Lycan's unexpected mate

Waiting in the wings

Atalanta

"I've suggested a meeting after dinner. Do you have time? They will find you," says my father easily. I know that I can't say no because there isn't probably any other suitable time for our talk.

I nod while looking straight at my father. Then I add: "I can make it."

I'm pretty sure that my father wants me to start talking about my intervention on my own but I don't feel prepared. I watch him closely in silence as I try to prepare what I should say. I mean, we have already discussed all the things around so there is probably nothing else remaining. I sigh because I wish my father said something, scolded me, yelled at me. Anything else but this silence.

"Dad. . ." I decide to speak up at the same time as my father addresses me with: "Tali. . ."

We fall quiet again, my thoughts running wild. I don't know if I should apologise or stand my ground that I did the right thing. Moreover, I can't even admit that I have suffered from quite a strong panic attack right after the meeting and was able to make it through only thanks to Diana. I mean, I have no idea why it happened to me because it has never happened before and I generally don't mind speaking in front of a large audience. Maybe it's somehow linked to Carson and that idea scares me to the core. If he is in danger, I have no way of helping him. Furthermore, I don't even know where he is or how to contact him other than him calling me. He hasn't called me, yet, though. I should have asked him for his phone number!

I lift my eyes up when I notice that my father seems to be leaving. He sets the chair back to my desk and goes to the door. I don't understand why he's leaving all of a sudden; maybe someone has mindlinked him. He stays by the door for a while, but then, surprisingly, he walks back into the room and looks out of the window, as if checking that there isn't anyone there. But how could there be? We're on the fifth floor and the balcony can't be reached using normal means thanks to an enchantment.

In the end, my father walks right to me and sits down on my right. He nudges my shoulder and reassures me: "We can't escape it, Tali."

I sigh for the thousandth time today. I expect him to say how disappointed he is with me; however, he pulls me up onto his lap. It reminds me of when I was small and I find comfort in my father's arms. I push myself into his embrace as if to hide there.

"Tali," my father prompts silently, "tell me what happened? Why did you suddenly appear in the conference room?"

I heave a deep breath and hide myself some more. I know I have to come clean now. But I won't admit anything about Carson and Zeus and the amia bond. I just can't.

My father rocks me gently and caresses my hair even though I'm not fifty anymore. Just so you know, Lycans stay children until the age of fifty, then we should be able to control our shifting and hide our scent to blend in with werewolves. We first shift at the age of twenty-one but we know our Lycans from the age of eighteen.

I take in a shuddering breath and admit: "I was just walking around when I heard Alpha Higgins. Diana started raging and I couldn't stand by and listen to that . . . that pathetic excuse of an Alpha."

The disdain is clear in my voice but my father only pulls me closer. "I understand completely, dear. My blood is up every time he starts with his ideas how to deal with rogues. And that he speaks about the topic at almost every gathering."

I don't find this surprising. In every generation, there are some people who speak badly about a certain topic, be it illegal immigrants from other continents, hybrids, rogues, etc. Nowadays, it's Alpha Higgins and rogues. Fortunately, people seem to be less extremist than during the War Between the States in the 1860s.

I pull my head out reluctantly and look up. My father looks angry but not with me. "Dad?" I pip up.

He smiles down at me and ruffles my hair. "I should make the walls soundproof for further meetings," he says jokingly and I can only stare at him. I mean, isn't he upset that I walked in on them?

I clear my throat. "I know that we all have a role to play, and that only a handful are the leaders whom people look up to when they need answers." I pause, not daring to cast my eyes anywhere else but my arms.

My father tenses but stays quiet, cradling me. I continue pouring my heart, surprised that such things are really in me. "And I also know that I belong with those who stand to the side or sometimes even in the way. What with my decisions, my wishes, my . . ."

My father gives me a light slap at the back of my head. "Don't you ever dare to say something like this again. You will be responsible for our entire kingdom once, you have been born for this, it's in your blood. Just like Oceanus and Helia will play the future leaders of Silent Heights pack when their time comes."

I can't see his face but his words are full of care and affection for the three of us. I ponder over what he has just said. I know that my aunt and uncle play the current Luna and Alpha of Silent Heights. It just never occurred to me that their only son won't become their successor. He's even older than me so he should have more experience! But, truth to be told, I rarely meet him. I have always thought he prefers calmness, so I didn't search further.

