but I know I did the right decision. I came out clean and we had a proper closure. She should have hated me but still there she is until the end.

I asked my mom and brother that I need to go to Canada to establish my life there and they agreed. I also ask my mom not to tell Lisa where I am and not not to give details about me.

When I saw her in the grocery store, she changed a lot. Physically. More handsome than she is.

I know that still a part of me still longing for her 'cause I still love her. The only person I ever love.

While I'm in Canada I focused in my studies and career, not paying attention with people who are offering romantic relationships. I shutdown myself from everyone scared to hurt someone again.

I thought that Lisa will be married by now and have kids.

I'm scared to hear that.

I feel relief when Chu confirmed that she didn't have any.

I don't know what to do when I saw her in the office earlier. That I'll be working with her everyday. I want to avoid her after we met again. But, I know for the fact that I want to be close to her again and that's what bugging me every night.

I'm scared that I will hurt her over again.

*****

The dinner ended and Chu approached me as I've been obviously silent.

"Hey, sorry. I'll take you to your car," Chu tapped me.

"No, it's fine. I know you're just helping her out." I nod.

We started walking towards where I parked.

"Lisa's been.. I don't know. She lost confidence and had a hard time finding someone. It's not that we are blaming you. No. You did the right thing, Jen. We are all settled down. Lisa's I know started to accept that she might not be going that way. She's good with kids. And she wants one," Chu smiled weakly at me.

"Forget about what we said earlier. Lisa's right, it's indecent. And you know how we love Lisa to death." Chu explained.

A part of me knows that it's my fault.

"I'll think about it, Chu. I want to make it up to her."

I left her in shock.

*****

I've been tossing and turning on my bed thinking what if I agreed on that proposal. What would Lisa think?

I'm single so as she. Would she be able to trust me again?

I'm not getting any younger, I want a kid, too.

And I want it to be with Lisa ever since.

But this would be just a casual parenting if ever we both agreed.

No personal feelings attached.

Just the kid. Can I handle that?

I dozed off thinking a lot of what ifs in my mind.