Demon's Protégé

Through Times

 I agreed to date him.

Yesterday, I just agreed to go on a date with him. It was not supposed to be like that, but things had suddenly changed now. What an awful timing to even do this, as well. I don’t really understand myself. Why do I keep giving him chances? I should be pushing him away not give him reason to stay longer in this place. But then, I was too soft. And this time, I have to face the results of this situation.

But even if it might blossom into something—though I truly hope it won’t really be that way even if I am not that confident to even say this—this should totally be the last now. No matter what happens after this, this must be the only and very last time that I would do anything with that man again. I cannot just let him do what he wants, I can’t just risk everything for this temporary thing. I don’t want to start trouble just because of this stupid urge that I’m getting whenever he’s around.

But then, I just could not help it.

He makes me weak.

And I don’t really like this part of myself.

“Do you want me to help you?”

My mother’s voice hovered over my thoughts and I quickly turned around from where I sat infront of my vanity mirror with my hands busied with styling my hair for my gig tonight at the pub. She was probably referring to the tangles of strands that I had been trying to fix for a long while now until I had been drowned by stuffs about Taiyo. I immediately gave her a small smile and nodded, turning around on my chair to let her do my hair.

She approached slowly and reached out her hands as I felt her fingers gently maneuvered around the heaps of hair on my head. She motioned me to face the vanity mirror again and I did. Our eyes met from the reflection and she smiled down at me as she easily found her way to fix the awful mess on my head.

“Do you want me to braid it on one side?”

Her request quickly reminded me of those days when she always assisted me on styling my hair when I was younger. And now that I thought about it, it had been really so long since the last time we had been like this together. Those days just flew by so quickly and I could not even quite remember all the things that had happened and led us now here. If life could only be as peaceful and simple like this, I would just wish for everything to stop and stay like this forever.

Ever since my biological mother died after I was born, Maria had been the very first maternal figure that had appeared in my life and provided me the kind of love I was so blessed of. In fact, when I first met her, it just hit me… That she was going to be my mother… And she was going to be the best one I will ever have in this world to which my real mother might have been if she was only alive.

I’m really thankful for that.

“Make it a French braid too,” I agreed lightly to her, smiling cheekily as I mirrored the pleasing expression on her face as she stare at me from the mirror.

“I’ve missed doing this,” she later on admitted as she softly kneaded the portions of hair behind me. Her fingers worked so effortlessly and I basked into the sensation of serene comfort that it brought to me as I watched her silently. “I can’t really do this to Brian even if I want to… Well, obviously he doesn’t have this much hair.”

I laughed at that remark as it was actually another joke to the unchanging short buzz-cut my younger brother has been maintaining throughout the years. He was one to really get annoyed when his hair grows over an inch and it was such a hilarious thing that he does not want to have it like that.

He was just sleek and very macho and I really find it cute for such a young age.

“Me too,” I tell her, and this time I was really being sincere. “I missed this.”

“Someday,” she retorts back and my eyes met hers for a second as I listen to what she was about to say. “You will have a daughter and you will do this to her as well. And you’ll eventually understand how precious and significant such small things are even with just a simple moment between the two of you.”

I couldn’t agree more. Though, I can’t really imagine myself at this point to be like that. To have a family of my own… to be a mother. My heart lurches upon the idea but I could not find myself to dream for such beauty. How can I even be a mother in the future?

Someone like me… could never fit to be that kind of person anymore.

“Do you really love me, Taiyo?”

Nari’s soft uttered words deemed me speechless for a second as I gaped back at her. She had a troubled look in her eyes and she was frowning with sadness. I don’t really understand why she suddenly looked so vulnerable and fragile. Her question hit me so hard that I stumbled back a reply as I try to gather the right words to tell her what I really feel.

“I’d do anything for you. That’s how much I love you, Nari. Why don’t you still believe me?” I tell her earnestly that my arms itched to reach out for her so I can hug her tight and reassure her of everything. Why was she even asking me this?  How many times should I even say ‘I love you’ to her?

“Even if it means you’d have to risk something?” Her voice suddenly went hollowed and everything faded around us. I was quickly trapped by the sudden feeling of angst and helplessness as I forced myself to stay calm. This must be a dream… But this felt so real. How?

“Risk… something?”

“Can you…” she trailed off as she watched me steadily with an intense gaze, “…kill for me, Taiyo?”

Kill?

It suddenly felt so hard to breathe as I froze on my spot and tried to come up of something to say. What is she asking?

“What… are y-you talking about?” my voice shook as I asked back. But despite of answering me, she only moved a step forward and reached her hand up to my face to caress my cheek.

“I can’t love you if you’re so weak, Taiyo. What are you even afraid of?”

Her voice echoed on me that I immediately lost my entire ability to speak and I found myself being drowned back to darkness. I tried to shout but there was no sound coming out of me. As I painfully tried to force myself to move, I was immediately brought back to a view of the ceiling on one of the empty rooms of the mansion. I could feel the sweat dripping down my neck and my head. I was panting so hard as if I had just ran a marathon.

What the hell just happened?

It was just a dream… But it really had me writhing. I can still feel the chills and shivering of my nerves. My hands shook as I tried to touch my face. Nari’s hand felt so real when she gently tap me on the cheek but she was totally different in that dream. It made me defenseless…

What in the world was that?