Unhidden

Chapter Twenty-Jamal

Three months.

Three months.

That was how long it had been since I lost Andre.

Three months since I had stood in his apartment and watched the man I loved ask me for space.

Three months since I had walked out of his home with my heart shattered.

Three months since I had promised myself I would give him time.

And three months since I had broken that promise every single day by calling him.

Texting him.

Leaving voice notes.

Sending messages I knew he might never answer.

I had lost count.

Hundreds?

Maybe thousands.

I didn’t even know anymore.

Sometimes I would type a message, stare at it for ten minutes, and delete it.

Sometimes I would send it.

Sometimes I would record a voice note and immediately regret it.

Sometimes I would just call.

And wait.

And listen to the phone ring until it stopped.

Andre never answered.

Not once.

He opened my messages.

I knew he did.

But he never replied.

And somehow, that hurt almost more.

Three months.

The world had moved on.

The media had moved on.

My family had moved on.

My father had made sure of that.

Carter Group had issued statements.

Lawyers had contacted media outlets.

Stories had been redirected.

Other business headlines had appeared.

And just like that, the story about the mysterious firefighter and Jamal Carter disappeared.

That was what my family did.

We had enough influence to make people forget.

But I couldn’t forget.

Not for one second.

My father had eventually stopped asking questions.

He believed me when I told him I didn’t know Andre.

Or maybe he simply decided there was nothing else worth pursuing.

Either way, he had moved on.

And now he had moved on to something else.

Blessing.

Again.

“Jamal, you should take Blessing out.”

“Jamal, she’s a good woman.”

“Jamal, people already know your families are close.”

“Jamal, you’re not getting younger.”

Every conversation seemed to lead back to marriage.

A wife.

Children.

Family.

Legacy.

The perfect Carter son.

The perfect life.

And every time my father spoke about it, I felt like I was suffocating.

I couldn’t tell him.

I couldn’t tell my mother.

I couldn’t tell anyone.

My mother knew something was wrong.

Of course she did.

She was my mother.

She had asked me so many times.

Over and over.

“Jamal, what happened?”

“Are you unhappy?”

“Is someone hurting you?”

“Is there someone you’re in love with?”

And every single time, I lied.

“I’m fine.”

“Nothing happened.”

“I’m just tired.”

“Work is stressful.”

I had become very good at lying.

Too good.

So I buried myself in work.

Meetings.

Projects.

Contracts.

Emails.

Flights.

Presentations.

Board meetings.

Numbers.

Deadlines.

I worked until midnight.

Sometimes until two in the morning.

Sometimes I slept in my office.

I convinced myself that if I was busy enough, I wouldn’t think about him.

It didn’t work.

Nothing worked.

Because no matter how busy I became…

I still thought about Andre.

Every morning.

Every night.

Every time my phone rang.

Every time I saw a firefighter.

Every time I passed a restaurant where we’d eaten.

Every time I saw the bracelet on my wrist.

I was still wearing it.

Three months later.

A and J.

Andre and Jamal.

I couldn’t take it off.

Today, I was sitting in my office staring at a contract I had read three times and still couldn’t understand.

My eyes burned.

My head hurt.

I was exhausted.

I picked up my phone.

I called Marcus.

Again.

It rang.

No answer.

I called again.

Still nothing.

I sighed.

“Come on, Marcus.”

Nothing.

I put the phone down.

I knew I was probably becoming annoying.

But Marcus was the only connection I had left to Andre.

Even if he didn’t tell me anything.

Even if he never answered.

I still called.

Because sometimes hearing the phone ring made me feel like I wasn’t completely cut off from the man I loved.

The office door opened.

I looked up.

Malik walked in.

He closed the door behind him.

Then he looked at me.

He didn’t say anything for several seconds.

“What’s wrong?”

I frowned.

“Nothing.”

He stared at me.

“Don’t.”

I looked down at my desk.

“I’m working.”

“You’ve been working for fourteen hours.”

“I’m the CEO.”

“You’re also human.”

“I’m fine.”

Malik walked closer.

“No, you’re not.”

I sighed.

“Malik.”

“Jamal.”

His voice was different.

Serious.

Not brotherly teasing.

Not business.

Something deeper.

“You are my baby brother.”

I looked up.

“I don’t like seeing you in pain.”

I didn’t answer.

“Everybody can see it.”

My throat tightened.

“I can see it.”

He pulled the chair in front of my desk and sat down.

“Mom can see it.”

I looked away.

“Even Dad can probably see it.”

That scared me.

I looked back at him.

Malik leaned forward.

“So I’m asking you.”

He paused.

“What’s going on?”

“Nothing.”