My father smacks his lips gently and, as though he was reading my thoughts, he explains: "My nephew is a priest and he has forbidden himself to ever have a Mate and children. That's why both your siblings will step in."

Well, now I understand. However, I don't remember ever hearing this about him. I shrug and sit up straight. "So, what you are trying to say about me . . ."

He nods with a smile. "You have always been meant for the glory of the throne, for being the pride of our people."

I frown deeply. "But this has never been what my life brought. My destiny seems to be completely different - I claim to be born in the Silent Heights, to work for the Princess that nobody's ever seen. Except for the Alphas and Lunas, nobody expects me to rule. Everyone believes that I'm no-one important." I chuckle bitterly. "I'm standing in the darkness and I don't even know who I am anymore. Many Alphas are kissing the ass of my title and they don't even bother with the real me."

A sigh escapes from my father's lips as he turns his head in disbelief. "I never knew you felt that way," he offers gently. "I thought this double life was what you wanted."

I pull away to look him in the eyes. I close my own in a while, hang my head and admit: "Well, it was thrilling . . . at the very beginning." I open my eyes and realise that my vision has got a little blurry. "But now, after all these fifty years, it has gotten tiresome. I mean, I have to pretend that I am someone else all the time."

I stop talking and ask myself why the hell am I saying all this. I have never admitted this and now that I think of it, I sound as if I was suffering from bipolar disorder. It's . . . so strange. I mean, ever since Carson and Zeus entered my life in that restaurant, I have desired something more, something better not only for everyone else but also for me so that he can appreciate that I can take care of myself. And I am willing to let others see that I can also get wounded, just in another way than they would anticipate.

I gulp and decide to stand up and sit next to my father. He lets go of me reluctantly, so, when I sit on his left, I rest my head on his shoulder. "I keep on waiting . . ." I stop and wipe my eyes. "I have to keep on waiting that something will happen to make the situation better. And when you offered to train me as your successor, I hoped that would finally be the breakpoint."

I close my eyes but one tear still escapes. I don't dare look at my father but he uses his arm to hug me from the side. He rubs my arm up and down to comfort me but it only makes me more upset.

"Tali," my father whispers gently above my head. "You have almost everything you need to break free. You have the knowledge, experience, passion, drive, the will to achieve amazing things. The only thing holding you back is that I have to give you a partner, preferably your true Mate, as the King so that ordinary people won't question why you are suddenly Luna Queen when I have an eligible male heir."

"But, Dad," I try to interfere. He continues relentlessly, though.

"Atalanta, you have to believe that the stage is ready for you. Your moment of glory will arrive and you will be able to profit from all the different memories and people you have met along the way. The people you meet and the experience you live through are what make you You."

I sniffle because this is the nicest thing I have heard in a long time, not counting the Moon Goddess. I can't see her motives but her visit has changed how I look at the world.

My father caresses my hair again. "Even though you think you're only waiting in the wings, I have to remind you about your blazing heart which believes that the best will happen. Which is like the signalling bell saying that you will astonish the world."

I chuckle with my watery eyes and clogged throat. "I thought I heard my cue, I was ready to fight with the best weapon I could use at that time. So why did you try to stop me? I wanted to participate in this battle because I hoped you would support me. I know what to do so I don't want to wait and hang around doing nothing."

My father shrugs gently and then licks his lips. "Truth is, I was worried how the Alphas were going to react. You see, I have already had it all planned out. I wanted to invite you in tomorrow as an important externist. And now my plan is destroyed and I had to cut our meeting short today because they were all too perplexed to take other things into consideration." I am shocked to hear this. And his last sentence gives me the final blow. "So, if ever again you decide to unsheathe your proverbial sword like this, listen to me whether the place is right because I'm not just a strange voice whispering in the back of your head to stop and think."

I lift my head slowly and rub the area between my brows. I have mixed emotions. On the one hand, my father isn't furious that I have presented my findings today but, on the other hand, he's upset that I may have failed as his bargaining chip. My inner turmoil almost hides the fact that my father hugs me from the side again. I bite my trembling lip and think. I have to keep on keeping on. I can't give up my hope. My opportunity will come and I have to seize it. But then again, it happens quite often that my chances come and when I blink, they're gone. They disappear into thin air, just like the smoke from a blown-off candle in the darkness.

