A Fresh Start

A long recovery

recovery was a long and tiresome process and I had never felt more alone in my life. I spent my days in physical therapy and my nights I spent crying myself to sleep over the loss of my baby girl. I would wake up in the middle of the night with nightmares of a baby crying and me walking into a dark nursery and seeing a baby in the crib covered in blood and lying lifeless. every time I would wake up screaming enjoy, my nerves would come running in and give me something to help me go back to sleep. Joy was such a wonderful nurse, when she wasn't busy she would always stop in my room to check on me and she always was asking if there was something that she could get for me to make me more comfortable. sometimes Joy would just come into my room and sit with me and let me talk or I would listen to her talk. she told me all about her dog Mickey and her husband carl, who she had met while she was in nursing school, they had gone on a blind date and from that time on they were inseparable. she told me that Carl was a children's story writer and that he worked from home. she also told me about how Carl and she had been at the flea market one day and they saw a guy with a puppy in a cage at his booth, the puppy looked like a big ball of fur and she was so tiny, she could not be more than maybe 7 weeks old. well, Joyce said that when the puppy looked up at her with those big brown eyes her heart melted and she knew that she had to have her so Carl talked to the guy and he bought her and they brought her home with them and that was 8 years ago. over the two months that I spent in the hospital joy had become my best friend. I cried on her shoulder, laughed at her jokes and I told her everything about my past, there wasn't anything that Joy did not know about me and I don't think there was anything that I did not know about Joy either. one evening Joy came into my room and sat down and said, AJ I need to ask you something. I was somewhat shocked but I said, okay what is it? well as you know you will be released from the hospital next week and from what you have told me I know that you really do not have any family or any place to go once you are released, she started. so I have talked to Carl about you and if you would like we would love to have you come and stay with us until you get on your feet. I started to speak but, before I could say anything she held up her hand. before you say anything I want you to know that we have plenty of room and you would not be any trouble at all, she said with a smile. tears instantly spring to my eyes, I just don't know what to say that is the sweetest offer that anyone has ever made to me, I said with a crack in my voice. I really would love that, if you are sure that I would not be any father to Carl or to you, I quickly said. Joy squeezed me in a hug and said, don't be silly you will be no trouble at all we even have a room ready for you because I knew you would say yes, she said. I laughed at that. I promise that just as soon as I am on my feet I will be out of your hair, I said trying to let her know that I really didn't want to be in Carl and her way. like I said we have plenty of room and you are welcome to stay with us as long as you would like, she said with a smile. when they release you next week I promise I will be here to help you pack up your things, she told me. thank you Joy, you really do not know just how much this means to me, I replied. Joy went back to work and I turned on my television and flipped through the channels until I came up on a comedy sitcom and then I sat back and watched the antics until I fell asleep. that was the best sleep I had had in a long while I did not dream the nightmares that I usually had I think it was because slowly I was starting to recover from the trauma that I had just received. having a friend like Joy has meant the world to me with my stay here in the hospital and I am hoping that I can continue having her as my friend. I am also hoping that Carl will be just as nice as she is. I know that I will have a long road ahead of me but I intend to get back on my feet and try to put together the broken pieces of My Life. I know that I will need to find a job so that way I can pay my own way because I do not want to be a burden on anyone I don't want anyone to have to take care of me. I learned the hard way from Rico that having to depend on someone can set you up for failure. also I will need to set up an appointment to see a therapist because grieving from my daughter is really causing a lot of depression for me and I cannot go through life like this. I had always wanted to have a little girl because I knew that we would be friends just like I've been friends with my mom. I had wanted to name her Adriana which to me was the most beautiful name in the world.