The Loss of Innocence

One: First Attempt, Failed

 You’re the problem Bree. Not me.

“Is there a problem?” Great question. I rolled my eyes as Jamie approached me with a cocky grin. She turned to look at Derrick’s back who’s storming his way on the dance floor.  I frowned when I saw him slow dancing with one of the freshmen.  Then I saw Spiky. He was the emo kid in school, in famed for his three attempts of suicide with which all failed.

“He said I am.” My head was already throbbing with the loud music from the speaker, not to mention the disco ball that made my eyes ached. I saw her raised her eyebrow in an interesting manner. It was called a Cool off Party because of our one-week semestral break. But no matter the vacation, nobody is allowed to leave the campus until summer. Actually, Grenville High is one of those sought after colleges. It has all the amenities you could ask for where dormitories, laboratories, libraries and FM stations were equipped inside.

“c***k it Bree.”

I sighed. “He wanted us to do it all the way.” I played with the rim of my wine glass. I glared at her when she laughed aloud. This was ridiculous.

“Why don’t you?”

I breathed a thin air of exasperation. I’m fed up with people pushing me around. And I’m sick of peer pressure. “I’m only seventeen.” As if that explains it all. I looked around me trying to justify my words. But all I could see were folks my age drinking, dancing and groping in the dark.

“So?” She groaned aloud. “We’re in the computer age Bree… I couldn’t see the point there.”

I clutched my purse tightly in frustration. I groaned. Okay fine, I’m two months short of eighteen.

“He’s gorgeous.” I couldn’t quite look at her. I might scream at her face.

“Yeah. Yeah. He is.” That’s why I became popular in just a snap of my finger. Thanks to Mr. Heartthrob, Derrick.

“If I were you I would get into his pants in every opportunity I have.” She said in a mesmerized tone. Is she fantasizing my boyfriend? Well, who wouldn’t? I looked up only to find Jamie salivating over… over…

“Yuck.” I whispered in shock. Is she blind or what?

“What is yuck about your cousin?” She wet her lips as she surveyed him through the crowd. He was wearing this short corduroy that looked tight and small enough for him with a Hawaiian polo shirt. He was swaying into the music and grinning from ear to ear with two women. He has bigger balls than brain cells.

“Hey Jamie, do you know what a psycho looks like?” I said in frustration.

“No. Do you?” Her lips twitched in a seductive manner as she took out her compact mirror and retouched her make-up. My god… I couldn’t quite hide the distaste on my face.

“Look at Rolf. And you’ll know. He acts, walks, talks like a mad psycho.”

“Mad psycho? Is there anything worst than that?” She giggled at me. “Why are you so against your cousin?”

He’s not my cousin. I rolled my eyes. A skeleton in the closet is enough to make a feast tomorrow so I better shut my mouth up. She walked up to him swaying her hips. I would have gagged at the scene. His grin couldn’t spread any more than it was on his face. Then he looked over to me and winked.

Ewww. I stood up not minding the loud sound of a fallen stool. Nobody minded anyway. I strode toward the lobby to find the comfort room inside the library. I hate it. I hate my life. I hate my school. Everything. I got inside and washed my face. Then I heard two voices outside. Gosh. I covered a hand to my mouth when I realized it wasn’t really voices… more like moans and explicit grunts. I saw two people moving in a rhythm as old as time on the librarian’s desk at the far corner of the room. My eyes grew wide and I was nailed to the ground. Thank God that it was a dimly lit room.

“Fascinating.”

I almost gasped when I felt the warm breath fanned my ears and the side of my neck sending knots to my stomach. I’m not getting affected, am I? I was trying to calm myself. It was a good thing it was dark so my beet-red cheeks wouldn’t be seen. I was about to walk past him when he blocked my way.

“Just one serious question though cousin.” He whispered gleefully. Sometimes I wonder how his mind works. He acts nonchalantly but he grins impertinently always. As if he knew the best kept secret in the world.

“Do you love me Bree?” I thought the world froze for a moment. I didn’t know what surprised me the most, hearing him call me by my pet name or asking me that stupid question.