I admit: "I always feel overlooked unfairly, Dad." I make a sad face that I don't know if he sees or not. "I have to pretend that it doesn't hurt. That I don't mind when my opinion is neglected because people don't care about it. But my opinion matters, too!"

I realise how unhappy I am when my eyes start to sting. But my pride won't let me cry. I won't shed any more tears because I hate crying in general because it shows weakness. Even when suffering at night due to nightmares about some of the gory missions, I would attempt not to cry. I'm not saying that it works every time, but I try. And Diana, my guardian angel, is a great help in overcoming all those bad memories. It was only thanks to her that my panic attack didn't result in a faux pas.

My father pulls me on his lap again. "I know, darling, I know that your opinion matters. I thought you knew that." He kisses the top of my head lightly. "I also know that being silenced isn't for you. But you have to wait until the time is right." He makes a short pause, probably deciding whether he should say the next thing or not. He speaks up in the end: "Even if it forces you to stay in the darkness, you have to keep on waiting and believing that the suitable moment will arrive and you will glow. Your spark can't be extinguished with a little bit more of time when it's managed to burn bright all this while."

I chuckle as he ruffles my hair. Come to think of it, he is right. Nevertheless, there are still some more issues that we need to address. And I'm pretty sure that it won't be about my interruption.

When I inhale to start speaking, my father outruns me again with a serious demeanour: "I'm sure you will start attending all Alpha meetings from now on and you will give your ideas and points of view. Many of the Alphas are, so to say, narrow-minded so it will take them some time to come around. So don't get discouraged, okay?" At my faint nod, he adds: "But if you really want to take over, you have to present your partner, the future King. I can make some arrangements for you if you won't find or don't want to look for your Mate. But I can't order your heart to like that possible substitute. Such a king would be only your counterpart for events and meetings and, well, a spermbank so that the royal lineage survived."

I make a face and say: "Bleeegh! You really had to say it aloud, didn't you?"

"I want you to know where you stand," he confesses plainly. He has always described the whole image to me, and today is no different. Sometimes, I would like to know what it feels like not to know all the aspects of a particular situation. Would it be easier or more difficult to decide?

"But still," I wonder aloud with my head resting on my father's chest, "say that I don't find my Mate and I would need to choose someone else."

"You will know that you have met him, but the only problem would be if he were a Lycan. And that's unlikely," my father finishes for me.

"Yeah, you told me that humans and werewolves wouldn't know," I say remembering how we have discussed this topic almost a century ago. But this isn't what I meant to ask. "But I wanted to ask about something else. Does he have to be a Lycan or can I choose a werewolf? I wouldn't take a human, but a werewolf isn't such a bad idea."

I look up to see my father's thoughtful expression. "Well, Tali, of course, you can choose a werewolf," he agrees. "Just don't take a ranked one. There would be too many problems to solve around their former pack."

I smile at him genuinely. "I understand, Dad." Then it occurs to me that I could lighten the atmosphere. "So, preferably, I should choose a rogue werewolf who knows something about leading a pack because his parents were ranked werewolves. Got it." It isn't until I say it that I realise that Carson fits such a description nicely. But he has his own mate out there somewhere and I don't want to wedge anything between us when we share the amia bond.

I blink at my father innocently and he just shakes his head. "I'm glad you're doing better now. And I'm glad you got it all out of you. I can only help you when I know in what direction or area you suffer."

I hug him tightly. "Thank you. You're the best father anyone can ask for."

He pats my back gently as he hugs me back. "Now, can you go to my office with me? We should discuss your findings some more before I let you speak up in the meeting again tomorrow."

I nod enthusiastically and get up from the lap. I walk over to my desk and take the computer. "I'm ready to go," I say fast, but my hands begin to shake ever so slightly.

My father has surely noticed but he doesn't comment on it. He stands up and leads us to his office. After a few steps in the corridor, I walk back quickly and unlock the door. What if someone decided to leave me another message? I should allow Carson's people to reach me.