I Fell for The Angel That Killed Me

5- Pizza

“Later,” Neb waved at Shin as she pulled out of the curb, driving off. They both had just finished a shift and Shin dropped her at her place as her parents owned the building. They also owned the coffee shop where she worked. Yes, Shin was loaded and reloaded as she was a model too. But she was never lazy and in the almost year she was here and gotten to know her, Nebula admired her for it.

She watched the expensive car driven by her equally beautiful friend, drive into the parking lot before she turned to the other side, and hesitantly walked inside her building.

Nebula had a second mind about going into her apartment alone. That creepy feeling, she had gotten a few months back, had returned last week. She half wanted to ask Shin to hang out with her. Instead, she had texted Jon.

Again.

She had texted him about the study group earlier when she got off work and was still awaiting his reply. She stared at her door a few minutes before going in.

‘It’s just a creepy feeling Neb. That’s it. Nothing else.’

Jon and her were studying tonight alone as the other three had bailed, so he was coming over to her place...she hoped. That was only if he got her message as his phone was off. Usually, they studied at the library or the study room. So, hopefully, tonight he would bring pizza, as usual whenever he stayed the night with her. When he was with her nothing happened. No nightmares no visions.

He was her savior- literally from herself.

The visions and dreams she used to have, were almost non-existent since her move to Korea, almost a year ago. Her mind was at ease only because Jon was nearby. One thing was definite and that was it never came when Jon was with her. Never not even once.

So now she always wanted him with her. But even sometimes he couldn’t be with her, so she drank. Alcohol was almost her best friend at times and most importantly- it was mostly acceptable in South Korea. When she was intoxicated, she never woke up, until her alarm went off. She was never taking pills again. She swore to it. They made her body feel numb but not her brain.

She just couldn’t shake that uneasy feeling she was getting now. It was the same as she had when she stepped into her class months back. She was so jittery that she couldn’t concentrate properly that entire week. She almost lost her credits too.

She also learned to ask the professors in advance about the grading type as each one had a vastly different set of rules. It was something she never achieved in America because she was always afraid. Being with Jon eased her mind so much that she had changed mentally.

It was such a frustrating week for her, as she was now worried again. With no real friends back in America, as most thought, she was dark and weird and she also had no family to call to be worried about. So it wasn’t that. The feeling was similar but yet it was different entirely. And last week, she had seen eyes again. So that was now two times she saw what she assumed were eyes. It was still blurry in her mind. She couldn’t explain it to herself let alone Jon. Who was in her room? Was it someone from her school? Work? Someone she knew? It definitely was the same person from before.

Neb had showered and had just finished her chocolate drink when she sensed Jon before she heard a knock on the door. She smelled it.

‘Pizza.’

“Neb?” It was Jon. But why was he knocking? Strange. She pulled opened the door without stepping out and voiced her thoughts, “why are you knocking?”

“Um...I have a paper to work on and it’s due tomorrow so...” he was scratching his scalp.

“Oh, God Jon. You just remembered that? I asked you to spend the night with me. Geez. Why can’t you do it here? Like you usually do? I need you tonight. It’s here again.” She pointed to her head at the same time she noticed his bare hands...

‘Wait. Where is the pizza?’

He’d been staying with her till she slept away on the nights he when he could.

“Neb. Listen. I came straight here without showering,” he was now rubbing his chest over his t-shirt.

“Fine, I’ll stay with you,” she stepped sided him and pulled her sneakers on grabbing her keys off the cabinet next to the doorway. Jon grabbed her hand and pulled her behind him hurriedly into her tiny apartment and gently closed the door. Just as she knew he would. “Would you stop cutting me off? I’m trying to tell you something,” his tone hushed now.

“How come we can never go to your place?”

“Nebula...I have roommates, I told you. Wait. Aish. (Gosh) Just listen. And don’t be mad, okay?”

Nebula folded her arms across her chest and pouted. Jon laughed, “You are the most important to me but...” he stated in his calm voice before she cut him off.

“See. No problem Jon.”

Already her mind came to ease and she walked over to the sofa pulling out her one study book for tonight. In an exhausted voice, she muttered,” I had another bad feeling Jon.”

He thinks she has an anxiety disorder.

“What? When? Why didn’t you say so earlier?” a sweaty Jon asked, frowning lightly, raking his slim fingers through his long hair, pushing it back.

‘Why is he not holding a pizza?’

“Because I knew you would be here and I would have told you like I’m telling you now.”

She motioned on the seat next to her for Jon to scoot on over to sit.

‘I’m smelling pizza. Did one of my neighbor’s order pizzas?’

“Neb...You should have said something earlier. I only came because you texted me. I have company tonight. I was going home to finish my paper but I got your message...when the group canceled earlier, I thought you could use the rest, so I was on the field,” he walked towards her, flipping his hair back as he spoke. Stopping in front of her he asked, “Bab meogeosseo, (Did you eat) are you hungry?”

Neb stood up and went on her toes and kissed him fully on the lips. She had only kissed him like this a few times. She hardly dared to do so except here in her private quarters. She was getting frustrated living like a nun she thought.

She needed him.

She moaned as her body leaned into his. Meshing their lips together as she felt his hands on her waist. But he wasn’t pulling her closer. Jon was strange she had noticed. She tried to blame it on his strict upbringing but now she doubted. Here in Korea, most of the students didn’t even have their first relationship yet. He didn’t kiss her fully either since she moved here. Not in any deeply meaningful way and whenever she tried to, he always pulled away. And she was ready for the next step in their relationship. In times like this, she missed America the most.

She missed the food too. And pizza.

“Neb. Yah. (Hey.) Don’t be angry.” He pushed her away from his warmth holding her in front of him. She wasn’t angry, she was hurt. Neb pulled away and walked into the kitchen area putting the cup she drank from earlier into the sink eyeing the plates in it.

Jon followed her hugging her from behind. He was a hugger.

“But I was saying that I know you need me here tonight. So, I brought him over. To your place,” Jon was whispering now.

She ignored what he said.

“Are you avoiding me, Jon? Are you breaking up with me?”

Neb held the sink with both hands and bent her head. Tears brimming her eyes, threatening to spill.

“What? Ani(no)....Neb, ulji mala.(don’t cry) Can we talk later about this?” He turned her around and wiped the tears that fell.

“Sure. It’s okay. I’m going to bed.” She didn’t feel like studying anymore. Walking to the front door she removed her sneakers putting on inside slippers with him behind her.

“I don’t want to argue Jon. It’s exhausting and I’m tired. Just stay a bit.”

“No. Neb. Aish. Wait. It’s...” but he cut himself off when she took his hand and gently squeezed it.

-You’re my forever guy Jon.- echoed in her mind.

At least he still spent the nights with her until she slept away. Whether on the sofa or on her bed. But he never did anything else. He just hugged her till she slept away. They had never done anything except sleep and he had never rushed her. She often found herself wondering the past few weeks if Jon was pushing her away because of it. Maybe she waited too long? And he didn’t want to anymore?

‘He’s not breaking up with me!’

No, Koreans take studying first then make time for relationships. Don’t they? They did have a discussion about it years ago and had decided to wait until they got married. Although they never did say if it was with each other... Did he not plan to be with her?

‘He’s really breaking up with me?’

She shrugged it off with a, ‘no not Jon. He’s not like that.’

She was turning around with the thought, 'no he won’t do that to me...will he? Am I not Korean enough?' when she got the pizza smell the same time the door was pushed from the outside making her face the door and the person walking in.

“Am I fool?” her eyes opened wide as Tae-Hee walked in holding a flat large box.