“Excuse me? Low and behold. Are you sick?” I put my hand on his forehead in a sardonic gesture. His eyes grew wide in feigned amazement.

“Oh… I forgot. You’re forever sick.” I fumed mad at him. He clasped my hand tighter. His head tilted to one side as he made face. He pouted in a mocking pity as he smiled casting his glance toward the oblivious couple.

“Why don’t you let him love you Sabrina?” I heard him screamed to my ears. I sidestepped him and ran away. It was like his evil laugh was still haunting me. I was catching my breath. I didn’t know how I could have endured being with Rolf all my life without cracking into madness.

“Where have you been? I’ve been looking for you all over the place.” Derrick’s anger welcomed my rattling senses. I threw my arms at him. He frowned when he hugged me back. Before I knew one thing, he was leading me out of the disco room into his car. I closed my eyes while he was driving. Actually, the vicinity is too big that you needed a cab when you’re in a hurry. He drove us into the deserted makeshift park of the school grounds. It was into the woods. There were benches but still it was all trees and bushes around.

“What are we doing here?” I brushed my hair away from my face. I won’t panic. Derrick’s with me. He gave me that I-can-melt-your-toes smile of his. “Derrick I—” don’t like the way he smiles at me. Dammit.

“Honey, you’re the most special woman in my life now.”

He whispered while he was inching forward. I drowned into his dark eyes. I blinked twice. Derrick always had this spell on me. He was handsome, rich, varsity player and popular. He was a certified jock. Who wouldn’t be mesmerized? Would I give in now? Maybe Jamie’s right I’m being silly and unrealistic about love and s*x.

He started kissing me. I closed my eyes and tried to feel something. It was all nice and pleasant. We’d been doing this for months. I’d be dead if he wasn’t the perfect one. He was getting agitated. At first he was kissing me gently then too roughly in his urgency. “I couldn’t get enough of you Bree.” He whispered as he was caressing my neck. Goodness, we were fumbling in his car. My first time inside a car. Damn.

“Help me! Helpppppp…” That made me opened my eyes. I knew that voice. It was… somewhere in the woods. “Don’t mind that. Your cousin’s insane.” He said when he felt my stillness and hesitancy. He snuggled close to my neck again and opened the buttons.

“God help me! I’ll be dead! No. Go away from me!” That brought my head up again. I couldn’t just sit here and make out with my boyfriend while I’d no idea what’s happening to Rolf. That piercing scream of his made my heart pounded hard inside my chest. I pushed out of Derrick’s embrace and got out of the car.

“Bree! He’s just playing with you. Aren’t you tired of looking out for that moron?” He said exasperatedly. I didn’t mind the cold wind cutting through my face. I used my mobile as a flashlight. I paled when I saw a glimpse of a man limped on the ground of dried leaves.

“Rolf…” I didn’t know if I really uttered his name. He was still family. I knelt before him looking for a sign of wound or blood. Derrick was beside me that instant. “Rolf please…” I remembered that he was operated in the heart when we were small. I quivered. What if…

“Derrick please! Let’s take Rolf to the nearest hospital.” I was already panicking when I felt the rumble on his chest. I slowly stared at Rolf when he opened one eye and winked at me. I shrieked in anger. He was now laughing hard. I couldn’t take my gaze away from him. Derrick gave me an I-told-you-so look.

“You moron!” I angrily pummeled him on the chest as he imitated a high pitch help me.

“Please… help me.” As if on cue we heard a strangled cry.

Then before our very eyes, a woman came running toward us. She was from the deep ends of the forest. I could see that, her clothes were torn with dirt all over her. She had cuts and bruises. Derrick had backed a few steps from us. Coward. Rolf had raised his eyebrow. “Is this another of your tricks?” I hissed at him.

“Pleasee… get me out of here.” She was pleading. Then she was clinging on Rolf’s arms. Then we heard a loud gunshot out of nowhere. I screamed. My eyes grew wide as blood oozes out of the woman’s back.

I can’t let her get away from me like that. So I have to make a move. Poor lamb, I didn’t intend to kill her like that. But as always I have no choice. She already knows who I am. At least she died in somebody else’s arms.