The Choosing Game

Realization

Alex's POV:

Have you even been in love?

Horrible, isn't it?

It makes you so vulnerable....

It opens your chest and it opens your heart and it means someone can get inside you and mess you up.

You build up all these defenses. You build up this whole armor, for years, so nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life.

You give them a piece of you. They don't ask for it. They do something dumb one day like kiss you, or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore.

Love takes hostages. It gets inside you.

It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so a simple phrase like "maybe we should just be friends" or "how very perceptive" turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart.

It hurts.

Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It's a soul-hurt, a body-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. I hate love.

Neil Gaiman said this and he couldn't be anymore right only difference is i love every bit of love. The sleepless nights, a thousand images of her running through my mind and funny enough I don't hate the pain at all.

The only problem is.. How do you approach a person who is petrified of feelings and tell them this? Keeping it to myself has been killing me. I need to talk to someone. Who? I had just the perfect person in mind.

I met Anna in the stables for our weekly horse ride, she was brushing her horse Firefly waiting for me. She spoted me and frowned "you look awful"

I just smiled at her remark. I went to my already saddled horse and climbed atop. " you ready?"

She eyed me suspiciously and nodded. We rode in silence until we got far from the castle. " will you tell me what is wrong?" She asked

I smiled again "how did you know that you were in love with Jason?" She was taken aback by the question.

She seemed to be thinking then she said " the thought of him became my favorite form of self indulgence. The sound of his voice sends chills down my spine, i can listen to him speak about nothing all day. I miss him so much before he is even gone. I think about him so much that I can't differentiate between dream and reality"

As she spoke I connected every dot. "Who are you in love with?" She asked carefully. I smiled widely at her. She frowned "don't say Ruby or Sasha !"

I smiled and stayed quiet " if it's one of them I swear it is not Love. They're witches and you are under a spell " she warned

I laughed whole heartedly " it's not them"

"The who? Please tell me." She steered her horse closer to mine

"Promise you won't say anything to her or anyone else about it?" She nodded eagerly.

"Lilliana" I said smiling. Even her name brings joy to my heart.

Anna squealed loudly " I knew it! Right from the day you saw her interview and insisted on her. I knew you loved her" i recall now. I have loved her since then, she's right. " I'm so happy it's her.. I love her too" I chuckled at the comment and she giggles too like a happy school girl.

"How do you tell someone who doesn't want to hear anything remotely close to that?" I run my hand through my deshelved hair.

She looks at me with a pitiful smile "then don't tell her"

"What?" I asked trying to confirm if she has gone mad

"Don't tell her, show her " she smirked

"You're right.."

"But be patient with her" she added

Soon enough we got back to the castle and parted ways to our various duties. I came back to the throne room and took my seat but i couldn't concentrate one bit. I couldn't comprehend anything that was said because only her thought seems like the language I understand.

As I stepped out of the throne room, i ran into Eric who looked tired. We haven't been on taking terms so i assumed he would just go his way but he stopped in front of me and stayed quiet.

"Can we talk?" He asked

"Sure" I replied. We walked in silence until we got to my chamber.

He opened his mouth to talk but I beat him to it "if this is about her then NO!" I said sternly. He looked surprised "anyone but her" i said half whispering

He kept quiet for a while the said "you love her. Don't you?"

"I do. With every fiber of my being, i do" I said looking bashful.

"I'm sorry. I didn't release" he said "I'll back off i promise" he smiled at me.

"Can it not be awkward between us anymore?" I asked, it isn't how we used to talk to each other.

He laughed "Dude! You are in love! This is huge" he said pulling me into a manly hug.

I chuckled "huge" i mused. I was terrified.

He pulled away "so.? Have you told her?" He asked sitting down on the sofa.

"Are you kidding?!" I asked sitting down too, i buried my head in my palms, i was in a bind "i don't know how" i whispered "she is going to FREAK"

"She is going to freak out" he agreed with me. "What will you do then? He then asked.

I shrugged "Anna said to show her and have lots of patience." I explained.

"That's great advice and for what is worth, i think she likes you. Maybe she hasn't quite arrived at love yet but there is hope for you my friend" he said making me feel so giddy inside.

