INTENTIONAL LOVE: SHOW UP

THE CANDLES MELTED

Point of View — Maya

She had promised herself that this year would be unique.

She was unaware of why she had said that to herself. Nothing was different between last September and this one. David's schedule remained full. His phone was ringing. His mornings still started before she stood up from sleeping and his nights continued well after she stopped being awake. Nothing has changed. Not a single thing.

Yet she had assured herself it would turn out differently.

Since hope was an unusual concept. It didn’t request proof before it arrived. It simply entered, settled in, and got cozy, and you allowed it , since the other option was too burdensome to handle early in the day.

Thus, she had wished.

She purchased fresh candles. The lofty ivory type that arrived in glass holders. She arranged them at both ends of the dining table and in the middle as well, five altogether , to establish a warm ambiance for David upon his arrival. She put on the green dress he had once mentioned he loved, beautified with the small buttons down the front that she hadn't worn since their last proper dinner together, which felt so long ago that she had to focus to remember it. She packed her hair. She put on earrings. She used the scent from the honeymoon bottle kept on the left side of her dresser, applying it only during moments that seemed special.

She made everything from the beginning. Jollof rice prepared slowly, just as his mother had taught her when they first married and she was twenty-four, keen to perfect everything. Tostones. Peri peri chicken accompanied by the sauce he always requested more of. A tiny.

It was Linda's suggestion for Ethan to be away. That morning, she had phoned to wish happy birthday, then immediately mentioned she would be picking up Ethan at four so Maya could enjoy her evening. Maya started to argue, and Linda replied, "Maya, I care about you, but if you are against this with me, I will come over and challenge your points, and you know I will win." Therefore, she let her have him. At 4:15pm she kissed his forehead by the door, watched as Linda carried him into his car seat and waved goodbye until the car turned the corner.

Then she went inside. Started making some food.

David called at two o'clock to wish a birthday. They talked for a few minutes. He asked. What were you doing that day? She answered that she was cooking a meal. He said that sounded right and that he would be home by 7 O'clock. She retained the phone after he disconnected and realized she was already devising a strategy in her mind for what to do if he wasn’t back by seven. Currently computing. Currently setting up the backup edition of the evening.

That frightened her somewhat.

However, she set it aside and continued cooking.

By six thirty, the table was arranged, the meal was prepared, the candles were glowing, and the room appeared just as she had envisioned it. Cozy illumination on the surfaces. The nice dishes are out. Two cups. The dress is green. The jewelry worn on the ears. All things in order.

She took a seat to wait.

At seven, he wasn't at home.

At 7:15, his assistant texted her phone that David was delayed in a meeting and requested her to inform Maya he was en route. She read the note two times. Her aide. Her assistant messaged her on her birthday to inform her that he was running late.

Her phone was dropped on the table.

At 7:45pm she got up. Turn the stove down low to cook the rice.

At 8 o'clock she blew out three of the five candles because they had melted a lot and the wax was all the way up in the glass holders and she did not want them to break.

At 8:30 pm she came back to the table. Put on her green dress and earrings and she watched the last two candles melting slowly in the quiet room. She believes in the word "hope" and how it had arrived that morning and settled in uninvited. She reflected on how she had abandoned it. She reflected on how she repeated that each and every time without gaining any insight from the previous experiences.

At eight forty-seven, a flower arrangement was delivered to the door.

The young delivery man was courteous and smiled as she opened the door and presented the flowers. White blooms. A large number of them. A tiny card hidden among the stems. She picked the flowers. She expressed her gratitude to him. She shut the door. She remained in the corridor and unfolded the card.

“Darling, I truly apologize. Delayed at the airport. Flight postponed. I’ll compensate for this. Savor your meal. I adore you, D”

She read it once.

She moved to the kitchen and put the flowers in a vase with water. White roses should not die for something they did not cause. She placed the vase on the counter. Then she left back, to the dining room. She sat down. She looked at the card still in her hand.

“Enjoy dinner.”

She set the card down beside the empty plate across from her.

Then she blew out the last two candles.

The room suddenly became darker. Only the hallway light streaming in from the side , slender and elongated along the floor. She remained seated in the dim light at her birthday table in her green dress, observing the smoke billowing from the candles she had just snuffed out, slender grey wisps twisting upward and vanishing, and she sensed something within her become completely still.

Not upset.

Not unhappy.

Simply remain still.

Similar to a clock that has merely halted.

All the smoke from the candles had completely gone. She didn't know that time had gone by as she sat there. The food had cooled down from warm to room temperature. The corridor's light seemed normal now. The darkness in the dining room did not feel scary anymore; it just felt like the way the room was supposed to be.

That was Linda's knock. She heard someone knocking at the door, like three times, then three more. She had been knocking like that since they were in university. Maya waited for a moment before she got up. She walked to the door. I opened it.

Linda was standing there wearing a coat holding Ethan on her hip, his head resting on her shoulder, almost asleep. She looked at Maya in the doorway. Her face changed. Her eyes went past Maya into the dining room. To the candles that were not lit to the table that was set for one person with just one plate messed up to the vase of white roses on the kitchen counter.

Then she looked back at Maya.

Maya just realized that she was still holding the card.

“Have a meal.”

She looked at the card in her hand back at Linda and the way Linda was looking at her. Not exactly feeling sorry for her but with a look that said she knew Maya was hurting without really understanding it. Made Maya feel really upset inside.

"Those flowers were sent by him, " Maya said.

Her voice sounded weird. It was calm and almost happy like she was talking about the weather.

Linda came in without Maya asking her to. She carefully put Ethan down on the chair, in the living room. Covered him with a blanket that was full of warmth. She touched his hair once. Then she stood up. I looked at Maya.

She stared at Maya for a time.

Then she walked over to the dining table. Picked up one of the candles that was not lit. She looked at how damage the fire had done. She placed it down again. She gazed at the vacant plate. The pair of glasses. The chilled dishes remain in their serving containers.

She looked away, remaining silent for a considerable while.

When she at last spoke, her tone was soft and deliberate, entirely serious in a manner that Linda seldom was.

"Maya." She asked, "When did David last make you feel like you were sufficient?"

The question fell into the room as if it were something dropped from a significant elevation.

Maya parted her lips.

She remained in her green dress, holding his card while the cold food lay on the table, the melted candles flickered, and the white roses sat on the counter, as she began to speak.

And nothing emerged.

Not one word.

Because the answer was there. She could feel it , sitting right at the back of her throat, small and certain and devastating.

She knew exactly when.

And it was not recent.