Getting Lei'd

Chapter 5

5

Sure enough, even with the more stringent security measures in place, Baggy manages to secure two tickets on the same flight Gary and I were supposed to be on. I can’t imagine how much two last-minute tickets to Hawaii must cost, but Baggy always seems to have an unending supply of crisp hundred-dollar bills in her billfold. I’m sure she whipped a sizable stack of them out and handed them over to the surprised ticket agent.

We stop to use the assembly-line airport restroom, and I realize that I was too quick to check my suitcase that had been in the trunk of Gary’s car. I have no clothes to wear on the airplane, other than my wedding gown. This is less than ideal.

If I hadn’t been in such a state of shock, I’m sure I would have thought of this sooner. I’m not overly surprised that Baggy and Ruthie both stood silently by as I checked a bag of casual clothes rather than mentioning that we might want to change out of our formalwear first. I’m sure they consider the trip even more of an adventure in our fancy bridal attire.

I attempt, unsuccessfully, to tame my wild rat’s nest of hair after we wash our hands in the giant metal trough. Giving up my hair as a lost cause, I point out another seemingly obvious fact that they probably haven’t bothered to consider. “You two don’t have any luggage.”

“Oh, barnacles,” Baggy sort of curses. “I guess we’ll have to buy some grass skirts when we get there.” Her eyes light up with a new thought. “Do you suppose I can find one of them coconut bras that will show off my bodacious tatas?”

I can’t help but smile at her as I glance at her flat, droopy chest. Anyone else her age would be joking, but with Baggy, I’m guessing I should prepare myself for the sight that I’ll never be able to unsee of her dancing around in a coconut b*a in public.

One thing this little getaway is sure to be is unforgettable. Adventures with Baggy always are.

As we sit at the gate waiting to board the aircraft, I have a panic attack. What if Gary and Lizzie are on the flight? If Baggy and Ruthie were able to secure tickets, maybe Lizzie did, too.

The image of the pre-wedding breakup text from Gary flashes into my head, unwanted. “I can’t do this. Lizzie and I r in love. Sorry.”

The fact that he deemed it appropriate to relay this information by text is inexplicable. His word choice infuriates me the most, though. First off, when sending a text of this magnitude, is it really too much trouble to spell out the word are?

The “Sorry” at the end really irks me, too. He couldn’t even be bothered to insert an “I’m” in the half-assed apology? Yes, you are sorry, you ridiculous jerk. Unbelievable. At least it didn't say, “We’re sorry.”

I know this isn’t how it should be when two people are getting ready to promise to spend the rest of their lives with each other, but the betrayal by my lifelong best friend hurts more than that of my almost husband. I wish the text had said that he is in love with her, not that they are in love. It hurts so much more knowing that my best friend since the first day of kindergarten would do this to me. I guess my feelings about this whole fiasco prove that it is probably a good thing that today did not turn out to be my wedding day. I was evidently about to marry the wrong man.

Apparently I dodged a bullet. That doesn’t excuse the manner in which Gary chose to dump me, though. Inconceivable. That’s all I have to say about that right now.