How does one love?

8 - Bad memories

Ivy

Everytime I closed my eyes, I was back in the worst of my memories. Every breath, every movement, every god-damned noise. I was trapped halfway between the present and the past. I knew that I was on Rens lap, that Evan and James were on either side of me and that I was no longer being put through daily t*****e. These were facts but they all seemed like some fantasy and soon I'd wake up back in the nightmare that was my life. I clung desperately to Ren, trying to convince myself that this wasn't some unattainable dream my mind had created. If this was the damage a single needle did, then did I have a chance at a normal life? Most likely not. I shouldn't be so trusting, it will only get me hurt again. I'm sorry boys, but I can't be this vulnerable around you any longer.

I wanted to scream but I refused to give them the accomplishment. I had been refusing to speak, scream, beg or cry for the last three and a half years. I know it annoys the s**t out of my captors. The most I would give them was a s******c smile and occasionally spit blood on their clothes if they got too close. Sure, when I was alone in my cell, trapped in the pitch black, I would cry, but never would I show such weakness to these sorry excuses of people. All the air rushed from my lungs as another punch landed. At the current moment, I am chained to the wall. My hands were high above me and my feet bound to the floor. I didn't need to look at my body to know it was various shades of black, blue and purple and that every cut on my body was leaking blood some more than others. It was a wonder that any of my wounds ever healed.

"You know we might have gotten along if you weren't such a bitch." Lia said. Lia was a tall blond, with sharp features, brown eyes and a scar running from her nose across her cheek and to her left jaw. That had been my doing and I was proud of it. "Then again you will never be anything more than a worthless piece of crap." I simply smiled at her, blood spilling out of my mouth and down my chin. God, if I could see myself right now, I would probably look like a f*****g psychopath.

I jolted awake. My skin was damp with sweat, my heart was racing within my chest and my breathing was ragged. I could faintly hear Evan, Ren and James arguing over something. Running my hand through my hair, I threw back the sheets and swung my feet off the bed. Taking a deep breath, I stood, walking into the connected bathroom. The starch white walls looked more like a hospatal than the light blue that the main room was painted. In the large mirror that sat above the wall-length counter, I saw my reflection for the first time in my life. I didn't like what I saw. I looked so broken. My blue eyes were devoid of any spark, but haunted with the horrors of my past. I was unhealthily skinny, my skin pale white from the lack of sun, but by some miracle, my hair wasn't knotted.

"Ivy?" Evan's voice pulled me from my thoughts. I spun around, not wanting to be vulnerable. Evan noticed the change in my behaviour instantly and hurt flashed across his face. He took a step towards me and I took one back. The hurt expression on his face deepened at my actions.

Till death do us part