Born Again

CHAPTER 1

"A meaningful life is not being rich, being highly educated, or being perfect.Its about being real, being humble, being able to share ourselves and touch the lives of others."

My name is Alexia. Just turned 28 living a sad average life going back and forth from work and home, its been like that since i can remember. In my younger days where i should be living a care free life like those children in playground near my house it was but just a dream that i could not reach why u may ask because it is a miracle that i am even alive. Yes i am alive i survived up till now. Having above average earning salary parents, living in a two bedroom apartment, having a car,living in a good neighbourhood. how can a kid living in those condition not become care free you may ask well, having a good setting does not meaning you are living a great life does it no it does not. i dont know when it started or how it started that constant abuse not physical but mental because there is a little of childhood memory that i do remember of me being happy with them being loved by them or was it just a memory that i created subconsciously to help get through this that one day again we will become happy and i will be loved. Well whatever it was it helped me survive the constant emotional abuse but it all changed when the day i turned 16 father left and from that day mother started to release her stress on me  that is birthday gift i received from her physical abuse.

I survived YES I survived after all of that i was able to survive. even after all that mental torture i was able to maintain a good result in school earn my own pocket money it was a blessing that my parents paid for education uptill high school maybe as a payment for them to release there stress on me i guess. even though i was able to maintain a good grade in school and keep up with my part time job i was but a loner even if i had a free time in which i could spend as a carefree teenager i couldn't maybe because of the constant abuse i must have built a wall that didnt allow others to reach to me and me wanting to reach out but failing in my attempt very time i find an opportunity.

Now fast forwarding to the stage in life where now i am a average salary earner living with my now drug addict mother.My life now has become a little peaceful the physical abuse has stopped since the day became an employee  but emotional well just say it is there sometimes when she is in the mood now i am just used to it that i can tune it off but it does cut deep which keeps me awake at night.

As time goes by i find less meaning to the life i am living.This constant repeat is tiring me out.i thought that if i survive through the my school life and uni life quietly things will get better who knew that after that the office life i an actual war zone they dont teach you that in school if you arent close with other employees your are either taken advantage off or either outcasted by them no matter how hard you work rumors fly around that my hard work was earned through other means and no matter how much you try to deny it the more it becomes the truth that at point i myself that did i really not earn it through my own sweat and blood.It was getting to much for me too bear my home which wasnt one in any way, my work which was surrounded by endless degrading rumors and my life was nothing but like a bland food leftover food that my mother sometimes blesses me with it whenever she is in the mood to cook it.Stand here on the roof of this  miserable company under the beautiful sky surrounded by other tall buildings on this beautiful day. It is wonderful day to end my LIFE!

"OH YES IT IS A WONDERFUL DAY GO ON COME WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR JUST JUMP OFF THIS BUILDING THEY WILL HAVE A BEAUTIFUL SORRY CERTIFICATE AND A BOUQUET READY JUST FOR YOU TO APOLOGIZE FOR SPREADING FALSE RUMOR. OH AND YOUR MOTHER WILL BE CRYING RIVER OVER YOUR DEATH AND YOUR FATHER WILL ALSO RETURN EVERYTHING WILL BE FINE AND DANDY AFTER U JUMP OFF. IS THAT WHAT YOU THINK ALEXIA. DID U REALLY SURVIVE ALL THAT s**t IN THE PAST JUST TO GIVE UP NOW. GO DOWN WRITE A RESIGNATION LETTER AND THROW IN THE FACE OF THAT INCOMPETENT BOSS OF YOURS HOW CANT KEEP HIS EMPLOYEES UNDER CHECK AND DO IT BEFORE THEY FIRE YOU DAMN IT."

Yes that was my very strong,brave inner conscience talking to me. It was may be because of my strong conscience that i was able to survive uptill now and guess for once i did what it told me leaving everyone baffled. Yes i did the right thing to quit i can get another job and if no one hire me i have enough hidden money to start my own small business i can do this NO i will do this.It was the first time i was returning home early after starting my job i wonder if mother is at home what beautiful phrases awaits me when she finds out i quit but instead i received something much worse.I would have gladly accepted those word instead of a knife in the gut. I knew this would happen one of these days but i was wrong about one thing i always imagined the police raiding the apartment never thought it would be the gangster coming for their over due money and stolen drug. It just had to happen today just when i decided to live my life the way i wanted. Looks like i should lose all hope of ever reaching the hospital let a near by clinic is this how my life going to end no i dont want this to end i will not end it like this but this gut churning sickening pain is unbearable i am losing all my strength and slowly being surrounded by darkness. 

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