Confessions of a Pornstar

Home alone

-Two weeks later-

*DAMIEN’S P.O.V.*

It’s been so boring around my apartment. I felt like I was just people watching at this point. I didn’t know what to do with myself. It became so frustrating and pathetic because now I was staring at my phone waiting for it to miraculously ring.. which it didn’t by the way..

Everyday was the same. Gym, coffee break, watch tv til my brain hurt and walking to the nearest cafe for dinner then sleep. It was such a monotonous routine that the employees wherever I went knew me or knew what I wanted to order. Which was fine because I’m not a big talker.

I began to contemplate my life and then it hit me. I needed to vent all of this frustration out. What I was thinking and feeling. Maybe I could get a sense of what I needed in life. Yea deep down I wanted love but most importantly I wanted someone to want ME. I wanted something thrilling and addicting. I needed a release and not by my own hand. I wanted pleasure and pain. I wanted love and trust. I wanted it all in one single perfect goddess. If she’s out there.

I decided that since I was already used to filming that I should make a video diary. To just confess all my feelings. That was it. That was my plan. So I ran to my office and immediately stopped In my doorway and sighed deeply. I leaned in the doorframe and looked inside.

I stared at my camera and lights that were already set up in-front of a loveseat. Behind the loveseat were a couple of bookshelves that contained various flesh lights, lubricants and vibrators neatly showcased. I guess my side gig as a ‘OnlyFans’ content creator will have to be on hold for awhile.

I chuckled to myself. Apparently I find myself amusing. But realization kicked in and I debated whether I should keep the toys displayed or put them away.

After an hour of arguing with myself I decided to keep them out. This is who I am. This is what I do and what makes me, me. No shame in hiding it now. I take a deep breath and walk back to the loveseat and sit.

Lights, camera, action…*sigh*… I suppose this is my little experiment. Or maybe just my own therapy. Ughhhh!!.. how does one even start these things?!… I’m so used to be filmed I should be a natural. But this goes deeper beyond my job. This is about me and my navigation to find something more.

I run my hair hands through my hair in frustration and fix the camera and sit back down.

Taking a deep breath I begin…

“Hello? Today is July 22nd and my name is Damien Alexander Gray and I am an adult film star. Also known as Damien Wolf.

I groan at how stupid I sound but continue anyway.

“This is day one of my video diary. And I look like a moron talking to a camera about my feelings.”.. I lean back and rub my face.

“I guess I’m just doing this to help myself mentally. Maybe find out where I’m making a mistake in my f*****g life. Figure why I can’t find one woman to satisfy me? I don’t know.”

At this point I’m aggravated and give up and shut the camera off. Maybe tomorrow I’ll feel up to it.

—————————————————————-

-Two weeks later-

My vacation is coming to an end and my ‘therapy’ is going ok. I mean I ran out things to talk about. Hell I’m not even talking at this point. I sit there talking about my toys.I have yet to get into my feelings. I built a wall that doesn’t even open for myself. I’ve buried everything deep down that it no longer exists.

My phone rings and a smile creeps on my face as I read Janice’s name on the caller ID.

I press the ‘accept’ button.

“Janice.”

“Damien” she retorts mocking my deep voice as best she can before she chuckles.

“It’s good to hear from you too darling. I have some news for you.”

“Shoot.”

“Well for starters I found you a new costar who might actually keep up with you. So you know the routine. Get your check ups and read the emails I sent you for all the details and where to meet up.” She explains and takes a deep breath. “Have you gotten enough rest?”

I roll my eyes at the question. But before I can say a word she speaks again.

“I know you’re not rolling your eyes at me young man.” She retaliates.

I chuckle and walk to my kitchen.

“I would never, mi amor” I joke and hear her silent chuckle.

“You know the key to my heart.” She breathes. “By the way, I hired some help. More like an assistant to your assistant. So while I’m basically managing everything for you, she’ll be helping you with whatever you need, whether it be rubbing on baby oil, getting you water,. Just whatever you need her to do while I’m busy. So don’t be an ass to her. Got that?”

I listen and sigh to myself.

“Fine. But I make no promises about being a pain in the ass.” I retort jokingly and Janice chuckles.

“Boy what will I ever do with you?. Alright King Kong I will send those emails and just make sure you get that ass in gear. “ I will see you in a few days.” She hangs up.

Ugh new help? Someone new to adjust to and who has to adjust to me? Great.