“Jamal.”

“I’m fine.”

“Stop saying that.”

His voice became sharper.

“You’re not fine.”

I looked down.

“I can’t watch you do this to yourself anymore.”

I swallowed.

“Do what?”

“Whatever this is.”

He gestured toward me.

“You’re barely sleeping. You’re working constantly. You look exhausted. You don’t go anywhere. You don’t socialize. You don’t even argue with me anymore.”

I almost smiled.

“That’s your concern?”

“Yes.”

He shook his head.

“You used to annoy the hell out of me.”

“Still do.”

“Good.”

He smiled faintly.

“At least you’re talking.”

Then his expression became serious again.

“I’m going to ask you something.”

I knew immediately what it was.

My stomach dropped.

“Do you know that firefighter?”

Silence.

I couldn’t breathe.

Malik watched me.

“I’m not asking you as the vice president of Carter Group.”

He leaned forward.

“I’m not asking you as Dad’s son.”

He lowered his voice.

“I’m asking you as your brother.”

My eyes burned.

“And as your best friend.”

I looked away.

“Malik…”

“I need you to be honest with me.”

I said nothing.

“I need the truth.”

I swallowed.

“Please.”

His voice softened.

“Do you know him?”

I closed my eyes.

Three months.

Three months of lying.

Three months of pretending.

Three months of carrying this alone.

I couldn’t do it anymore.

I looked at my brother.

“Yes.”

Malik went completely still.

“Yes, I know him.”

He didn’t say anything.

I wiped my face.

“He’s not a stranger.”

Malik’s expression changed.

“Then who is he?”

My voice broke.

“He’s my boyfriend.”

Silence.

I looked at him.

“Andre is my boyfriend.”

Malik stared at me.

I could see the shock in his face.

I immediately started crying.

“I’m gay.”

The words felt terrifying.

But also…

Free.

“I’m gay, Malik.”

He didn’t move.

“I’ve been with Andre for four years.”

His mouth opened slightly.

“Four years?”

I nodded.

“Four years.”

I wiped my face.

“I love him.”

Malik looked at me for a long time.

“Does Dad know?”

“No.”

“Mom?”

“No.”

“Anyone?”

I shook my head.

“Nobody.”

“Nobody?”

“Nobody.”

Malik leaned back.

I could see him trying to process everything.

I looked at him desperately.

“Andre doesn’t want anything to do with me anymore.”

“What?”

“He wants space.”

“Since the incident?”

“Yes.”

“Three months?”

I nodded.

“He hasn’t spoken to you?”

“No.”

“You’ve tried?”

I laughed sadly.

“Marcus probably knows my number better than he knows his own.”

Malik stared at me.

“How many times have you contacted him?”

“I don’t know.”

“Jamal.”

“I don’t know.”

“Hundreds?”

“Probably.”

“Thousands?”

I looked down.

“Maybe.”

He blinked.

“Wow.”

I almost laughed.

“It’s not funny.”

“I know.”

He shook his head.

“I’m just trying to understand.”

I nodded.

“I love him.”

My voice broke again.

“I love Andre so much.”

Malik moved closer.

“I don’t know what I’m going to do if he never wants anything to do with me again.”

“Jamal…”

“I’m scared.”

I looked at him.

“I’m really scared.”

Tears ran down my face.

“What if he never forgives me?”

Malik didn’t answer immediately.

“What if he never wants me again?”

I covered my face.

“I don’t know what that would do to me.”

Malik moved closer.

“Jamal.”

“I don’t know.”

I shook my head.

“I don’t know how to live without him.”

Malik’s eyes softened.

“I want Andre.”

My voice cracked.

“I want him.”

I pressed my hands against my chest.

“He’s the person I want.”

I looked at Malik.

“I know Dad would disown me.”

He didn’t interrupt.

“He’d drive me out.”

My breathing became uneven.

“He’d say things.”

I wiped my tears.

“He’d probably say I ruined the family.”

Malik sighed.

“And maybe I’d lose Carter Group.”

I swallowed.

“But I don’t care about that.”

Malik looked at me.

“I care about Andre.”

I started crying harder.

“I’m dying, Malik.”

He immediately moved closer.

“Hey.”

“Not physically.”

“I know.”

“Not having Andre is killing me.”

My voice cracked.

“I wake up and he’s not there.”

I shook my head.

“I go to sleep and he’s not there.”

“I understand.”

“I can’t call him.”

“I know.”

“I can’t touch him.”

I closed my eyes.

“I can’t even hear his voice.”

Malik wrapped his arms around me.

And I broke.

I buried my face against my brother’s shoulder and cried.

“I love him.”

Malik held me tightly.