I rested my head on the head of the coach and groaned "i thought this whole choosing and finding THE ONE would be a breeze. I thought my biggest problem would be falling in love with all of them but here i am, madly in love with the one person that would probably run to the hills at the slightest hint of this" i lamented.

"It really isn't as bad as you are making it seem" Eric chuckled "last month she could not stand your presence but now you are actually good friends and that is what you call progress." He pointed out.

"I guess" i mused quietly. We sat in silence thinking about my dilemma. The sound of my phone ringing brought me out of my haze, it was Sasha. I had completely forgotten that i was supposed to meet up with her today, in fact i was on my way to her when i got sidetracked by talking to Eric.

I groaned loudly "i'm guessing that is either twiddle dee or twiddle dumb" Eric joked, he knew it couldn't be Lilly, i would be ecstatic if she called me right now.

"Sasha" i said into the phone, after hitting the answer button.

"Alex! I have been waiting for you for over an hour! Where are you?" She sounded mad but i did not really care.

"I will be right there" i said cutting the call.

I stood up and adjusted myself "i will see you later man" i said to Eric and head out. Eric and i have been best friends since we were both in diapers, we fight like all friends do but we have always had each other's back. He, Sasha and i were kind of inseparable when she first moved to the court but after she came back from college, well she came back as this Sasha that we all know and avoid and that was the end of her friendship with Eric.

I arrived at the lady's quarters in no time, i wanted to get this date over with already. She was seated in the living room with her usual squad, they all leaped to their feet at my appearance, at the corner sat Lilliana and Emily on the side Harrods, they were engaged in a conversation.

My heart stopped at the sight of her, she glanced my way slightly then went back to her conversation, Emily waved at me but she (Lilly) did not so much as smile at me. I was hurt a bit but i guess that is one of the reasons why i fell in love with her. While the other girls fawned over me, she wasn't shaken the slightest bit.

"Shall we?" I asked Sasha.

"But you only got here! Stay and chat" Ruby said, smiling seductively.

"No way! It's my turn with him" Sasha said, looping her arm into mine and pulling me away from them. I could see lilly rolling her eyes from the corner of mine.

"Let's get going" i said, i was wary of them "see you later ladies" i said pulling her with me. Sasha is the kind of girl that liked loud and over priced places, i didn't mind that she did but Lilly.. she loves quiet places, she loves to go to the little places, she never really appreciated anything high class.

"Daddy said he would like to have lunch with you when he gets back to town" she told me, we were seated in the vip side of Margo's, a five star restaurant.

"Why?" I asked, elimination would be soon. I knew Sasha was most likely going home, i mean after her performance at the talent show, there was no way she will scale through but i was really worried about her father, he is an over ambitious guy and he would do just about anything to get his daughter to the throne.

"Oh you know daddy.. he probably just wants to give you the third degree about us, but don't worry he only does that to protect his little girl" she said with a smug smile, i almost felt bad for her.

"Ok" i simply replied with a smile, i don't think either Sasha or her family have thought of what it would mean for her if she got eliminated, things like what she would do with her life when she stops obsessing over being queen.

"You are awfully quiet today. Are you alright?" She asked.

"I'm fine, i've got a lot on my mind lately" i sigh, i did not want to talk about what was bothering me with her. "I hope you ladies are getting along nicely" i said instead.

"You could say that, but those two! Urghh! Especially that Lilliana or whatever, she is such a heathen. Why do you even put up with her?" She asked me with a pinched expression.

I wanted to reply to that but i knew the best thing was to pretend i did not hear her. "Really! At least that Emily is cultured unlike her, she acts all tough but she is just really out of place and .."

"Shut up!" I cut her off, i was annoyed at what she just said. I have never spoken ill about one of the girls to another or tolerated them doing so, so it wasn't just about Lilly even though it kind of was.

"Excuse me?!" She was taken aback by my outburst.

"I don't tolerate slander" i said curtly, i looked at my phone and sighed when i saw a text from Luke "look Sasha i'm sorry to cut this short but i have to get back to the castle"

"Look Alex, i don't know what the hell is wrong with you today but i will let it go. I just want you to understand that i will not accept this kind of behavior when we are married" she spoke and i wanted to snort at that.

"Let's go" i said, simply ignoring what she just said. I could not believe how naive she is. I drove her home and went straight to my room feeling unbelievably tired.