“I know.”

“I love him so much.”

“I know.”

“I was scared.”

“I know.”

“I was scared of Dad.”

Malik rubbed my back.

“I was scared of you.”

He sighed.

“I was scared of Mom.”

“I know.”

“I was scared of everybody.”

My voice was muffled against his shoulder.

“I thought they’d hate me.”

Malik was quiet.

“And I thought if I protected my family, everything would be okay.”

He held me tighter.

“But I lost Andre.”

Neither of us spoke.

After a while, Malik finally said,

“Okay.”

I lifted my head.

“Okay?”

He nodded.

“Okay.”

“What does that mean?”

“It means we have a problem.”

I almost laughed through my tears.

“That’s your response?”

“Yes.”

He wiped one of my tears with his thumb.

“And we’re going to figure it out.”

I stared at him.

“You’ll help me?”

“I didn’t say that.”

My heart sank.

Then he sighed.

“But I’m not going to leave you alone in this.”

I stared at him.

“Malik…”

“You’re my brother.”

He shook his head.

“You’ve made some terrible decisions.”

I nodded.

“I know.”

“That press conference?”

I closed my eyes.

“I know.”

“You threw that man under the bus.”

“I didn’t mean to.”

“I know.”

“I was terrified.”

“I know.”

“But you hurt him.”

“I know.”

Malik looked at me seriously.

“And if you love him as much as you’re telling me you do, then you’re going to have to accept that you can’t just expect him to forget.”

“I know.”

“You hurt him.”

“I know.”

“So don’t chase him just because you’re scared of losing him.”

I looked at him.

“Then what do I do?”

“Give him time.”

I shook my head.

“I’ve already given him three months.”

“Three months isn’t a lifetime.”

“But—”

“You look like you can’t give him another three days.”

I went quiet.

He was right.

I couldn’t.

“I need him.”

“I know.”

“Then what do I do?”

Malik sighed.

“You try to fix things with Andre first.”

I stared at him.

“Really?”

“Yes.”

“You’re going to help me?”

He pointed at me.

“I did not say I was going to tell Dad.”

I nodded quickly.

“I know.”

“I said we’ll find a way.”

My eyes filled again.

“Malik…”

He shook his head.

“Don’t cry again.”

I laughed through my tears.

“I’m trying.”

“You’re terrible at it.”

I laughed.

He smiled.

Then he became serious again.

“You’ve managed to keep a relationship hidden for four years.”

I looked down.

“That sounds horrible when you say it like that.”

“It is horrible.”

“Thanks.”

“But it also tells me something.”

“What?”

“You really love him.”

I looked at him.

“Because nobody maintains a relationship for four years under that much pressure unless it means something.”

I swallowed.

“He does love me.”

“You’re sure?”

“Yes.”

“How?”

“Because I know him.”

I smiled sadly.

“He loves me.”

Malik nodded.

“Then maybe this isn’t over.”

My heart jumped.

“Maybe?”

“Don’t get excited.”

I laughed softly.

“I’m just saying love doesn’t disappear in one day.”

I looked down.

“I hope not.”

“I’ll tell you to give him time.”

I sighed.

“But you look like you’re physically incapable of doing that.”

I smiled faintly.

“So…”

He stood.

“You need a plan.”

“What plan?”

“Figure out how to reach him without suffocating him.”

I nodded.

“And when you finally get the chance to talk to him, don’t lie.”

“I won’t.”

“Don’t promise things you can’t keep.”

“I won’t.”

“And don’t make him choose between you and your family.”

I swallowed.

“Okay.”

“Because this time, if you want him, you need to be prepared to stand beside him.”

My eyes filled again.

“I will.”

Malik nodded.

“Good.”

He started toward the door.

Then he stopped.

“Jamal?”

“Yeah?”

“One more thing.”

“What?”

“You’re going to have to tell Mom eventually.”

My heart stopped.

I looked at him.

“Not tonight.”

He shook his head.

“Not tomorrow.”

He opened the door.

“But eventually.”

I nodded.

“Okay.”

He looked at me one last time.

“And Dad?”

I swallowed.

“We’ll figure out Dad later.”

Then he walked out.

The door closed.

I sat there alone.

But for the first time in three months…

I didn’t feel completely alone.

I looked down at my wrist.

The bracelet was still there.

A.

J.

I touched the A charm.

Andre.

I closed my eyes.

“I’ll find a way.”

For the first time, I wasn’t thinking about how to hide.

I was thinking about how to make things right.

Because Malik was right.

I had spent four years finding ways to love Andre in secret.

Now I needed to find a way to fight for him without destroying him again.

And this time…

I couldn’t run.